“Then why are you here? Get back to LA.”
“I always spend Christmas with you. I just wish that asswipe would go back to New York—and fucking stay there. God, what if I come home and he’s used her? Hurt her?” He gnashed his teeth. “I swear I will cut off his dick, throw him in a fucking ditch, and let him bleed out.”
“So much for your Hippocratic oath…” She was laughing at him.
“Some assholes don’t deserve to live.”
“That’s true enough. So what happens if he pops Heavenly’s cherry over the holidays? Would that change how you feel about her?”
Was Gloria really asking if he liked her for her hymen? “No.”
Though he’d be jealous as hell.
“This is fascinating, you know. She really has you unhinged.”
“She does,” he admitted. “And I don’t know why. The moment I looked at her, she did something to me. I’d write it off as simple lust, but every minute I’m with her, my feelings grow.”
“So let me get this straight… You’re worried Seth will seduce the woman you’re falling for but you’ve refused to touch since you’re a ‘pervert?’” Gloria shook her head like he was a dumbass. “Stop playing head games with yourself!”
“What would I do with a twenty-two-year-old virgin? Knit?” He threw his hands in the air. “I can see it now, me sitting beside Heavenly as we make scarves for people in…fucking Siberia. While she’s swatching colors and showing me the perfect stitch, I’ll be harder than hell and dreaming about tying her up in yarn, then sliding my fat cock somewhere—anywhere—inside her. Sounds like buckets of fun, doesn’t it?”
Gloria burst out laughing. “Oh, my god. You should hear yourself.”
“Shut up. I’m vomiting up my emotions here. I don’t know what to do.”
“Is she attracted to you, too?”
“Yeah. She flirts. She asked if I was single. I catch her looking at me like she’s thinking something hot enough to make her blush. But Friday after her shift ended, we talked about school and the holiday…and Seth. Then the motherfucking prick pulled up, and she kissed me on the cheek like some dirty uncle. Then she bopped out to his car and blew me off with a smile, while he saluted me with one finger.”
“Poor baby.” Gloria tilted her head—never a good sign. That meant she was about to dig deeper. “What’s she supposed to think? This guy is pursuing her, and you’ve never given her any indication how you feel.”
Beck rubbed at the back of his neck. “Maybe you’ve got a point. But I’m a hardcore sadist. I doubt Heavenly dreamed her Prince Charming would get hard by spanking her ass red. She needs a patient lover with a tender, compassionate touch, not…me.”
“Oh, Ken. You can be tender and compassionate. It might have been a while since you’ve done the vanilla thing, but—”
“Try fifteen years.”
“It’s probably like riding a bicycle.”
“I’m not sure I’d even enjoy the bicycle anymore.”
“You, not like sex?” She scoffed.
“You’re missing the point. I’m seriously asking myself if I could give up kink for her and stay sane.”
Gloria squeezed his hand. “When we met, you were an angry man in a teenager’s body, needing a way to process everything, and there’s nothing more emotionally cleansing than sex. You helping subs purge their pain helped you to purge your own. But you’re not that kid anymore.”
Not only had Gloria saved him from life on the streets, she’d changed him from a boy to a man with patience and dignity. After sex, she’d refused to allow him to retreat behind walls of shame or pointless guilt. Instead, she’d merely lain beside him, warm and naked, and coaxed him to talk about his feelings. When she’d realized he craved control during sex, she’d introduced him to a Dominant who’d taught him what to do with submissives and pain sluts. Then nature had taken its course.
The woman understood him, always had. From her, he’d learned about closeness and trust. Never once had she let him wallow in uncertainty or self-defeat. Instead, she’d constantly assured him that nothing could hold him back but himself. Ultimately, she’d helped him mesh a new life with a new identity so he could become the man he was today.
Could that man possibly make Heavenly happy?
“I know you help masochists back in LA,” Gloria went on. “But do you need to? More than you need her?”
Fuck. “Thanks for not asking the hard questions.”
“You don’t come to me for easy. I pointed you down a sadist’s path to help you then, but I’ve always suspected that someday you’d take a different one. Maybe that day is here. Did you think you’d need that outlet forever?”
“Um…yeah.” It was ingrained in his habits, his psyche, his cock. “How do I make the sadist in me stop wielding a paddle or a whip? That’s like the surgeon in me cutting off my hand.”
She sent him a quelling stare. “Being a surgeon is a calling. Being a sadist is a choice.”
“Oh, then I’ll just find my local twelve-step program and quit beating asses cold turkey. No problem.”
“I didn’t say it would be easy or happen overnight. If Heavenly becomes your priority, your needs will probably change. And you never know, she might meet you halfway.”
Beck scoffed. “Do I need to show you her picture again?”
“How do you know she won’t surprise you? I did. The first time you saw me, you saw a hooker working a street corner. Did you think then I’d become your parental figure, lover, and wife-of-convenience?”
She had him there.
“When are you supposed to see her again?” Gloria asked.
“Next Monday.”
“That gives you a little over a week to figure out whether you’re going to remain just her friend…or be her everything.”
“I would love to be her everything. I just don’t know…” If he was the man for her. If
