But even though the paint had left me, it inflicted deep scars on my psyche. Many days have passed since this incident. For five years, I haven’t touched a drop of drink let alone made a mention of alcohol. Perhaps Providence had devised this trick to bring me back to the right path. No argument, reason or method would have had such a radical influence on me. Looking at the good turn, I can only say that whatever happened happened for the best. That is how things should have happened, but every time I remember what I went through, I lose sleep.
Why should I now spin out my tale of woe? The readers can guess this on their own. The news spread far and wide, but instead of feeling embarrassed and ashamed, I thought it wiser to act shamelessly. I would laugh at my folly and relish recounting unhesitatingly the tale of my misery. Of course, I was cunning enough to add bits from my side. For example, I would say that on that night, when I became intoxicated, I walked into the sahib’s room with my glass and pounded him thoroughly with a chair. This addition would bring some relief to my oppressed, humiliated and deadened spirit. What transpired in my heart, the heart alone knew.
My greatest fear was that this news would reach the ears of my dear wife. She would have felt very hurt. I don’t know if she ever heard about it or not, but she never mentioned it to me.
Translated from the Hindi by Nandini Chandra
Rescue1
The system of marriage in Hindu society has become so distorted, worrisome and fearful that no one knows how to reform it. Indeed, parents who would happily welcome the birth of a girl child even after the birth of seven male progeny are rare. From the moment a girl child is born her parents begin to worry about her marriage and the peace of the family is lost. The situation has become so desperate that there is no dearth of parents who heave a sigh of relief at the death of a daughter. The only reason for this is that the amount of dowry one is expected to pay is increasing by leaps and bounds, much like the current of a water stream during the rainy season. Earlier, one spent in the range of a few hundred rupees, now it has reached the range of thousands. Not so long ago only rich families spent one or two thousand on dowry. Marriages in ordinary families could be managed between five hundred to one thousand rupees. But nowadays, even very ordinary marriages cannot be organized for less than three or four thousand rupees. While expenses have increased, the educated classes are getting impoverished. Only God knows where it will all end.
If parents have even a dozen male children, they do not worry. They do not think that their marriages will put a burden on them. It is not a ‘compulsory’ subject for them but an ‘optional’ one. If possible, they’ll get them married, or they’ll say—go, fend for yourself, and get married if you can afford to. It is not considered a blot on the family if a boy’s character is not good. But a daughter has to be married, there’s no running away from it. If there’s a delay in the marriage and the girl takes a misstep, then the whole family is disgraced. It is made an outcast in the society. If the girl can hide her transgression skilfully, then nothing will happen. No one will dare sully her name. But if, unfortunately, she cannot hide it and it comes out into the open, then her parents and her relatives cannot show their faces to others. No humiliation is more unbearable than this, no calamity more terrifying.
The irony is—those who have already faced difficulties at the time of their daughter’s marriage forget them at the time of the marriage of their sons, and do not show the slightest sympathy for the girl’s family. In fact, they are determined to extract more from the girl’s family than they had spent. Countless parents die a premature death worrying about their daughters’ marriages, many others renounce the world by taking sanyas, some marry their daughters to old men and thus get rid of them. They cannot afford to judge whether the groom is good or bad.
Munshi Gulzarilal was one such hapless father. His economic condition was not too bad. He was a lawyer and earned about two hundred and fifty rupees a month. He was from the genteel class and had a generous disposition. So he couldn’t save much from his income. He was a generous host to his relatives and friends. God had given him several sons, so he had to spend money on their upkeep and education. He spent liberally on the marriage of his first daughter. But the marriage of his second daughter became a messy affair. It was necessary that the marriage be negotiated with a good family, or people would make fun of them. But marrying into a good family meant an expense of at least five thousand rupees. The girl was growing taller by the day. She ate the same food as the boys, but while the boys looked
