Silent Sins
A Lotus House Novel: Book Five
AUDREY CARLAN
Contents
Silent Sins
Copyright
Note to the Reader
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Epilogue
THE END
Excerpt From Intimate Intuition - A Lotus House Novel (Book 6)
Also by AUDREY CARLAN
Acknowledgments
About Audrey Carlan
Silent Sins
Silent Sins
Lotus House: Book 5
This book is an original publication of Audrey Carlan.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The publisher does not assume any responsibility for third-party websites or their content.
Copyright © 2018 Waterhouse Press, LLC
Cover Design by Waterhouse Press, LLC
Cover Photos: Shutterstock
All Rights Reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic format without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions.
Dedication
To my soul sister Nikki Chiverrell
The day I thought of the idea of this story, I knew it would be for you.
You are the epitome of a woman driven by the throat chakra.
The life you live, the hardships you’ve overcome, are a testament to your strength and beauty.
I named my character Honor because it is an honor to have you as my chosen sister.
Though your story isn’t the same as hers, I think you’ll find a kinship to her journey.
With sisterhood and love.
Note to the Reader
Everything in the Lotus House series has been gleaned from years of personal practice and the study of yoga. The yoga positions and chakra teachings were part of my official schooling with The Art of Yoga through Village Yoga Center in Northern California. Every chakra fact and position description has been personally written by me and comes from my perspective as a Registered Yoga Teacher and follows the guidelines set forth by the National Yoga Alliance and the Art of Yoga. If you want to attempt any standard yoga positions detailed in any of the Lotus House novels, please consult a Registered Yoga Teacher.
The aerial yoga positions listed in this particular book have been from taking classes and hours of research. Do NOT attempt any of these positions without having first been taught by a credentialed aerial yoga teacher. To teach this particular type of yoga, a teacher should have a separate credential.
I suggest everyone take a yoga class. Through my yoga schooling and teaching the gift of yoga to my students, I have learned that yoga is for everybody and every body. Be kind to yours, for you only get one in this lifetime.
Love and light,
Audrey
Chapter One
The throat chakra, known as the Vissudha in Sanskrit, is located in the neck. Located between the head and the heart, it is the chakra that maintains the integrity between what is thought and what is felt.
HONOR
White-hot searing pain followed by a euphoric rush and the instant crush of extreme relief soothes and calms the war raging within me. I don’t want the pain…I need it. For long moments, I sit quietly, enjoying the seconds of peace and serenity surrounding that first initial piercing of skin. Each rip of flesh eases the fear, the anxiety, the sheer loathing I have toward myself and the world around me. A world that he is no longer a part of.
I dig the blade deeper, requiring more…searching for something that I can never find.
It works for a while. Small moments. The only beauty I have to look forward to anymore. Memories of happier times cascade through my mind like a pinwheel spinning in a gust of wind.
Running through the woods, him hot on my heels, me squealing in delight.
I press the razor blade deeper. More pain.
Him shunning the mean, popular girls who picked on me in school.
Shivers ripple through every nerve ending with each new blessed slice.
Movies. So many movies. Every Sunday, sharing a bowl of popcorn, laughing at the same parts as the images on the screen flickered by.
My mouth waters as sourness hits my tongue. Acid curls and burns inside my gut.
Nights long ago, cuddled up with one another as if the entire world had disappeared and there was only the two of us.
I dip my head back against the wall, close my eyes, and allow the full-body flush of heat and adrenaline to fire its way through my system as I flick my wrist, until I feel something…anything.
For me, pain is the only acceptable substitute for love and loss.
Once the blood drips and pools down around my forearm, congealing into thick, maroonish globs, I glance around, blinking away the regret and tears. I’ve finished this session and huddle in the corner where the tub and wall meet. My toes are freezing, curled in, pressed against the cold tile I’m sitting on. I sigh, my stomach rolling with nausea as the self-deprecation and disgust weave into my mind.
Hannon wouldn’t approve.
He didn’t approve back when we were kids when he caught me doing it at sixteen. He most certainly wouldn’t now in my midtwenties. Except it doesn’t matter, because he’s not here to scold me.
To hold me.
To love me.
To save me.
A dry laugh leaves my lungs as I stand, trembling and leaning against the vanity for purchase. My newest cut throbs and aches, the two-inch-long line marred with slowly drying blood. I didn’t go too far this time. Not as far as I wanted to go.
Coward.
The single word wreaks havoc on my psyche, taunting and prodding the loser within. I furl my fingers around the razor blade, wondering if I could just do it. End it all. No one would miss me. Certainly not my parents or the high-society brats who call me friend when I know we’re anything but. Those gold-diggers use up everyone in their path until there’s nothing left. They are friends by status alone, not by choice.
A sob tears through my chest as I think
