I thought I would just keep my news to myself for now and try to relax and see what happened. I decided I would tell Ari (and Wanda) when I next got a chance, and also I would tell Selvey when I could, but not yet.
Oh my! The next few days were very scary but nice and I felt so happy. I felt really different; like I was floating along and that I was sort of watching the world go by. Nothing I did seemed to be important or have any meaning; whether it was working, eating, sleeping, or anything else: I just thought about Gary.
I knew I was walking around with a big silly smile on my face all day, every day, and I wondered if anyone else noticed. If they did, they didn’t say anything about it. I was in a dreamland. Sometimes I told myself that I was being crazy; being in love with a man who was more than twice my age, who was from a different country, who had two grown-up children, and whom I had never even met. It was crazy, I tried to reason with myself, to have these feelings for Gary, but I could never convince myself. I just knew that I loved him and that I was happy.
So, let me tell you quickly about Ari, the silly boy. Remember I told you he would get married too? Well, that silly boy was getting married because he had to. Well, he said he felt he had to, anyway. You see, Ari, the silly boy, made Wanda pregnant!
I don’t know how he managed that.
Well … yes, ok, I do know how he managed it … I mean, I don’t know why he let that happen. Everybody now in my country gets sex education lessons in school and so Ari (and Wanda) should know how to take precautions, right? … I mean, I have only ever done that twice in all my life and each time I made sure the man was careful (and one of the men was Ari, remember!) so … ah, I don’t know.
Ari tried not to show it, but I could see he was a bit excited to get married and become a father, while also being a bit worried too. He was most worried about his many dreams to be a doctor, and I hoped he could still follow his dreams. Ah, the silly boy. I worry about him, but I still love him. He told me his father was so angry when he told him what had happened and his mother just cried. Ari said they soon came round to the idea, though, and even offered to pay for the wedding and to help them rent a house for after they were married.
They will have their wedding soon. It will be funny to see Ari get married, I think, but maybe a bit sad too.
Anyway, back to my story!
I got closer to Gary and I told my family about him and our relationship and they were ok about it. Gary called me and asked to speak to my parents. He told them he loved me very much and would always look after me, and I nearly cried again when he said that.
I am not sure how much my mom and dad understood Gary because their English was very limited, even worse than mine, but I helped explain what Gary was saying. My mom was a bit worried at first and told me to be careful, and my dad didn’t say much at all. He is a quiet man, really. I know my family love me very much and they just want me to be happy.
It felt so nice and lovely being in love with Gary, those first days and weeks. I felt a peace and a happiness I had never experienced before, but also a desire and a longing too. I thought about him literally every minute I was awake, and I dreamed of him every single night too. Wherever I was and whatever I was doing the picture of Gary’s face was in my mind and his love for me was in my heart.
I sometimes wonder now if, whatever happens in the future, I will ever know such feelings again. I hope I will. I wouldn’t like to think that the happiest days of my life are already behind me. That would be just too sad to bear, wouldn’t it?
So, maybe now you are wondering what went wrong and why I am talking as if my happiness suddenly disappeared again. Well, it’s because of Charlie. He disturbed me a bit.
That boy!
It makes me sad now to tell you what happened next, and for ages I really didn’t know what would happen or how, or even if, I would ever solve this problem. You see, when I fell in love with Gary I felt that everything would be ok forever and that nothing would ever go wrong again, but after just a few weeks I started to think of Charlie again. I don’t really know why, I can’t explain it. He just kept coming into my head and I kept remembering the early days in our ‘relationship’ (if you can call it that) and how I had felt excited and nervous then and had wondered what was going to happen. This remembering the past made me feel a bit unhappy and so I tried to stop thinking about him, but I just felt I had to try and find some way to put the whole experience of knowing him behind me.
I didn’t know what to do about my feelings of uneasiness and unhappiness, and so I talked to Selvey
