Her wise words resonated with her soul. Shecould do that if George would let her. Maybe that was what sheneeded. Taking charge would give her a different lovemakingexperience.
“It can even be an act of healing,” Mrs.Brown said. “When I first lay with my husband he let me be on top.I didn’t want to be pinned down.”
“Yes, exactly!” Mrs. Brown reallyunderstood.
Mrs. Brown smiled. “I think you two havesomething special. I’ve seen the way you look at each other. Don’tlet that go just because you are scared.”
Allison nodded. She had to at least try with George. It would takecourage to have sex again, but she promised herself this time would be different.
“But,” Mrs. Brown said, “you still need tohave the talk with George first. My husband wasn’t going to let melie on top of him without me asking. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” Allison said. Her stomach roiled.She’d probably wait until the last minute to tell him.
When and where would this moment be?
* * * *
A knock sounded at the door.
Mrs. Brown and she both walked to answer it.The midwife opened the door and George smiled at her and thenAllison. “May I come in?”
“Yes, of course,” Mrs. Brown said. “You andAllison are both welcome here anytime.”
George looked at Allison a little sheepishly.“Am I welcome here, Allison?”
“Yes,” she said. “I forgive you.”
George exhaled and grinned.
“Unfortunately, we only have a few minutes. We should getback to the Queen Bee.”
They stood in the entryway and carried onpolite small talk about the weather.
Allison took her coat off the rack and put iton. She turned around to give Mrs. Brown a view of the back of hernew coat. “Isn’t it lovely? It is only a couple shades darker thanthe bonnet you gave me.”
“Yes, it looks very nice, dear. It was smartto get a coat. It is getting colder every day.”
George looked out the window. “Winter will behere soon.”
“Yes, and you’re welcome to stop by forChristmas dinner. I always set an extra place or two in the hopesome of my adopted children visit me.” She grinned, the wrinklesdeepening around her mouth.
“We will visit, Mrs. Brown,” Allison said.“Don’t you worry.”
Mrs. Brown patted her arm. “I knew youwould.”
“We best be going before it gets too late,”George said. “Next time I stop by I promise to visit longer.”
Mrs. Brown held the door open for them.
“You go on ahead,” George told Allison. “I’llonly be a minute.”
Allison didn’t want to leave George, but ifhe wanted to speak with Mrs. Brown in private she’d let him. Afterstrolling a ways down the street,she stopped and turned around. She caught George handing Mrs. Brownsome of the money he’d made.
Her skin burned. She’d spent a lot of moneyon her new coat, but she’d pay him back. Yes, sir every penny. Shewouldn’t be beholden to any man.
George ran to catch up with her and sheforced a smile. “We had a pleasant visit with Mrs. Brown,” Allisonsaid.
“Yes. She said she’d adopt me, too. I kind offeel like I have a mama again.”
Maybe Mrs. Brown offered to adopt every straywho came to her door for help. She was surprised she didn’t have aherd of kittens. The woman needed something to love and keep hercompany when her adopted children were away. When the weatherwarmed she would get her one.
Allison’s senses heightened the closer theygot to the docks. St. Louis was a dangerous city. Too many torturedmemories lay in a heap of ashes nearby. Usually they took the longway back, but this time George chose the shortest route.
George put a hand in the middle of her back.“Is something wrong?”
“Going this way we’ll have to pass thehouse,” she said in a strained whisper.
“Ah.” George reached out and took her by thearm. “We’ll pass the house together.”
She didn’t tell him there was another reasonshe was on edge. An ominous feeling had followed her since leavingMrs. Brown’s house, attached to her like her own shadow. It snakedthrough her insides and settled heavily in the pit of herstomach.
Her eyes darted from side to side, lookingfor one evil man in particular. She should confide in George aboutCoswell, but that would involve digging up her past. She wanted herpast to stay buried in the rubble of that old shack.
They stood in front of the house—what littlewas left of it. Allison turned to stone, taking in the charredremains. She had done that, snapped, started the fire, and killedGrier. She felt like a different woman now … that Allisonmore like a distant relation. Deep down she’d never forget thehorrors she experienced. She wanted to move on … perhaps withGeorge.
George squeezed her arm as if to give herstrength. It was a tender gesture. She blinked back tears. He caredabout her, he really did.
She wished she could return his feelings. Itwasn’t the right time. Not yet. Besides, she had to find the rightwords. They walked back to the boat in silence. When they arrived,George guided her toward the deck, to their special sleepingspot.
“Come on,” he said, patting the blanket.“You’ll feel better after a good night’s sleep.”
Reluctantly she knelt, taking her timegetting comfortable. George lay next to her on the deck, thecomforting weight of his familiar arm contrasting with the secretfears she felt might burst out of her any second. She ran her handacross her apron and then across his strong hand, smoothing out thejitters crawling across her skin.
“I-I’m afraid I’ll have nightmares,” Allisonsaid. Nightmares about Grier and Coswell and all those nights shewas chained in that small house.
George held her tighter. “No you won’t,” hesaid firmly, “because I will chase them away.”
Her heart throbbed and she laughed. That wassomething you said to a child. Sometimes she felt like a child. Shehadn’t experienced much in her life besides what it was like to beused and abused.
George was young, but he knew more about theworld. Mrs. Brown said he was green, but to her he seemed wisebeyond his years. He was gallant and treated her with respect. Hestirred feelings and desires she didn’t know she could have for anyman. George not only saved her from the fire, he wanted
