Selvey was actually very kind to me after I had explained my feelings and my problems. She said it was normal to be a bit confused and unhappy about bugil (she called him that, not me) because I had liked him before and then he had hurt me. She said I should send Charlie a text or email saying that I hoped he was well and happy and that I had met someone new now and hoped we could be friends soon. I was not sure this was the best thing to do, but Selvey said it would help me to put him out of my mind and then I could concentrate on my new life with Gary.
You know, I was very surprised when she said that. I never thought she would think that Gary and I being together was a good idea because he was a bule, he was much older, and etc., etc., lah, but she was so nice to me. She was so kind to me that I could feel my tears coming again and then Selvey hugged me and told me to follow my dreams and my heart. I love her now. Really I do. I will write more about her soon and tell you what happened in her life later.
So, I took her advice and sent Charlie a text. I still have it on my phone. This is what I wrote;
September 26 2005:19.57
Hi Charlie. It is me, Sari. How are you? I am good here and a long time we didn’t talk. I hope you are ok. I am happy and I will be married soon (I hope). Take care, Sari.
Charlie didn’t reply for maybe one hour and at first I thought maybe he was angry with me, but then he wrote:
September 26 2005: 21.02
Hi Sari. Thanks for your text. I am ok here, I guess. Wow, you will be married soon? How come? I didn’t think you had a boyfriend. Well, that’s great news (but it makes me a bit sad). I hope you will be very happy, and I will never forget you. You are special. Sorry for everything if I hurt you. All my love, Charlie.
You know, I cried a bit when I read that. Why did Charlie have to be so nice to me now? Why did he have to say so many nice things now? He said he was sad I was with someone else; he said he would never forget me, that I was special, that he was sorry, and that he loved me. Why couldn’t he have said all that before? Why did he treat me so badly? Why did I send him a text and open all the wounds again?
A million questions in my head.
Then I remembered what Selvey said. She told me to always be a brave girl and that if I wanted something I should try and get it. Well, I wanted some answers to my questions and so, after I had stopped crying, I wrote all those questions (except the last one, of course) into one text and sent it to Charlie and then awaited his response.
He sent me a text five minutes later and he said he would write a real email to me the next day explaining everything and then after I had read it maybe we could meet and discuss. I said ok, and then tried to sleep. I dreamt of him and Gary.
The next day I got into my office early and I switched on my computer quickly because I wanted to see if Charlie had sent an email to me yet. I couldn’t begin to imagine what he would say to me, I mean, he treated me so badly before so what could he say to me now to make it better?
Nothing, right?
I signed into my yahoo account and there it was; an email from … from Charlie. It’s title was ‘I’m sorry!’ I felt my tears coming again just looking at that title. I just didn’t feel like I could open it and read it. I just can’t bear this, I thought, It’s too much for me.
I wanted to know what he said but I was scared, so scared. Finally I made myself become angry about being so silly and I made myself imagine Selvey was there and talking to me. Come on, mummy’s girl, I told myself, impersonating Selvey. Open it and see what he says! I smiled when I said that to myself because I really think that’s what she would have said if she had been there.
I clicked it open and read it slowly.
From: [email protected]
Date: 27 September, 2005
Dear Sari
Hi, how are you? I guess you are feeling really happy and excited now. It must be a great feeling and you must be really busy making all your plans. When will you be married exactly? I wish you all the luck in the world. I am really happy for you.
Sari, I am so sorry for hurting you before. I really didn’t mean to. You are a wonderful lovely girl and so sweet and innocent. You really deserve to be happy and I pray that you will be.
When we were together it just felt so nice and so wonderful. I didn’t mean to do anything bad to you that night, I just felt so close to you and so relaxed and happy with you that everything we did seemed so natural. I really and truly had no plan to do anything like that. You must believe that.
I just wanted a lovely
