And I do. Oh, how I do. The day I buried my brother was the day I buried half of my soul.
For long minutes, I hold on to Sean, knowing this has to be the last time. “Me being here is hurting you.”
His grip tightens. It’s an answer without words.
“I won’t come again.”
“Don’t say that, Honor. I couldn’t live knowing I lost you too.” His chin falls against my neck, where he places a kiss. “I love you, but you remind me of Hannon, and I need to let him go. Let him be free. You do too.”
I shake my head. “I can’t.”
“You can, and you will. Eventually, thoughts of Hannon will make you happy, not sad. That’s where I’m at. I love talking about him, thinking about him, sharing stories. And it helps. Promise me you’ll do the same. Start the process for healing.”
Healing. What’s that?
Instead of lying, I give a noncommittal nod. “I’m sorry I was mean.”
“Honor, baby girl, you’re family. Always will be. I want you in my life. I just want you to be healthy. Hell, I want to be healthy.”
On that we can agree. At least as it pertains to Sean. As my brother’s life partner, he became my family too. He is one of the only people I have left I can trust. He cares about me, not my money or what kind of status I can give him.
“Will you meet my friend? It would mean a lot to me to have your acceptance. I can’t move on until I know you’re going to be okay with it.”
Dread fills my heart, but for Sean, one of the best guys in the whole entire world, I can push aside my selfish need for him to never move on from my brother and be a true friend. I nod and step back, wiping at my wet eyes.
Sean takes a full breath, staring at me before nodding succinctly. He maneuvers us around and gestures to the tall man, whose eyes are also watery behind his glasses.
“Honor Carmichael, meet my boyfriend, Chad Schilling. Chad, this is my best friend, Honor, Hannon’s twin sister.”
Chad smiles, revealing a beautiful set of white, even teeth. He presses his glasses farther up the bridge of his nose in an endearing way before extending his hand for me to shake. I take it, and he clasps it between both of his. “Lovely meeting you, darling. Sean has told me endless stories about you and Hannon, and I just want to say, I love Sean, and I’m so sorry for the loss you both endured. I look forward to spending time with you in the future and getting to know you.”
I choke back the tears that want to spill out when I hear he’s in love with Sean. It’s a hard pill to swallow because I’d always believed that Sean and Hannon would go the distance, growing old together, the three of us being a family. Now I’m the outsider in this trio, regardless of the bittersweet sadness in Sean’s eyes right now.
No matter what, this introduction changes everything. I can no longer escape to what used to be Hannon and Sean’s house, looking for Sean to talk me through the overwhelming grief that sometimes engulfs my entire being.
“I’m sorry I stopped by unannounced. I won’t do that anymore. And it’s very nice to meet you, Chad.” I focus my attention on Sean. “I love you, Sean. I want you to be happy, and you’re right. Hannon would want you to be happy too.”
Sean rushes forward and embraces me. “I love you. Promise me you’ll get help. See someone to work through this? Promise me.”
Knowing there is no way he’s going to let me leave this house until I’ve promised, I concede. “Okay. I will.”
He pulls out his wallet and removes a card. “Call this woman. Her name is Monet Hart. She’s incredible, and I think you’ll like her a lot.”
I glance down at the white business card and nod.
“Honor, you seem a little lost today. Why?”
I stare out the window and watch the clouds roll by and then shrug.
Dr. Hart’s voice is gentle when she replies. “You know, I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me. We’ve gone through this for two months now. It’s time you were more forthcoming.”
I inhale slowly and turn my head toward the woman sitting in a chair across the room. She’s incredibly beautiful and a dead ringer for Lucy Liu, the actress. Long, cascading black hair, almond-shaped, coal-black eyes, and a long, athletic figure. She’s wearing a white blouse with a cowl neck, a beige pencil skirt, and a pair of matching Louis Vuittons that make her legs look a mile long. She looks expensive because she is. Not only is her hourly rate off the charts, the woman is a genius with getting me to spill my guts without me even realizing I’m doing it. She’s incredibly good at her job.
When I committed to Sean that I’d attend therapy, I figured why not? I had nothing to lose. My life is filled with doing what my mother forces me to do. Mostly, I attend countless charity functions so she can groom me to take on the lead role of Mrs. Carmichael, the best charitable planner there ever was. None of which I’m interested in participating in. All the events and charity work… All a smokescreen, created to make her look like a saint, when she’s anything but a good person. The only benefit is I’ll happily give any amount of money needed to a good cause. I have zero attachment to the money I have because I didn’t earn
