“A darling blonde with big doe eyes and a sad smile,” he calls back. He tips his head to the side. “You lost, sweetie? Do you need help?” the man asks as I stare mutely.
Incapable of speech, I stand there like the lost little girl he thinks I am. I damn near feel that way until suddenly Sean puts an arm around the man’s waist and nudges him aside to see who’s at the door. The instant his eyes meet mine, his laughing smile turns into a frown. I hate it instantly. He used to look at me with laughter and joy.
“Honor.” He says my name low and deep, as if it is a plague brought down upon his house. In front of me is not the same man who used to pull me in for long hugs and intense conversations about the world and, most importantly, sharing how much we both loved my brother.
I shake my head and place my hand over my mouth, a fresh bout of unease and loathing streaking up my spine. “No,” I whisper.
He inhales visibly, his chest lifting up and going back down as if he is preparing to give one of his patients bad news.
Sean pushes past the man standing at his side, wraps his arms around me, and pulls me into the house. The man behind us shuts the door, keeping out the chill. All of a sudden, I feel too hot in my jeans and hoodie—scaldingly so.
Sean cups both of my cheeks and stares into my eyes. “Honor, it’s good to see you. But honey, it’s very late, and you didn’t call first.” A shiver ripples through me, and he continues dropping his arms to his sides. “I’m sorry if what you are seeing surprises you. I wanted to tell you first.”
I choke out a sob, the next words leaving my mouth agonized. “When? How long?”
Sean clenches his teeth, making his jaw look even more chiseled and fierce. “A few months. I couldn’t keep him away from the house any longer. It’s not fair to him or to me. Hannon wouldn’t want that.”
The mere mention of Hannon sears through me. The session earlier was nothing compared to the pain whipping through me, wanting to burst free as Sean locks his arms around me.
I can’t stop the trembling, which starts at my teeth and flows through my insides like a bucket of snakes being poured into a small body of water.
The words leave my mouth before I can contain them. “How could you?”
His arms drop from around me, and he grasps my biceps loosely. “He’s been gone two years, Honor. You have to move on. We both have to move on. The torch you’re holding, forcing me to hold…it’s unhealthy.”
I clench my teeth. “Does he know?” I tip my head to the side, gesturing to the man standing near and listening in. “Does he know you told my brother you’d love him forever?” My voice is accusatory and scathing as I practically spit out each syllable.
Sean’s features harden, and he scowls. “And our forever was cut short!” he grits through his teeth. “No one knows that better than me.” His lips curl into an expression of disgust. “And that was Hannon’s choice. Not mine. He made that all on his own. I’ve spent long enough being alone and a year in therapy getting past his betrayal. Now it’s your turn.”
I ignore the blame game he’s playing. “You were everything to him.” I’m barely able to speak through the thick fog of emotion coating my throat.
Sean’s pretty brown eyes close as if he’s letting that soak in for a minute. His dark hair is tussled. A few paces beyond, the man who answered the door stands, not intruding but staying close. I’d probably like him if he wasn’t dating Sean. He doesn’t look like a bad guy. His face is kind and honest, though he looks nothing like my brother. This guy is geeky chic and a little reserved. Hannon was blond and blue-eyed, filled with life and joy that exuded through his pores into every person who entered his orbit.
I close my eyes, the truth dawning on me in one tragic realization. Pain. Like me, Hannon was in pain. Only he chose to hide it from the two people who mattered most. And without so much as a heart-to-heart, he went his way alone, backed up into a corner where he made the ultimate sacrifice.
Tears leak down my face, and my lips quiver as I wish he’d reached out. Just once would have been enough to talk him out of it. Every day, I love and hate him for not giving me that chance to change his mind. To be there for him the way he was always there for me.
“Honor, no man loved Hannon more than I did. For five years, we were happy. He was in the closet, unable to share in our love publicly, but I didn’t care because he was mine, and that’s all I ever wanted and needed. Until he took that choice away from me. I would have taken what your parents were going to dish out. I’d have done anything to make him happy, change the past, make him believe we could suffer it all, as long as we had one another.” Tears form in Sean’s eyes, and the man near him places a hand on his shoulder.
I close my eyes tightly, not wanting to see another man giving him comfort.
“Hannon made his choice all on his own. We had no idea what his plans were, and for the past two years we’ve suffered, and for the rest of our lives, we’re both going to suffer for it. But I’m not going to stop living.”
I lock my arms around Sean and
