Chapter 15
His hands were empty. That was his first thought upon waking. As empty as they’d been during the last year, and that was unacceptable. He came up in a rush, hands fisting, gaze cataloging the entire room. Empty.
Where was Ella?
He glanced out the window, noticed dawn was just breaking over the mountains and that it was still snowing. A sneeze sounded from somewhere in the direction of the kitchen. Jude followed the sound and found the reason why his hands were empty.
Ella, head buried in his pantry, gorgeous ass in the air, hummed softly. “You know what, kitty, I don’t see any food for you,” she said as she stood up and backed out of the pantry. “I guess—” She stopped when she spotted him, a wry smile curving her split lips.
She was so lovely. She’d obviously showered and was dressed in a fresh pair of his sweats, another New Mexico State sweatshirt covering her torso. Jude wanted to rip it off her.
“When did you get a cat?” she asked him, a saucy note in her voice.
“I didn’t,” he said, glancing at the tortoiseshell-colored feline.
“She was at the door when I opened—”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “Why were you opening the door?”
She didn’t respond.
“Ella? Give me the truth,” he demanded.
“Perimeter check, okay? I did a perimeter check,” she told him, raising her chin a notch.
Shock ran through him, followed closely by anger. “You went out into that weather dressed like that?”
Her gaze narrowed, sparks flying from her winter-gray eyes. “I put on shoes.”
“She put on shoes,” he muttered. “It’s ten below out there, Ella. We’re in the mountains, and it’s snowing. You need more than just shoes!” Why was he yelling?
“Stop yelling at me. Someone had to do a perimeter check. Your ass was out stone-cold on the couch,” she reminded him.
“We’re safe,” he said firmly. “I wouldn’t have you anywhere you weren’t completely safe.”
She moved to the cat that wasn’t his and began absently petting the animal. The cat preened underneath her hands. Jude wanted those hands on him.
“You and I both know that nowhere is completely safe, Jude,” she said patiently. “And if this cat isn’t yours, where’d it come from?”
“No clue. Put it out,” Jude snapped.
She eyeballed him and crossed her arms over her chest, clearly mimicking his action. “No.”
“What?” He would never make the cat go outside in this weather, but damn—did she have to fight him on everything?
“Jesus, what’s your problem, Jude?”
He lowered his hand and cradled his hard cock, raising an eyebrow mockingly.
She threw back her head and laughed out loud. Her laugh moved him just as irrevocably as her orgasm had last night. A year without her. He’d been half dead when he saw her in Beirut a few weeks ago. Right now, in this moment, he needed to go to his knees and thank whoever was listening upstairs that she was alive and with him.
“Poor baby. You didn’t handle that last night?” she asked coyly, lowering her hands and sauntering over to him.
He shook his head and waved his fingers. “Why go imitation when the real thing is naked and snuggled right there against you?”
She ran a finger down his arm, across his abs and then lower, stopping near his belt buckle, waiting for what Jude had no idea. “Jude, Jude, Jude, you poor, neglected man. Give me a truth, why don’t you?”
She was going to play it that way, huh?
“I want my dick buried inside your pussy so bad I could probably hammer nails with it right now,” he told her with a smile.
“I guess one truth deserves another, doesn’t it?” she asked him, unbuckling his belt, and slowly, so slowly, unzipping his pants. The only thing between her hand and his cock was the cotton of his boxer briefs.
“It really does,” he affirmed with a nod of his head. “Hurry up.”
She laughed, the sound entirely too serious to be joyful, then leaned up on her tiptoes. This put her lips right at his ear. “When Dresden had me strung up in chains, the only thing that got me through was remembering your taste.”
“Goddamn it, Ella. Don’t do that. Don’t bring him here,” he begged her.
“He’s always here now. I’ll tell you everything, Jude. You just have to give me time, okay?”
His cock had softened with her words. There was no pleasure for him when her pain was right there bared between them. He moved to fold her into his arms, but she pulled back.
“Jude, that was only part of my truth,” she said, eyes shining with tears.
He stilled. “Then give it to me, woman. I can handle anything you give me.”
She held her head up, looking him straight in the eyes. “Ella, you don’t have to—” he began.
“No,” she stated emphatically. “You’ll give me this, and I’ll give you what truths I can.”
He fisted his hands. “Not this way, baby.”
“All my body had was pain, but my heart and my soul had…you. You were a phantom covering me, protecting me, always there with me. All I had were memories. Last night, you gave me all of you, taking nothing for yourself. Here’s my truth, Jude. There’s not been a step I’ve taken during the last year that wasn’t for you. There’s not been a thought I’ve had that you weren’t immersed inside of. Not a breath I took that wasn’t with the sole purpose of getting back to you, saving you.”
He closed his eyes against the pain in hers. Then he opened them because not witnessing this was akin to denying her suffering, and while he had no idea what had been done to her, he was willing to let her take from him again and again and again if it eased her.
“You saved me, Jude. And all I can give
