My throat tightens. “I’m happy.”
“Be happier, then.” She pulls away. “Time for dinner. Everyone sit down.”
I can’t help but smile at my bossy daughter, doing her best impression of me. I pick up my wineglass and walk into the living room.
Teo follows.
“If you want me to go, I will.”
“I don’t want you to go.”
“Good.”
He brushes my cheek with his lips, then pulls away as Cassie and Henry carry the food into the dining room. We gather around the table. Instead of sitting in Tom’s place, Teo pulls a chair around to Henry’s side, winking at me as he sits down.
“Should we give some gratitude?” Cassie asks.
“Good idea. Hands, everyone.”
I reach out and take each of my children’s hands. Henry holds Teo’s, and Cassie reaches across the table to take his other hand.
“I’m grateful I didn’t get grounded when I snuck out of the house the other night,” Cassie says.
“What?” Henry says. “Aw, Mom, that’s not fair.”
“Hush, Henry. Your turn.”
“I’m grateful Mom is buying me the new Dead Space 3.”
“Not a chance, kid.”
“I’m grateful to be here, among friends, eating good food,” Teo says.
“You haven’t tasted it yet.”
“Mom!”
“I’m grateful for all of you. Even for the surprise dinner guest.”
“Let’s eat,” Henry says.
Cassie starts dishing out the pasta, and Henry passes the garlic bread. I look around the room at these people I love, or hope to love. They are so much more important than the things I filled this house with. They’re what I carry with me everywhere, no matter where we might end up. I have these things because I wasn’t in the building that day.
I wasn’t in the building that day because I was late.
Whether it was the universe looking out for me or just a happenstance of my personality, I’m most grateful for that of all.
41
ANOTHER ENDING
KAITLYN
When Kaitlyn left her hiding place, running away from Cecily, she knew what she had to do. It was a big risk, but she had no other choice.
She pulled out her phone, the one she’d bought in Montreal, and sent a message to an address she couldn’t forget. Then she went to wait.
She picked a seedy bar near the bus station. A bar no one she knew would dare to be seen in. It had been the scene of at least three shootings last time Kaitlyn checked. The bouncer gave her the eye when she walked in, questioning her choice of drinking establishment. She was the only woman in the place besides the waitresses and the prostitute sitting at the bar.
She ordered a beer and took a table facing the door. The table was littered with peanut shells and stale popcorn. A small part of her wondered if this was where she’d be caught. If she’d miscalculated, and the front door would bang open to reveal the police. Full of noise and threats to stay down! But she was sure she’d judged properly. As she told Cecily, she knew Franny, Eileen, whoever she was.
After she’d changed her e-mail, there’d been radio silence for years. In that time, Kaitlyn had pieced her life back together. She’d had Julia, gone through another round of postpartum, become friends with Cecily. She’d let her guard down was what she’d done. So much so that when she’d gone back to work, she hadn’t even thought about the fact that Eileen might find her. That she should ask to be left off the company website.
That had been a mistake. A month after she started working at Tom’s company, Eileen had contacted Kaitlyn on her work e-mail. She called herself Franny, but Kaitlyn knew exactly who she was. It was like being caught in that movie Groundhog Day. Everyone else, including Franny, seemed to have amnesia. No one even noticed the feedback loop. Only Kaitlyn knew what was going on. That she’d been through all this before.
At first Kaitlyn wondered if Franny was playing a prank. There was probably some slang she hadn’t learned that described what it was. “Catfishing” or “cyberstalking” or something like that. Kaitlyn told Franny she knew who she was and that they’d been through this. Stop writing me. But Franny persisted. They were two ships passing in the night. Kaitlyn would write something like: I’m not your mother. Stop writing me. And Franny would respond with: I’ve missed you so much, too. I can’t wait for us to meet in person.
It was infuriating. She tried blocking Franny’s e-mail, but she’d just opened another account and written her again. She tried not answering, but then Franny’s tone turned threatening. She couldn’t wait to meet her stepfather and sisters, she said. Then she’d name some location the family had all been to the week before as a good meeting place. In a desperate moment, Kaitlyn even called the police, but the bored dispatcher didn’t give her much hope of relief. She took Kaitlyn’s details down and said a detective would call. But when he did, weeks later, and Kaitlyn described what was going on, he said there wasn’t much they could do. If this woman hadn’t made any threats, she’d be better off just ignoring her until she went away.
So Kaitlyn did what he said. When a new e-mail from Franny came in, she deleted it without reading it. She never answered. She didn’t even block her because that might be seen as some point of connection, a conversation.
In the weeks before October tenth, Kaitlyn had a lot on her mind. Mostly to do with Cecily and Tom, and the fact that they were getting divorced. Cecily was torn up about it, but Kaitlyn thought only of the relief it might bring. Maybe she should get divorced, too. Not to marry Tom, that wasn’t what she wanted. But to make some major changes in her life. To come clean with someone, herself, at least. And the thought of having some time to herself, the weeks when Joshua would have the girls . . . That was appealing. Too
