His narrow-eyed look told her he didn’t think much of his celibacy at all at the moment. “I just didn’t expect…”
“You don’t have condoms?”
He froze. “That too,” he muttered.
The hint of frustration in his voice made her want to smile. “But you asked me back here earlier in the evening. You seemed to imply—”
“My head was muddled then too,” he said, his tone fervent. “Believe me.”
She recalled his distraction when staring at her kiss-swollen mouth and felt a quick rush of feminine pride. He might exude experience and confidence, but she had a power over him, too.
“Go away, Lilly,” he said.
She didn’t believe for a moment he meant it, not when she saw that bulge beneath his jeans and the flush of arousal along his cheekbones. The fingers of one of his hands was still twined with hers and he’d made no move to disengage.
“What will you do if I leave?” she asked.
Another narrow-eyed look.
Oh, my. Now a new thought took hold, that when he said he’d not been with a woman in two years that didn’t mean he hadn’t found pleasure. A burn rose up her neck as she imagined how he likely pursued his own release. Between her thighs, a heavy ache began to throb.
He groaned. “Lilly, don’t look at me like that.”
She spread his fingers with hers, and used her other hand to pet him from knuckles to wrist. “So this celibacy thing isn’t like a…like a vow?” The difference between the two of them fascinated her. He was heavy bone and strong muscle and touching him like this sent her pulse into overdrive. Her skin felt like it was being stretched over her bones.
“I’m not a monk,” he said, and she noticed he’d gone still beneath her caresses.
Was it wrong to desire Alec so very badly on the heels of learning what had happened to his brother? Except it felt so right to her, affirming life when death had done so much damage. Giving him warmth and pleasure to chase away the lingering shadows.
It might only be a temporary reprieve—of course anything between them was only temporary—but her doubts and fears had been silenced by the way this beautiful man was looking at her, as if she were the one casting spells. As if she enchanted him.
“I want you, Alec Thatcher.”
“And I don’t want you to regret this, Lilly Durand.”
That made her smile. And be sure. Because hadn’t Audra sent her out to do that very thing? Get some regrets.
But moving into Alec’s arms, she didn’t believe for a second that she’d be sorry for whatever she found within them tonight.
As much as his libido was raging to get on with taking Lilly Durand at her word and exploring her luscious little body for their mutual enjoyment, Alec found himself hesitating. He’d yanked back the covers and then tugged her up the mattress, so they lay on the sheets with their heads on adjoining pillows. His gaze on her face, he did nothing more than look at her for several long minutes, his heart thumping like a gong inside his chest.
“Are you all right?” she whispered.
He wasn’t sure. Her tears, a sure sign of sympathy that in any other woman would have cooled his lust, had seemed to cleanse him like a spring shower instead—and only caused his desire for her to grow.
It staggered him, how one small woman could upend every intention, every familiar inclination.
“Alec?”
He stroked a fingertip across her full bottom lip. “This is going to be a change. It’s been two years of using only my imagination.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Exactly who have you been imagining?” she demanded.
Her little flare of jealousy made him laugh. “Now, sugar, this was before I met you.”
“Well, okay,” she allowed.
“And maybe I’m a bit nervous about being out of practice,” he said, as he stripped off his shirt and toed off his shoes. They thumped to the floor to land next to hers.
A skeptical eyebrow rose. “Somehow I doubt that.” Then she frowned. “But why…well…why…”
He knew what she was getting at. What had caused him to avoid intimacy. “I don’t know that I can entirely explain.”
She nodded, as if satisfied with that. “But are you sure about tonight…”
“I’m sure about tonight.” He wasn’t, because two years without it naturally gave this first time of mutual sexual engagement a seriousness that would make any man wary, but Lilly was warm and fragrant in his arms and looking at him with those exotic eyes of hers. Looking at him as if he could hang the moon in the sky for her if only she asked.
And damn, he’d want to.
Yes, there was no backing away from her.
“If it makes you feel any better,” she said, “it’s been longer for me than two years.”
His brows flew toward his hairline. Lilly said she didn’t have a lot of time outside of work, but there had to be guys she met at the grocery store and the coffee line who tried like mad to get in there and win her favor. God knows, he would be one of them if he ran across her picking up her favorite croissants on Saturday mornings or her flat white on Fridays.
Her gaze drifted away from his and she concentrated on the cap of his shoulder, one small fingertip smoothing over it. “Also, it’s possible that I’m less than aggressive and…and accomplished in the whole doing it department,” she confessed then. “I, um, want to get that out there so you’re not disappointed.”
He said nothing and she glanced up, peeking at him through her tangle of sooty lashes. In the low light from the one reading lamp on the bedside table, he could see the pink color washing across her cheeks.
“No worries, sugar,” he replied finally, trying to keep the grin out of his voice. “In bed I’m a certified badass, assertive and demanding, so we should be just fine.”
She made a sound like a
