Stefanie Campbell, I will never forget the friggin’ look on your face when I asked Brando if he wanted to go to Prom with me. You almost blacked out! I was totally just kidding with him, but then he said yes, and I was like, “I’m sorry, what?” And you were like, “Wait, really?” Good thing we booked the mid-size limo, Stef, ’cuz Brando is so muscular and tall! Not that Diego isn’t, but . . .
Ya know, my fortune cookie was right: “Don’t look back or you might fall in the pothole in front of you.” And look back on what, even? Christopher cheatin’ on me with Kathy Connery? Him breaking up with me and taking back a chintzy claddagh ring? I don’t think so. If I were to look back it would only be to thank the past for getting me to the greatest time in my life.
Three colleges accepted me! I’m Maria, for christsakes! And now I am going to Senior Prom with Kev Branolini, who just happens to be, oh, I don’t know, the hottest guy this town has ever seen (except for Diego, duh!)!
We have the best limo ever! You and Diego, our dear friend Stacey and the sweet-as-can-be Matt Bloom, and me and Brando! I heard Chris is just goin’ stag with Tzoug and Dube. I don’t even know if they’re goin’ in a limo. But, not my business.
I can feel the end of high school, Stef. We are so close! And it’s just gonna be smooth sailin’ now. We have nothing to worry about except for having a great time. Oh my god, am I grateful you told me not to paper the town with those incriminating photos of Chris and Kathy. I could’ve destroyed a lot of lives in the wake of that, and for what? Nope. I stayed classy and above it because of you, BB MINKEY. And now “Karma (Chameleon)” is on my side!
Love you, Miss Northwestern,
Tara “Which College Will I Choose” Murphy
Matty Matt!
Hey there, ole buddy, ole pal! I don’t want you to be the last to hear it, as I’m sure this news will be swirlin’ around South High soon enough . . . but not only did I get into my top three colleges (I know, has that ever happened to anyone? And thank god I CHOSE to decline NYU . . . they don’t even have a proper campus, Matt . . . sure, people say, “The city is its campus,” but come on . . . there’s NO QUAD), but I am also goin’ to Prom with KEV BRANDOLINI. I know I told you of him decades ago, but to refresh your memory he is older than me (I know, right?), and he’s the most athletic guy ever, and he just happens to be drop-dead gorgeous. Brando and I are so thrilled to be sharin’ a limo with you and the lovely and beautiful Stacey Simon (as well as with Stef and Diego—a dynamic couple in their own right).
Will you do me one last favor? I swear it is my last one ever. Could you either burn or shred the envelope I gave you? I just want it gone forever.
Thanks, Tony Tony Tony, and MWAH . . .
Tara
Dear Tara,
It’s May, so my dad isn’t making fires in the fireplace right now. I guess I could figure out a way to shred the envelope, sure. But why? What the hell is in this envelope?
Awesome about your Prom date. I think I remember you saying something about Kev Brandolini. He’s not the jerk that unlocked and opened the car door . . . no, wait, that was Tommy or Timmy something, right? Maybe Kev was the guy with all the Christmas trees? I don’t know, but either way it’s gonna be such a fun night.
Matt
Dear Matt,
It’s gonna be the best night ever! Prepare to “Hold On to the Night(s).” And yes, Matt. Kev Brandolini is the one with all those Christmas trees (and horse stables, etc., etc.), and I’ve no doubt he will be wicked nice to you and give you the time of day! He’s definitely not your typical beyond-gorgeous tall-and-ripped guy who thinks so highly of himself that he doesn’t acknowledge other guys just ’cuz they’re shorter and not as built. You think I would go to Prom with an arrogant guy like that? NEH-VER!!
Oh god, the envelope, Matt! Okay, so remember when I was being wicked immature a while back? I know, seems like forever ago, and it kind of was. I don’t remember much that occurred pre-getting-into-three-colleges. Anyway, when life was chaotic I asked you to call me when a Pinto arrived in Chris Caparelli’s driveway. Remember? And you were so sweet to call me and tell me. I kinda fibbed (my Gramma Maureen’s favorite word) to you, Matt. I wasn’t driving over to “surprise” Chris and his “friend.” I mean, I guess in a way it was a surprise, but anyway, the “friend” Chris was with was a slutty, not-nice girl named Kathy Connery (may you never cross paths with her!), and she was the young lady having the affair with my then-boyfriend. They very well might still be having that affair, but it’s not my concern, nor do I care. I needed evidence, and I sneaked into his backyard, climbed a grill, and took pictures of him and Kathy hooking up. And oh what pictures I snapped! I was so mad I was gonna plaster the
