Epilogue
HONOR
One year later…
The grass is cool and crisp under my feet when I kick off my shoes and settle down into it, sitting cross-legged.
“I know it’s been a long time since I’ve visited. I’m sorry.” I pluck at a few grass blades and twist the strands between my fingers.
“Sometimes it’s hard to come here. Before, it was one of the only places I could go to feel close to you. Now it seems unnecessary, because I can feel you everywhere. In a song, a meal, a book I’ve read, the pictures all around my house.” I toss aside the grass and fiddle with the lace at the hem of my dress instead.
“I talk about you all the time. To Nick, his family, and my friends. I have a lot of friends now. Nick says it’s time we bring you into the light. You’re not a secret. I’m not ashamed of you, but for a long time I was…angry with you. So angry. I blamed you for leaving me behind. For not taking me with you. For not being strong enough to fight. That was wrong of me. I know better now.”
The wind blows my curls into my face. I push a lock back behind my ear and focus on the engraved granite slab a few feet from where I sit.
Hannon Timothy Carmichael
Beloved son and brother
10/3/1990 – 7/4/2014
“I miss you every day, Hannon. Some days it’s hard to breathe, but when that happens, I have Nick to breathe life back into me. He reminds me of all the beauty I have to live for, and he’s taught me to fight for those things.”
Tears fill my eyes and spill over my cheeks. “I’m better now. Happy. I’m married, we have a successful business, but more importantly, we have new life to celebrate.”
I wrap my arms around my blossoming belly. “It’s twins.” The tears fall unchecked. I don’t even try to hold them back. “Boys. Two boys. And I wanted to tell you first before we told anyone else.”
I clear my throat. “One will be named Nicholas Salvatore Salerno the Third.” I rub my hand over one side, finding what I’m pretty sure is a set of feet. Moving along my bump to the other side, I feel a curved lump that I know is my other son. “And his brother will be named Hannon Sean Salerno. After you and the man you loved most. I want our children to know who their uncle was. That he was a good, smart, kind man who sacrificed it all for love.”
A sob slips from my lips, and I hunch over, but before the sorrow engulfs me, a long leg appears on each side of my body, and I am embraced by the most comforting arms.
Nick presses his scruffy chin into my neck and inhales and exhales, over and over until I’ve paired my breathing with his and calmed down. He tips my head, wipes both of my eyes with his thumbs, and kisses me softly. “You okay?”
I nod.
“Dove…”
“I’m okay. I miss him so much. I wish he could be here to meet you, to see how good my life has turned out…to meet our boys.” I suck in a shaky breath, and more tears fall. “It’s not fair.”
“No, it isn’t, but every year will get just a bit easier. You’ll never stop missing him, and the hurt will never go away completely because his loss is a hole that can’t ever be filled.” Nick gently head-butts my forehead with his. “Eventually the wound won’t feel so deep.”
I kiss him softly and twist back around to face my brother’s gravestone.
“My sins are no longer silent, Hannon, and neither are those of our parents. Your goodness and beauty will be carried on through me and your namesake. Be still, brother… Find your peace.”
I let Nick hold me for a few minutes until the boys start boxing one another inside my belly.
“Whoa! I think it’s time to feed these little buggers.” Nick places his large hands over our children and kisses my temple. “Come on, Dove. Time to go celebrate Independence Day with the clan. Ma’s cooking up a feast, and you know how she fawns over you.”
“She just loves me because I’m giving her grandchildren.”
Nick swings our arms, leading me to the car. “There are worse things. Besides, wait until they find out we’re having not one boy but two. Ma may have a coronary.”
I frown. “You think?”
He opens the car door and helps me get inside and buckled up before racing around his Chevy and hopping in. “No! That woman is going to live to be a hundred.”
I sigh. “I’m not sure it will really be that big of a deal.”
“Babe, we’re giving my mother and father guaranteed continuation of the Salerno name. Dawn had a girl. We are so going to be the favorites right now. Let’s eat it up and take as much advantage as possible!” He laughs, puts the car in gear, and motors down the road.
“This is true. You can’t really beat that logic.” I smile and lean my head back against the headrest.
“Nope. And when she finds out we’re naming one of the twins after my father and me…” He grins huge. “We’re going to have a million get-out-of-jail-free cards. You’re going to be the most loved daughter ever! Including her own.”
“Wow. This is good news,” I say rather uncertainly.
He grabs my hand and laces our fingers tighter. “This is blockbuster news, babe. I’m so fucking happy. I can’t wait to be a father.”
“You’re going to be an amazing dad, Nick.” I stare at his handsome profile, thinking back over the last year.
Only a few months after we announced our engagement did we turn around and have our wedding. There was no reason to wait, and money wasn’t a problem. We married right on the family property near the vineyards. After the wedding, Nick announced he wanted me to get off birth control pills.
