But not today.
Today, he was obsessing. He was watching Danielle’s ass as she rode her horse in front of him, the motion of the horse’s gait making him think of what it would look like if the woman was riding him instead of his mare.
He couldn’t understand this. Couldn’t understand this obsession with her.
She wasn’t the kind of sophisticated woman he tended to favor. In a lot of ways, she reminded him of the kind of girl he used to go for here in town, back when he had been a good-for-nothing teenager spending his free time drinking and getting laid out in the woods.
Back then he had liked hometown girls who wanted the same things he did. A few hours to escape, a little bit of fun.
The problem was, he already knew Danielle didn’t want that. She didn’t find casual hookups fun. And he didn’t have anything to offer beyond a casual hookup.
The other problem was that the feelings he had for her were not casual. If they were, then he wouldn’t be obsessing. But he was.
In the couple of weeks since she had come to live with him, she had started to fill out a bit. He could get a sense of her figure, of how she would look if she were thriving rather than simply surviving. She was naturally thin, but there was something elegant about her curves.
But even more appealing than the baser things, like the perky curve of her high breasts and the subtle slope of her hips, was the stubborn set of her jaw. The straight, brittle weight of her shoulders spoke of both strength and fragility.
While there was something unbreakable about her, he worried that if a man ever were to find her weakness, she would do more than just break. She would shatter.
He shook his head. And then he forced himself to look away from her, forced himself to look at the scenery. At the mountain spread out before them, and the ocean gray and fierce behind it.
“Am I doing okay?”
Danielle’s question made it impossible to ignore her, and he found himself looking at her ass again. “You haven’t fallen off yet,” he said, perhaps a bit unkindly.
She snorted, then looked over her shoulder, a challenging light glittering in her brown eyes. “Yet? I’m not going to fall off, Joshua Grayson. It would take a hell of a lot to unseat me.”
“Says the woman who was shaking when I helped her mount up earlier.”
She surprised him by releasing her hold on the reins with one hand and waving it in the air. “Well, I’m getting the hang of it.”
“You’re a regular cowgirl,” he said.
Suddenly, he wanted that to be true. It was the strangest thing. He wanted her to have this outlet, this freedom. Something more than a small apartment. Something more than struggle.
You’re giving her that. That’s what this entire bargain is for. Like she said, she’s a gold digger, and you’re giving her your gold.
Yes, but he wanted to give her more than that.
Just like he had told her the other day, what he wanted to give her wasn’t about an exchange. He wanted her to have something for herself. Something for Riley.
Maybe it was a misguided attempt to atone for what he hadn’t managed to give Shannon. What he hadn’t ever been able to give the child he lost.
He swallowed hard, taking in a deep breath of the sharp pine and salt air, trying to ease the pressure in his chest.
She looked at him again, this time a dazzling smile on her lips. It took all that pressure in his chest and punched a hole right through it. He felt his lungs expand, all of him begin to expand.
He clenched his teeth, grinding them together so hard he was pretty sure his jaw was going to break. “Are you about ready to head back?”
“No. But I’m not sure I’m ever going to be ready to head back. This was... Thank you.” She didn’t look at him this time. But he had a feeling it was because she was a lot less comfortable with sincere connection than she was with sarcasm.
Well, that made two of them.
“You’re welcome,” he said, fixing his gaze on the line of trees beside them.
He maneuvered his horse around in front of hers so he could lead the way back down to the barn. They rode on in silence, but he could feel her staring holes into his back.
“Are you looking at my butt, Danielle?”
He heard a sputtering noise behind him. “No.”
They rode up to the front of the barn and he dismounted, then walked over to her horse. “Liar. Do you need help?”
She frowned, her brows lowering. “Not from you. You called me a liar.”
“Because you were looking at my ass and we both know it.” He raised his hand up, extending it to her. “Now let me help you so you don’t fall on your pretty face.”
“Bah,” she said, reaching out to him, her fingers brushing against his, sending an electrical current arcing between them. He chose to ignore it. Because there was no way in the whole damn world that the brush of a woman’s fingertips against his should get him hot and bothered.
He grabbed hold of her and helped get her down from the horse, drawing her against him when her feet connected with the ground. And then it was over.
Pretending that this wasn’t a long prelude to him kissing her again. Pretending that the last few days hadn’t been foreplay. Pretending that every time either of them had thought about the kiss hadn’t been easing them closer and closer to the inevitable.
She wanted him, he knew that. It was clear in the way she responded to him. She might have reservations about acting on it, and he had his own. But need was bigger than
