It was obvious that they were very close in the way that they responded to each other. I was glad that Jorge had Jeff to ease his frustration, and help him to figure out what had happened earlier today. I had a pang of grief for a loss I couldn’t remember as Keith took hold of my hand. The grief settled into a now familiar weight of guilt as I realized he thought he was supporting me.
I didn’t think it necessary to explain to the captain and diving instructor that I wouldn’t be able to tell them what happened because I didn’t remember. Maybe I’d remember something if I wasn’t so confused. I was starting to become irritable and just wanted to be alone to figure things out. Keith and I said our goodbyes to the two men and he led me to my suite.
It wasn’t as opulent as the captain’s, but it was cozy. Keith apologized as we walked into the room because he’d packed up my things. I didn’t care because at that moment I spotted the bed. I’d never been so tired in all my life. I walked over to it, curled up, and knew that even if he insisted on watching me the whole time, I’d finally find solace in sleep.
“Keith, I’m sorry, but I’m so tired. Can I sleep for a while? I’ll try to remember things when I wake, but I’m so tired,” I whispered, as I got comfortable.
“Of course. I’m exhausted myself. Is it okay if I stay with you? I feel like I’m dreaming and if I leave, you might not be here when I come back. I won’t do anything, I just want to hold you, please.” It was the pain in his voice that caused me to cave. I must have been very close to him for him to be so worked up about leaving my room.
“Fine, you can stay, just please be quiet and let me sleep.” I drifted off within moments of my head hitting the pillow.
I dreamed. They were very strange dreams of things that could not possibly exist. When I woke, the dreams still haunted me. There was death, fighting, and extreme, heartbreaking pain. Underneath the pain, though, was a love and acceptance I couldn’t understand. I was still trying to puzzle it all out when Keith walked in.
“Hey, babe! You’re finally awake. I was hoping you’d come around soon.” At my puzzled expression, he elaborated. “You’ve been asleep for almost two days. You missed drinks with the captain yesterday. It’s the afternoon now. We’re leaving port in a few minutes and will be back in Miami tomorrow. There’ve been some people asking about you. Do you feel up to going to a late lunch or early dinner with me?”
“I don’t know what good it’ll do, I don’t remember anything. I am hungry, though.” He smiled at me as if I’d just proven the existence of Santa. My guilt returned at not knowing this man who I must have once had a deep affection for. “Give me half an hour to shower and change.” I fell out of bed and staggered to the bathroom. He tried to help, but at my glare decided to sit on the bed and wait quietly.
The shower was glorious. I couldn’t remember the last time a shower felt so good, and then started laughing because I couldn’t remember much of anything at all. The bathroom was steamy when I got out, sending another flicker of a memory to my addled brain. The last time I’d bathed, there hadn’t been any steam. I’d been in an elegant bath preparing for something important. I still couldn’t catch the thread of memory to place what it was, but I knew it had been an event that changed my world forever. The more I struggled for the memory the more elusive it became, and I was quickly frustrated. I threw the towel on the ground with more force than necessary and ran a brush through my hair, trying to eliminate my growing aggravation as easily as I removed the tangles.
I sighed, grumbling to myself as I went into the bedroom to get dressed. I froze. I’d completely forgotten about Keith. His jaw dropped, and the smell of lust quickly filled the air. I dimly thought about how strange it was to actually smell lust as I grabbed the first thing I could find and wrapped it around me. He groaned, closing his eyes. I looked down to see that I’d covered myself with one of my sheer sarongs. My body was still completely on display, but in a much more sensual way.
“I’m so sorry, Keith. I totally forgot you were still here. I didn’t mean to—” He cut me off with a wave of his hand.
“Don’t worry about it. Please, just get dressed, unless you’ve changed your mind. We could just order room service and stay here.” Thankfully his eyes were still shut so he didn’t see the shudder I couldn’t repress. It wasn’t that I didn’t like him, but he just wasn’t Raif. My heart stuttered.
“Raif! That’s it! Do you know that name?” I asked excitedly, finally remembering something important.
“Um, no. Did you remember something? Are you decent yet, or are we having sex? My control isn’t that great when it comes to you.” He sat rigidly on the bed with his hand still covering his eyes. His other hand was clutching at the blanket so hard I thought it might rip.
“Oops, sorry. I’m not sure, just the name; Raif. Maybe it’s reef? This is so frustrating!” Everything felt like it was just out of reach. “Give me another minute.” I quickly put on my swimsuit, a solid red sarong, and a black top. I looked presentable and told him so. He pulled himself together and led me out of the room.
I couldn’t
