“But you are asking me to give up my dreams for what? A position that ladies fallen on hard times must resort to?”
Frustration boiled within him. “Do you feel nothing for us, then?”
Her brow furrowed. “Of course I do. You are offering me a position, though. A position anyone can do.”
“Not the way you do, Henrietta.”
“Hogwash.”
He took a steadying breath, trying to calm his temper. She had a point. He was not offering anything extraordinary. He simply wanted her in his life. The thought of never seeing her again...it was a vise around his chest, cutting off his air, strangling his lungs.
He had nothing else to offer.
But as he looked at her, noting the slim, aquiline nose, the direct eyes, the graceful curve of her fingers around the cup, it came to him that there was indeed something else he could offer. Something infinitely more appealing, something permanent and strong.
Something that terrified him beyond comprehension.
If he didn’t have epilepsy, if institutionalization or even death were not right around the corner, then perhaps he would feel differently. Perhaps he would not fear offering such a solution.
It would get rid of Hodges for good. He felt then a curious twinge of satisfaction at the thought that the man would no longer be able to court Henrietta if she was a taken woman.
“That smirk on your face is positively frightening,” she remarked, pulling him from his thoughts and back to the present.
No woman had ever said that to him. He squinted at her, not sure he’d heard correctly.
“Oh, yes, you heard me. I’m certain that it’s beyond the scope of your imagination to think a woman could ever find you anything but attractive, but there it is. A strange and frightening smirk.” She took a sip of her punch, her eyes never leaving his face. “Would you care to share your thoughts, for I am growing bored and I still have no idea what brought you to this soiree.”
“Hodges,” he blurted out.
“Hodges? He is a funny fellow. Harmless.”
“Yes, well, if he was courting you, I felt I should know. As your friend,” he added.
“My friend.”
“Yes. Yes, I suppose you could call me such.”
She blinked, a flicker of some emotion he could not name passing across her face. “I do not think I’ve ever had a friend.”
The look on her face paused his next words. Sorrow etched her features.
“I will be your friend,” he said quietly.
But she was hardening before his eyes, drawing back.
Panic filled him. He, the unconscionable flirt in his younger years, emptied of words. Henrietta was different than those in his past. She expected more from him than flattery, gifts. She saw more. He dug within, searching for the right sentence, the one that would make her look at him and never want to leave.
It was illogical, impractical to do such a silly thing, yet in this moment, he realized it was why he had come tonight.
“The reason I’m here is because I cannot imagine a life without you present. It has been terrible. Louise cries every day.” He exhaled deeply, realizing suddenly that perhaps he loved Henrietta. He didn’t know for sure, though, as he had never been in love before. “Is there any way you will consider staying?”
* * *
Henrietta gripped her punch, wishing to be anywhere but here. The way Dominic gazed at her, imploring, made pain spike through her entire body. She longed to run away from him, from the fear he inspired. She had thought of them every day while with Lady Brandewyne. Memories kept her up at night, hopes and dreams colliding with her new reality.
They had felt almost like a family.
Any way? Marriage, love. Those might sway her. But he had not spoken of either, and her goal of working in the medical profession had been with her for too long. Considering another role was contrary to all she’d taught herself to believe. A giant rock of emotion lumped in her throat.
“You have probably guessed that Uncle William refuses to take me with him,” she said. Strains of music filtered out to the balcony, the muted music of a world she didn’t belong to.
Dominic nodded. There was a strange wildness to his face, to the contours of his handsome features. She wanted to smooth it away. To assure him that all would be well.
She could not, of course.
“This position with the doctor, it is groundbreaking, really. He believes me to be quite educated, which I am.”
“Don’t go,” Dominic rasped.
“The ticket has been bought.”
“So soon?”
“Uncle William insisted I stay with Lady Brandewyne. I went and bought the ticket shortly thereafter.”
“He wants you to stay with her? As a companion?”
“Oh, no, they are planning to marry me off still.”
“Henrietta.” His voice caught. He moved forward, forcing her to back into the corner of the balcony, into a shadowed triangle. “If I was a healthy man, if I could promise that you would not be stained in the future by my disease, thus harming both you and Louise, I would ask for your hand in marriage.”
A shocking statement. Her head jerked up; she met his serious look with one of her own. “We could not.”
“I know.” He groaned, a deep, raw sound that tore at her conscience.
“It is not due to my reputation,” she said, seeking to alleviate the torture that wrote itself across his features. She had never seen him so distressed. Even though she had also thought of marriage, now that he said so, she realized how very terrifying it was. Chest constricting, she moved toward him, until only an inch or so of space separated them. “I just...and it is so very silly, but I cannot bring myself to cleave to anyone but myself.”
“Is being alone what you want, then?”
“No.” She shook her head, yet deep within, yes, that was it. Being alone was far safer. “Your words are most kind, my lord, but we both know that nothing could work out with us. I am far too practical. You are an emotional being,
