“Where am I gonna run to?” Edwina asked.
“You never know when you’re going to have to run,” Debbie Sue replied solemnly.
Burma laughed heartily.
“Guess what, Burma,” Edwina said. “I’m getting a talking parrot for Vic. It cusses like a sailor. Won’t that be a hoot?”
“I’ll say.” Burma tilted her head for Debbie Sue’s convenience. “You know anything about taking care of a bird like that?”
“What’s to know?” Edwina blew a bubble that hid her face, then sucked it back into her mouth. “You give ’em seed and water. Easy enough, right?”
“Seed?” Debbie Sue gave Burma a wink in the mirror’s reflection.
Burma piped up right on cue. “Those talking birds are a whole other breed of fowl. They don’t eat seeds. They’re carnivorous.”
“That’s right,” Debbie Sue added. “I looked it up on the Internet last night.”
Giving them the squint-eye, Edwina halted the swing of her foot. “Okay, you two. What the hell do they eat, dogs and cats?”
“Spiders. The big hairy kind.”
Edwina gasped, got to her feet and straightened to her full five-feet-nine, standing tall on her platform sandals. “No, they don’t. Everybody knows birds eat seeds.”
Debbie Sue assumed a serious expression. “But this is an exotic bird.” She blasted a cloud of spray net on Burma’s silver hair.
Burma turned in front of the mirror and petted her new hairdo. “Debbie Sue’s right. Spiders are what they eat. Big, hairy, live spiders.”
Debbie Sue unclasped the cape from around Burma’s neck. “Yes, ma’am. That’s what they eat.”
“You mean tarantulas?” Edwina huffed a loud gasp. “Oh, hell no, I’ll burn that trailer house to the ground before I bring live tarantulas into it.”
She picked up her phone, pressed a number, waited a few seconds, then shouted, “Sandi! This is your Aunt Ed again. Listen, honey, I can’t take that bird after all. Sorry to have bothered ... No, honey, it’s the tarantulas. Fuckin’ live tarantulas in my house. I can’t even think about it without getting queasy.”
Debbie Sue hid a grin while following Burma to the payout counter. One of the pleasures in her life was giving Edwina a hard time every chance she got. She felt no remorse for the orneriness. It was a game she and Edwina had always played and the very cornerstone of their tight relationship.
Debbie Sue said to Burma, “Sweetie, do you want me to put you down for next week, same time?”
“Honey, I’m talking about the ones they eat,” Edwina said into the phone. “If Jake finds them, that’s great, but I’m guessing when he can’t find treats, I have to provide them myself and there is no way in hell...”
Burma kept her eyes on her purse and Debbie Sue bit her lip as Edwina paused. “They don’t? Are you sure? Debbie Sue was telling...”
Debbie Sue burst into laughter. Burma, too, laughed so hard, she couldn’t find her money in her purse.
Edwina scowled in Debbie Sue’s direction. “Never mind, Sandi. I think some people are having a good time at my expense. I’ll see you this afternoon.”
Edwina paused again, then said, “Of course. I understand, darlin’. I know you get attached to all of your animals. You’ve told me several times.”
Edwina disconnected. “Okay, you two. Sandi just told me he eats vegetables.”
Burma squelched another laugh.
“You’re going to get him this afternoon?” Debbie Sue said. “I am not going with you. Don’t even ask. I’ve got things I need to do.”
“Just cool your jets, smarty-pants. She’s bringing him down here. But if I wanted you to go with me, you damn should would. That’s the price for scaring the shit out of me.”
“Ed—”
“That’s my last word on the subject,” Edwina said, raising her palm like a traffic cop. She picked up a lollipop and peeled off the wrapper. “Haven’t you ever heard pay back is hell?” She stuffed the red bulb of candy in her mouth.
***
Sandi’s go-to employee, Betty Ann, came in early on Thursday mornings to start on the cooked dog and cat food. That way, they could make sure the cases were filled with plenty of freshly-made goodies for which pet owners could shop on the weekend and Sandi wouldn’t have to try to do it while customers browsed in her store. The other employee, Jessica showed up late morning to help Betty Ann and watch the store in the afternoon so that Sandi could have a day off.
After lunch, Sandi gave Jessica some last minute instructions, then drove home. She gathered all of Jake’s treats, toys and other paraphernalia and loaded all of it in the back of her SUV. Next, she put Jake in the travel cage she had bought for him and belted it onto the SUV’s cargo area.
As she motored southwest toward Salt Lick, Texas, the parrot sat on the trapeze swing in his cage, squawking or whistling occasionally. She didn’t know what those sounds meant, but she assumed he was happy and liked the car ride. She opened one of the back windows slightly so he could enjoy the crisp fall air.
She looked at him in the rearview mirror. “Hey, Jake. How does that fresh air feel?”
Jake screeched an uneven rendition of “God bless America, land that I love...”
Those were the only words he knew of the song, but each time he sang them, Sandi sang with him. Man, she was going to miss him.
Soon Jake grew tired of singing. “Where’s Waffle? Where’s Waffle?” he squawked.
Being separated from Waffle these days was rare, but Sandi had reluctantly left him at home in case the other animals might need his company to compensate for Jake’s absence. He was good to keep everyone out of mischief.
From behind her, the roar of a large motor caught her attention and she glanced into the rear view mirror. A big gray pickup was way too close to her back bumper.
To her surprise, she recognized the driver’s silhouette—broad shoulders, cowboy hat. Nick Conway. What was he doing on this highway? He must have bought a new pickup. The vehicle behind her wasn’t the wreck she had
