He told me to make myself ‘feel at home’ and I wasn’t really sure what he meant but he was smiling when he said it and so I felt ok. He then went into the bathroom and I could hear him taking a shower. I didn’t really know what to do so I decided to just sit on his sofa and wait for him to come back. There were no pictures of Charlie or his family on display anywhere, and I thought that was a bit strange too, because Charlie told me he missed his family a lot
I turned on his TV and had a look through some of his DVDs. He had many films. In Indonesia you can buy very cheap DVD films. They are actually not original films, they are pirate ones. I think we should not really buy pirate films because it’s like stealing, isn’t it? But … they are so cheap, you know. They are maybe only Rp 8,000 each while the original film is about twenty times more expensive and even going to the cinema is about four times more expensive than buying a pirate DVD. I usually buy pirate DVDs and I sometimes go to the cinema, but I never buy original DVDs. I am not that crazy.
When Charlie came back I was still sorting through his films. He had changed his clothes and his hair was wet from his shower. I think he had also put some perfume for men on. Actually he smelt quite nice and it was easy to smile at him.
I was sitting on the sofa and he came and sat by my feet on the floor. This felt nice, you know. It felt like he was close to me but not actually in a bad or naughty way. I now felt happy again and so we started chatting once more. We talked about some of the films and which ones we had already seen and which film stars we both liked. It felt nice and ok.
You know, I really don’t want to tell you what happened next. I really don’t. I know you will think I am a bad girl.
I can’t tell you. Sorry, I know I said I would, but I can’t. Not everything, anyway. I will just tell you that at the time it felt quite nice but as soon as it was over I felt guilty and sad and like a pelacur. This is very bad, because a pelacur is a prostitute.
Charlie didn’t make me do it, so I can’t really blame him completely, can I? He just held my hand and then kissed me. Ahhhhhhhh … I am malu, shy, now. Then we made love.
Oh, my goodness!
Can you believe that?
Charlie and I made love! It’s amazing and it’s so wrong. We shouldn’t have done that, should we? What do you think of me now? What would Ari think, or Selvey, or my parents or … or anyone?
After Charlie and I finished, he went to the bathroom again and I just sat on the sofa holding all my clothes to cover my breasts, you know, like they do in the movies. I didn’t know what to say or think or do.
Charlie went into his bedroom after he had finished in the bathroom and then I went into wash myself. I got in the shower and I made the water quite hot and I put lots of soap on my body and shampoo on my hair, much more than I normally do. I don’t know why I did that.
I just wanted to get dressed quickly and then go home, but when I got out of the shower I had another shock. There was no towel for me to use. Now I was really, really sad. So sad, you know. I was sad because I didn’t want to go out of the bathroom with no clothes on because I didn’t want Charlie to see my naked body again.
I closed my eyes and prayed for help then, and that is unusual because I never usually pray, and when I was praying there was a little knock on the bathroom door.
‘Who is it?’ I said, and then nearly cried at the stupidity of my question.
‘Who do you think it is?’ he said, but not in a cruel way: ‘I have a towel here for you.’
He opened the door just a bit and put his hand in with the towel.
‘Thanks,’ I said, and took it, dried myself and got dressed very quickly. I came out of the bathroom and I was almost too sad to look at him. I asked him to walk with me and call a taxi to take me home, but he didn’t even answer me. He was playing with his phone, maybe sending a text, or something.
I asked him again and this time he looked at me. ‘Why don’t you stay tonight?’ he asked me.
‘Oh, my God!!!! What kind of question is that? I am a good girl, I cannot stay!!!’ I just started crying and ran from his apartment as quickly as I could.
You know, I thought he would at least follow me or try to make me stop crying, but after I ran out to the elevator I just heard his apartment door close. I was so confused.
I came down in the elevator and into the reception. I saw that nasty boy there again and he gave me another bad look.
I tried to ignore him but then he said, ‘Sudah, Mbak?’ which means: ‘Already finished, Miss?’ This is very rude, because it means he thought I was a prostitute who had just had sex with Charlie for money.
I was so angry now. I stopped
