“Sorry, I have no clue either,” he said. Then he paused. “Uh, Krista…I think I’m just going to head over to Marcus’ table okay?”
I felt like he had just punched me. What could I say? “Okay, I’ll see you later.” I tried to put on a brave face and give him a smile, but I was having a hard time. I had just told Madison that Tori didn’t want to make her a dress, and I thought maybe Jason and I could patch things up, but he just walked away from me. He was mad at me, and it was all my fault. So much for that feeling of happiness I had just had.
For the first time in a long time, I ate lunch by myself.
Things didn’t improve for me the rest of the day.
Things hit rock bottom at around 2pm when Mrs. June asked us to pick partners for our art project and I was that kid left at the end of the pairing up with no partner. It’s humiliating when that happens. Instead of sucking it up and following Mrs. June’s suggestion of joining a pair, I got super proud and told her, “I’ll do it myself!”
While everybody else was giggling and talking I could feel my eyes brimming with tears, and I had to work really hard to breathe and focus on what I was supposed to do. But I wasn’t listening to instructions, and I couldn’t focus. I looked up around the class and caught Jason’s eye. He looked away immediately.
When the bell rang, I ran home. I ran as fast as my legs would take me.
CHAPTER 19
I knew I wasn’t sick. But I felt sick. I couldn’t drag myself out of bed. I couldn’t drag myself to school.
“Krista? Are you coming down with something?” my mom asked me as she packed my lunch. “You hardly ate anything last night and today you’re not eating breakfast.”
I had been staring at my soggy bowl of cereal for so long the O’s had started to disintegrate.
I didn’t want to talk about it. My mom stopped packing.
“Remember that Grandma is coming for dinner tonight,” she said. “And she told me that Jason was coming.” She gave me an expectant look. I didn’t answer her. “That will be nice. I haven’t seen him in a while.”
I still didn’t say anything. I just didn’t feel like talking. But she wasn’t getting the hint. She just kept babbling on.
“I just hope she doesn’t bring tteokguk!” My mom chuckled. That was enough of her chatter. I went from depressed melancholy to raging fury in two seconds.
“Mom!” I burst out. “Stop talking, geez!”
She dropped what she was doing and said seriously, “Krista, I know something is going on. Clearly you don’t want to talk about it. When you’re ready, I’m here for you. In the meantime, mind your manners and do not yell at me.” She raised her finger and pointed it at me with extra emphasis.
I got up, dumped the bowl of cereal in the sink, and took the lunch bag she handed to me wordlessly.
It was deathly silent in the kitchen when Tori came downstairs. She had lightly curled her hair and the dark curls bounced as she came into the kitchen. Why did my sister have to look like a shampoo commercial at this very moment?
She stopped and looked at me, then looked at my mom who seemed to be moving around the kitchen in a random series of disorganized movements.
“Okay…” Tori said. “Shall I mention the obvious tension in the room, or should I just pretend everything is fine and ignore it?”
“Ignore it!” my mom and I said at the same time. I grabbed my backpack and left the house without looking back.
The ten-minute walk to school wasn’t long enough. I didn’t want to face anybody. I didn’t want to look at Madison and her sparkly shoes. She probably hated me now anyway, since I hadn’t been able to convince Tori to help her out. Arden and Emma usually did what Madison did, so if she was mad, they would at least pretend to be too. Who cares! I said to myself. Tori said that I should figure out if they were even my friends in the first place. Tori was probably right. She knew more about these things than I did.
Jason. I thought for just a split second that everything was going to be okay, and then he ditched me. Why did he ditch me like that yesterday? I couldn’t shake how badly it had hurt when he walked away from me.
I was startled by the sound of a car horn blaring. “Hi, Krista!” Emma shouted at me from the passenger side of her mom’s car. She waved as they drove by.
Okay, that was good news. At least she was talking to me. Would that mean that Madison wasn’t mad?
I slapped myself hard on the side of the head. I hated this! I hated not understanding what was going on. I hated trying to figure out other people’s feelings and why they did stuff. Why is everything and everyone so complicated! Life had definitely become far more complex the closer I got to twelve.
When I saw my school, I started walking slowly—even more slowly than I had before. The bell rang and I sighed more deeply than I had ever sighed before.
I made my way through the mass of bodies and walked into the cloakroom just before the second bell.
Jason was right behind me. He had been behind me the whole time. A few weeks ago, he would have run to catch up with me, but today I’m pretty sure he stayed behind me on purpose.
“Hi,” I said, looking down at the ground while I hung up my backpack and jacket.
“Hi,” he replied, doing the same. We didn’t look at each other. Then he walked to the left exit, and I walked to the right. We sat down at our desks and Mrs. June started the class.
Today
