I shuffled around, not knowing what to do or where to go. Was Madison going to grab my arm and take me with her as she had been doing? Did I even want that anymore?
In the cloakroom Marcus was telling some story to the boys and I could hear them all laughing and slapping each other’s arms. Jason was with them.
I stood in front of my backpack for an extra long time, pretending to be digging for something. Jason looked at me quickly, and then his eyes darted away. His shoulder rubbed my arm as he tried to squeeze by in the crowded space and he continued to follow the boys.
“Your great-great-grandmother looked so serious!” Emma was telling Arden.
“I know!” Arden said. “Oh, hey, Krista.”
“Hi,” I said.
Madison had been late coming into the cloakroom. As she entered, I decided to leave. She looked like she was about to say something, but I gave her a hasty little smile and then walked quickly away. It was better if I made the choice not to hang around with her today, and didn’t let her make the decision.
My choice today was to hide in the school vegetable garden all recess. The kale had become so overgrown it provided a good place for me to disappear from the world. I did the same thing at lunch.
CHAPTER 20
Jason was late coming to dinner. I hadn’t spoken to him about it at school, so I didn’t know if he remembered. He knew our 6pm rule, so when the clock clicked past 6pm, I thought he wasn’t coming. Grandma kept looking at the clock too, wondering when to serve dinner. When I heard the knock on the door, I jumped.
“I’ll get it,” my mom said. She walked to the front door, opened it and said, “Jason! So nice to see you. Glad you could join us.” Then she reached over and gave him a hug.
He gave her a limp hug in return. I don’t think eleven-year-old boys are super comfy getting hugs from adult women.
Tori yelled from the kitchen, “Hey, loser, hurry up. We’re all hungry!”
Then she turned to Grandma and said, “Grandma, I’m going to put this plate of kimchi down on the other side of the table okay? It stinks more than usual today.”
She gave Tori a little sneer and the tongue click, which signaled disapproval. Finally, a break in the love-fest between those two.
Jason took off his shoes and shuffled into the kitchen with his hands jammed into his pockets. I had decided that I was going to pretend I was cool, but I also was going to try very hard not to look at him.
Grandma said to Jason, “Sit down. We have kalgooksu today. You have this one before?”
“Ah, I don’t think so,” he said as he peered into the bowl Grandma had just put before him.
“Noodles in soup,” Grandma said. “It’s very nice. Try.” She motioned to the bowl. He hesitated because he was waiting for everyone else to get their soup. “Tastes good with kimchi mixed in.”
“Not if you ask me!” Tori said.
Grandma ignored her as she passed bowls of soup to everyone else. “Turns soup spicy, but flavor is nice.”
My dad walked through the door. “Am I late?” he asked.
“Yes,” we all answered together.
“Jason!” he said. “I haven’t seen you in ages! How have you been?” He made the rounds by giving hugs and kisses, and to Jason he stuck out his hand. “Good to see you buddy!” They shook hands.
“Eat!” Grandma encouraged us. “Soup getting cold!”
I watched Jason pick up a pile of kimchi with his chopsticks and throw it into his bowl of soup. I did the same. I gave my kimchi a little twirl around in the soup and watched the red pepper flakes float off and the soup turn a pale orange.
My dad went to go change out of his hospital scrubs and my grandmother put out a few more things on the table before she settled down herself. We ate silently for a while. All you could hear was blowing on noodles to cool them down and wet slurps.
“Jason,” Grandma said. She interrupted him mid-slurp and he had noodles hanging out of his mouth awkwardly. He paused, but she wasn’t expecting an answer, she was trying to get his attention.
His mouth was full of noodles, so he looked at her, expectantly.
“Remember Krista’s grandfather died few years ago? You came to funeral,” she said. That was an awkward conversation opener, even for Grandma.
I had stopped eating and Jason was chewing and listening. He nodded again.
“When my husband died, my best friend died. I thought he must know everything on my mind. For many years, I keep my feelings inside because I just think he knows. We live together almost forty-five years. I thought I didn’t need to say words. But now, I think maybe he didn’t know. Even two people are close, but sometimes small thing still not clear. I wish now I could say things. I should have.” She cleared her throat.
We had all stopped eating. My dad stood in the kitchen doorway listening.
“Jason, maybe you think you know how somebody close to you feels. But people very deep, like ocean. The view is not clear. I think best way is talk, very open, so things—” Grandma suddenly noticed my dad standing in the doorway, got up and said, “Sit, sit!” The moment had passed.
I knew she wasn’t just talking to Jason, she was talking to me too. We let my dad settle into his spot at the table. Jason continued to eat, but not with as much enthusiasm as before.
“Did anybody die today?” I asked after an awkward silence that needed
