Both my sisters turned to me at the same time, as if it only now occurred to them how much time Adam and I spent apart.
I looked down into my popcorn bag, and Emerson sighed. “I’m tired and frustrated with being so average. Maybe it’s time to give it up.”
I thought back to the dreams I had had. I could see my work hanging in galleries and picture myself in New York, surrounded by fans and selling out at openings.
And then . . . what? I fell in love. I had children. And I couldn’t find my way back to me. I had obsessed over them so completely, feeling the pressure of being a picture-perfect wife and mother getting heavier and heavier. Now I was in the opposite predicament of Emerson. Where she was beginning to realize that once her career was over, her life would be suddenly, fiercely empty, I was realizing that once my children were in school, I would be forced to admit that I had sacrificed my entire life for them. That was why I was so intent on homeschooling. If they were still at home with me, I didn’t have to face the fact that I had watched all my dreams evaporate into thin air.
“Don’t give up,” I said. “I wish I hadn’t.”
Caroline turned to look at me. We were both wives and mothers. She was the pampered, Park Avenue housewife whose week revolved around Pure Barre and blowouts, and I spent my days in sweats cutting coupons on post. But we were the same. We both knew what it was like to completely sacrifice ourselves for the good of someone else.
“Really?” Emerson said, looking as shocked as I felt that I had just admitted that, even to myself. “Wow.” Emerson and Caroline had always been closer than Emerson and I had been. But I couldn’t help but feel like, with a few simple words, our bond had just been forged more deeply. I was the one who understood the crossroads Emerson was facing.
“Hey, Sloaney,” Caroline said. “We’re almost to Charleston. Could you help get us docked for the night?”
I smiled delightedly even though this wasn’t really my thing. “Come on, Viv,” I said. “You need to learn the ropes.” I winked and added, “We’ll have you boating like a pro before you even get to camp,” as Caroline called, “We’re docking stern to bow!”
“Your mother,” I said, “is the best boat docker I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Even in the roughest currents or trickiest channels, one engine or two, it’s nothing for her to slide right into any dock or slip.”
Vivi grinned proudly.
I thought again about how I had given up everything else I loved in pursuit of one passion. My stomach churned when I considered that, perhaps, my husband had done exactly the same thing.
TWELVE
the natives
ansley
The girls had been gone one day, but as I looked around my kitchen, it was hard to believe it hadn’t been longer. Mail was stacked on the island. Peanut-butter-and-jelly crusts, along with sippy cups and a jug of chocolate milk, were still at the boys’ spots from lunch. The paper towels AJ had dropped had unrolled and made a trail from the sink to the fridge. In short, there was stuff everywhere. And that was just in the kitchen.
The back door opened and James walked in, Preston strapped to his chest. “Whoa,” he said, looking around the kitchen. “Ans, the natives are winning.”
I smiled at him tiredly.
“What can I do to help?”
I sighed. “Taking them to breakfast was a huge help, James. Thank you so much.”
I glanced longingly at my design bag in the corner of the room, wondering how I would have any sketches or mood boards for Jack by the end of the week.
“Well, I’m at your service,” he said. Then he paused. “When do they go to Linda’s again?”
We both laughed. I was still angry with James, of course, but today had cemented us as partners in crime. We only had each other. He might look a little too pristine in his collared shirt and pressed shorts, but no matter what I could say about James, there was no denying he was a great dad—and uncle.
He walked into the den. “How’s Doc McStuffins, AJ?” I heard him ask.
“It’s the one where the fire truck gets dedydrated.”
“Oh yeah?” James asked, laughing at his mispronunciation. “Hey, where’s your brother?”
My ears perked.
When AJ didn’t respond, I ran into the den. “Where’s Taylor?
“Taylor!” I called.
“Taylor!” James also called, running upstairs.
I checked the front door. It was still locked.
“Taylor!” I heard James call again.
Mom walked out of her bedroom.
“Good land of the living! What is all this commotion?”
Before I could answer, I heard a gasp and I went running.
When I reached Emerson’s room, I gasped too. There were thick, black smears all over the wallpaper, bamboo coverlet, windowsills, and doors. “Taylor, no!” I said, lunging at him. I grabbed the tool of destruction out of his hand as he screamed.
“What is that?” I asked, as if he were going to respond.
I looked up at James. “Ah,” I said. “Eyeliner.”
Mom appeared in the doorway. “That’s going to be tough to get out.”
Emerson would be thrilled to hear her nephew destroyed her favorite eyeliner, but that was nothing compared to the havoc he’d wreaked on my favorite guest room.
“No, Gwansley. No!” Taylor was still screaming.
James scooped him up in one arm, Preston still strapped to his chest, and said, “All right, you little monkey. Let’s get you downstairs into the holding area.” He tickled his belly with his other hand, and Taylor giggled. “Do we need to take you to the zoo?” James asked, making a funny face at Taylor. “Because we only draw on paper, not the house.”
He trotted down the stairs, and I stripped the coverlet and shams off the bed to
