“No,” he said. “But I’ll start with that.”
She took his hand and led him past the cat that now lounged on Jude’s countertop, watching them cautiously. She led him up the stairs, her tiny hand in his, her body calling to him. She led him to his bedroom, where she slowly removed her clothes and took down her hair. Then she looked at him and smiled.
“I want you. That never changed and probably never will. I need you. Something else that will remain unchanged for millennia, I’ve no doubt.” She brushed a hand over his chest and down to his hip. “I need your cock inside me, driving out the darkness and leaving room for nothing but you, Jude. That’s the rest of my truth, right here, right now.”
Jude felt the weight lift off his soul. He had no way of knowing if what they were about to do was being done in the correct order. There was so much unresolved between them. But his body recognized her need and demanded he meet that need with his own.
So whether it was right or not, it was absolutely what they both needed. He was going to let her take from him, and then he’d take from her in turn. In the taking they would both give and strengthen the bond that had stood unbroken the last year.
There would be no sun today, only gray skies that would pour forth their frozen wonder. The room was darker than he’d like, so he flipped on a switch and watched as the yellow glow flowed over her creamy skin. He noticed her flushed chest and peaked nipples, and the frantic pulse at the base of her neck.
The mountains outside his window would crumble before he stopped loving this woman. The sky would fall into the ocean before he stopped needing her.
He removed his T-shirt, sat down on the edge of the bed, and untied his boots before toeing them off, and then he removed his jeans and brief in one motion. “Turn around,” he instructed her, grimacing at the gravelly sound of his voice.
Her eyes widened, fear darkening the depths before she tugged her lower lip into her mouth. He motioned with his hand for her to do as he bade.
Slowly, reluctantly, she turned around, facing the floor-to-ceiling windows that stared out into the freezing day. He approached her stealthily, like a cat about to pounce. He wanted her to feel his determination and strength, and he wanted her to be soothed by it, not scared.
Goose bumps broke out over her skin. He knew her nipples had furled tighter, wanted them in his mouth but bit back the lash of that particular want before he overwhelmed her.
With four strides he was at her back, nose in her hair, inhaling her fragrance and letting it calm him. He raised a hand and stroked it from her neck to her shoulder and then down her arm. “Your skin is so soft,” he whispered gutturally. “I used to watch you get ready and wonder what the hell you were doing to make it so damn silky. Every night I’ve been able to sleep since you’ve been gone, I’ve woken up with the feel of you on my palms.”
He kissed her shoulder and then placed both of his hands on her back. He moved them out to her sides, back up, and then down to the dip of her hips. The raised surfaces on her back told him a story of unimaginable pain and anguish. Her gorgeous flesh sliced open intentionally to hurt and maim. He lowered his mouth and kissed each scar, licking the length of every mark until he was on his knees behind her, his head bowed and resting at the curve of her back.
“I’ll know what happened eventually, but Ella, you should know that every mark I’ve just kissed is a mark of courage. They taste of strength and resolve. They are as much a part of you as the skin I love to touch and the hair I love to feel on my chest when you sleep. They’re reminders that you survived…that you held on to come back to me. I used to watch you enter a room and remember every second of every time I’d had you under my mouth. Nothing has changed for me. Every night I’ve been able to sleep since you’ve been gone, I’ve woken up with your taste sliding down my throat.”
He turned her, coming to his feet as he felt the hot drops of her tears on his skin. He brushed them away from her cheeks before licking them from his fingers. He buried his hands in her hair and stared down at her.
“I dreamed of you when I was awake too, Ella. I dreamed of your eyes always finding me across a crowded room. I remembered your laugh when Micah or Chase teased you. I remembered your sighs when I slid so deep inside you there was no line marking where I began and you ended. I dreamed at night too. And every night I’ve been able to sleep since you’ve been gone, I’ve woken up with your name on my lips.”
A broken sob escaped her as she reached for him, climbing up his body until she had her legs wrapped around his hips and her face against his throat. She shook so hard Jude thought she’d fly apart.
So he held her tighter. And when she kissed his collarbone, he knew she was ready for him, for them.
He placed her on the bed, the dark plaid of the duvet cover a benevolent canvas for Ella’s perfection. She’d changed in subtle ways over the last year. She was thinner, though her breasts still overflowed his big hands. Her waist was tucked tighter, making her hips seem to flare even more. Her legs
