How could I think that my little buddy Matty B. would even think about moving in on you? He’s the best little guy I know.
And you’re right about those “friends” of mine. I’ve just known some of them for so long, and you know how loyal I am. But I am gonna call Pete and Deena and tell them to back off and stop spreading this bullshit. I will tell them to deal with those losers Tricia Simms and Pam whatever-the-hell-her-name-is.
Please, Tara. Please don’t take a break. I know that if you ever heard a stupid rumor about me doing anything with some other girl you would never believe it, so what a dick I am for believing this bullshit.
I’m a tool.
You’re hotter than ever.
You’re the sweetest person I know.
I love you, your fragrance, and your body.
C.P.C.
Dear “Thanks Much,”
Hey there, Stefanie. How are you? As you can see, I have photocopied Christopher’s apology note so you can read for yourself the goings-on of a November in the life of Tara Maureen Murphy. Wow, this school just loves a good Tara rumor, huh? Who woulda thunk that you, too, would be titillated enough to get in on this, Stefanie.
Nah, Stef, the me and Matt Bloom stuff isn’t true. Sorry, hon. I know, what a snooze-fest I am, huh? I guess my real-life drama isn’t enough to satiate the needs of some townspeople who can’t seem to find their own lives interesting enough. Nope, they gotta feed off mine and manufacture even more about me.
I wish there was a pill I could take that would just knock me out until I woke up in my NYU dorm room with my fabulous (your favorite word) roommate. I wonder what she will be like. I bet her name is gonna be Victoria. I can call her Tori. We will be Tori and Tara, and we will be best friends, mark my words. Tori will be regal. She will hail from a phenomenal family. Maybe she’s a Kennedy. Yup. Victoria Kennedy. And she has a house, no . . . a compound ON ISLAND. But not Nantucket. Eww. Martha’s Vineyard!! And Tori always takes me to her compound ON ISLAND. She even christens one of the guesthouses as “Tara’s Bungalow.” We go sailing and buy matching handwoven pock-a-books. We swim a ton and just lollygag around ISLAND on most days. Our dinners are long and filled with laughter and intelligent, well-traveled, very, veeerry cultured conversation. Chef makes the most divine lobster bisque. Have you tried it? No, ’cuz you’re not there!
Oh my GOD, Stef! You went away for one little summer and you came back so different. It’s like life recast you in the role of yourself.
Maybe I am having a hard-to-explain relationship with Matt Bloom. Maybe I don’t understand what this Freshman idiot has done to my brain. But how could I even trust telling you the deepest, most real parts of me now that you are so close with Stacey Simon?
“Oh, there Tara goes again freaking out about Stacey Simon.”
“Why can’t Tara just go with the flow? I mean, she had a great hangout with Stacey Simon, and it was wicked obvious Stacey Simon thought Tara was incredible on so many levels, so hasn’t Tara seen for herself that Stacey Simon isn’t all that bad?”
Stef, isn’t she THAT BAD? It took you running her over for her to say one word to you. Years and years in the same town, at the same schools, and not ONE WORD, but you run her over and suddenly she speaks? And I guess only ON ISLAND can my lifelong best friend run over a declared enemy and become her confidante.
Yes, I’m upset right now! Why couldn’t your note to me have been:
“Dear Tara, these horrible people. Making up crap about you. Losers. Lowlifes.”
Nope, it had to be you not believing in me!!
I think I can forgive you if you come to the Turkey Drive. K?
Hearts and Stars,
Tara
Tara,
Sorry I upset you. You’re right . . . I should have just had your back completely. And you know you can tell me anything and everything, Tara. This Matt kid is really annoying you, huh? That’s the last thing you need right now in your life. My advice: Just steer clear of him.
I will absolutely be at the Turkey Drive!
xoxo,
Stef
Dear Matt,
Listen, as you know, a lot has transpired in the last 24 hours. I am very sorry that I put that note on the wrong side of your science lab table. Do you hate me?
I will never put a note in your lab table again. What a slip-up on my end. I usually cross my t’s and dot the heck out of my i’s, but every romantic has their day in court, do you know what I mean?
What an evil heavier girl that PAM Shapiro is. And here I was praying for her to have an easy time at South High, what with her height and width. Sometimes prayers are said for the wrong people, Matt. I know that now.
As you can see, I will only sneak notes into your locker from here on out or until another, better location pops into mind. I could leave them in your mailbox at your house, but would your mom find ’em? Is she nosy? My mom is. My mom stole my candy cane skirt the other day and wore it around the house. Thank GODDDDDDDDD I am nothin’ like her and so much like my dad ’cuz he’s got his shit together.
I am thankful that you, unlike most of the people in this messed-up town, keep your word. You didn’t say anything to anyone about the location of Camel
