“I didn’t include a return address because I didn’t want my dat knowing where I was and trying to force me to come home. And then I heard you had a new beau and a child in Ohio.”
“All lies. I never loved anyone but you. No baby. And even if I had one, why…”
I got the distinct feeling he was lying to me, so what was the use of talking about this now? I was tempted to cover my ears. “Are you married?”
“Nee. There’s no one else. Never has been.”
“Why should I believe anything you say?” My words bulleted out as a wave of antagonism surged through me.
“I’m being honest with you, Evie. I’ve never cared for anyone but you.”
I warned myself not to be naive. “I heard you just moved back home because of your dat.”
“Yah. My mamm knew how to reach me and called as soon as his accident happened and begged me to return. Not exactly an accident, because his mule is an ornery beast. Dat should’ve sold the ill-tempered animal years ago. He was in a coma in the trauma unit at the hospital.” His words burbled like water from a hose. “When he finally woke up a couple days ago, he couldn’t speak or hardly move. Mamm was frantic, but she demanded he be released this morning. She claimed Dat’s eyes were pleading with her to come home.”
“I didn’t know about his injury until Olivia told me, and then someone here said your dat was awake enough to be transported home. I’m very sorry. Truly, I am.” I tried to imagine what it would feel like to lie unconscious in a blanket of clouds. Some days after Jake left, I’d wished I could. And never wake up. Depression and gloom had surrounded me like a shroud.
Jake shifted his weight. The floorboards creaked. “We thank the Lord he’s still alive. No one thought he’d make it, yet alone wake up after five days. Not that he’s completely aware.”
“That doesn’t explain what you’re doing here right now, Jake.” My voice cracked when I spoke his name. A tumult of emotions cavorted through my chest.
“I had to see you, Evie. That’s all I know. Olivia told me you were still single and living here, starting a new life.”
“Since you were in the area anyway, you thought you’d stop by?” Sarcasm snaked through my voice.
“Look, Evie, if you throw me out on my ear, I wouldn’t blame you. I’ve been a coward.” He moved closer, until I could feel his breath against my cheek. “I didn’t light that barn on fire. But everything else said about me was true. I pushed all the boundaries during rumspringa and never repented. Two days after I sold my car, the young man who bought it—he was only sixteen—hit a telephone pole and died. I felt responsible. Well, I was responsible for his death. He didn’t know how to drive worth a hoot. I shamed my parents. And my dat never let me forget it.”
I had no answers for him.
He ran his fingers over his cropped hair. “I couldn’t stand living at home anymore. Remember when my older bruder died? A few months after the barn fire. Dat never got over his death and took his anguish and wrath out on me. And he kept bringing up that barn fire and calling me a liar. Dat believed I was guilty and worked me like a beast of burden. So when my friend in New York told me about a job, I took it and went to live with him. I’d intended to return after a few months, but I couldn’t face my father. Or you once I heard you were dating someone, and then that you’d had a baby.” His voice sounded strangled. “I shouldn’t have believed those rumors. I should have come back to see for myself,” he said, his lips barely moving. “And courted you, if you’d have had me.”
I continued to hold my swirling thoughts in. Part of me was glad to see Jake suffering as I had. Yes, his father had been domineering and strict, but Jake was blaming his dat for his skipping town? I should want Jake to leave, but I was still hooked into him as if I were a helpless minnow.
“Guess I’d better go before I cause any more trouble.” He stepped toward the door. “I have a favor to ask.” He massaged the back of his neck. “Would you stop by the farm and see Dat?”
“Why would he wish to see me?”
“Mamm said he’s only murmured one word since he woke up. Your name. Eva.”
“Maybe he believes I’m the cause of all your problems, and he hates me and wants to chew me out.”
“I have no idea what he thinks, but Mamm thinks he believes you and I are getting married.”
“What on earth? Where would he get that idea?”
“I don’t know. His thinking’s all ferhoodled.”
“You want me to lie to him?”
“Nee, but at least see him. Please?”
“I’ll have to think and pray about it.” I hoped Bishop Harvey would stop in at the café and advise me. I already knew what he’d say—“Stay away from Jake Miller.”
Jake paused at the door. “Was that you I saw driving a buggy with an Englisch man today?”
Seeing me with another man, he’d probably experienced a slice of jealousy and a sense of possession.
“That’s why you came?” My voice rose in volume. “What I do is none of your business anymore.”
I still wanted to ask about the Englisch woman in his dat’s buggy, but I wouldn’t lower myself. I’d probably find out about her all too soon.
SEVENTEEN
I woke up the next morning with words in my head, spoken by a minister in my parents’ district a couple of years ago—“One sin leads to
