My dad took one big slurp of noodles before he said, “Not today, kiddo! I am the world’s best cardiac surgeon!”
We all rolled our eyes. My dad could be a real goof sometimes. Or maybe he truly did think he was the world’s best cardiac surgeon, I don’t know.
My dad changed the conversation at the table and started to talk about the new sports car one of his colleagues had just bought. I never listened when he talked about expensive cars, but I was glad to have somebody talking about something, anything, at the table right now.
Grandma’s soup was good. It was a nice change from tteokguk. We all finished our portions quickly and by the end, my soup was bright red from all the kimchi I had mixed into it. Jason picked up his bowl with his two hands, brought it up to his face and sucked up every last bit of broth. The highest compliment he could have given Grandma.
“Gee, Jason, did you like it? We can’t tell,” Tori said with a hint of disgust in her voice.
We all laughed.
“Mrs. Kim, that was delicious!” he exclaimed as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Everybody else was almost finished too.
“Good. Glad you like it.” She almost smiled at him. “In Korean house, we never ask guest to help clean, but guest usually insists to help. But you not Korean, so I just tell you. You and Krista tidy up, I am tired today. I need to relax.” She told everyone else to get out of the kitchen. “Young people do it. Lots of energy.”
Jason, whose eyes I had tried to avoid all throughout dinner, got up and looked at me.
“I’ll get the bowls, you get the glasses,” he said. We worked away silently for a few minutes, with the TV on in the background. Grandma liked to watch the Korean channel, so we made sure we had it on our cable plan. They were watching a Korean variety show.
“Jason, I have something I want to say.” I tried not to sound dramatic, but I think it came out that way.
He paused and waited.
“I never apologized for blowing you off the last couple of weeks. I really have not been a very good friend. I mean, I’ve never wanted to hang out with those girls, ever, and then suddenly I’m hanging out with them. It’s not that they are terrible people. Actually, they’re not. They helped me get better at the dance. You know how I have two left feet?”
He nodded.
“They weren’t mean about it either. They were helpful. They are okay people. They are good to know and, honestly, I’m glad to know them. But it’s different with them, I’m never quite sure of myself. Like with the whole Madison and the dress thing.” That was a mouthful but I needed to get it all out before I lost my courage.
He shrugged. “It’s fine, Krista.”
“No, it’s not,” I continued. “I’m really sorry. I just want you to know that I am totally aware I was a jerk. I am also very sorry that you had to spend so much time with Marcus lately.”
“Look I get it. Madison is popular. She invited you to her fancy party and I guess because of your nice dress, she finally noticed you and then asked you to come hang out with her a few times. You did, and that’s okay.” He paused.
I put plastic wrap over some plates and tried to swallow my guilty feeling.
“But I always noticed you. I didn’t need a fancy dress to see you,” he said while he looked at me. But then he looked down at the table of dishes.
I felt like such an idiot, I couldn’t breathe. I stopped tidying up the table.
“But if I’m being honest, your grandmother is right, sometimes you need to say things. I was feeling hurt, I admit it. Like you suddenly stopped being the person I knew, and you just brushed me away. I was mad too, but mostly hurt.” He stopped and picked at food residue on the table. “I’m just some dorky guy you’ve known your whole life, I thought maybe you’d just gotten tired of me. Maybe I should have tried talking to you about it, but I guess I was too upset, or scared, or something. I had never been so mad at you before, so I didn’t know what to do about it.”
“I didn’t know what to do either!” I exclaimed. “Jason, you are my best friend. You know that, right? If you didn’t know before, I’m saying it now. I should have said it a long time ago. Can we just blame the last few weeks on my general stupidity and insensitivity while I was experimenting with new things?”
“What did you learn from your experiment?” he asked.
I paused to gather my thoughts. “I learned that my hair belongs in a ponytail. I learned that shoes that look good don’t feel good and shoes that feel good usually don’t look good. I also learned that sometimes you can’t explain why you feel connected to some people and not others.” I took a deep breath. “I learned that when I hang out with you, I am the most comfortable version of myself.”
“You want to know what I learned?” he said. “I learned that Marcus isn’t so bad. Underneath all those gross jokes and burping, he’s a good guy.”
I stared at him. “Seriously? He is?” I asked in disbelief.
“Nah, I’m just kidding. He’s gross.” Jason laughed. “No, no seriously. He’s actually okay.”
I burst out laughing. It was a relief to finally laugh with Jason again, even though my laugh was probably too loud and too long, but I was such a bundle of nerves that it came out as a super crazy laugh.
When I finally calmed down, I asked, half afraid, “Jason, are we good?”
“Krista, we’re good,” he said. “I guess we both learned something
