The bench.
Facing that long table are two smaller ones for the two opposing teams: the appellants(us) and the appellees(them).
There’s a lectern between the tables, where Mr. Kalman is going to stand when it’s his turn. From there he’ll look up at a hanging clock. According to the Supreme Court rules, you have thirty minutes to make your arguments. The justices can interrupt you as often as they want, but when those thirty minutes are done, so are you.
That’s more pressure than penalty kicks in soccer, or the last thirty minutes of a standardized test.
And guess who’s already seated at the appellees’ table, looking calm and confident in his green suit.
Livingston Gulch.
Mr. Kalman hasn’t come in yet, though. He’s probably still with the clerk, going over procedures.
We all find seats together in the visitors’ section—Mom, Dad, Sadie, Sean, Jaesang, Alistair, Catalina, and me.
I look up at the official clock: 9:55. I look over at Sadie, who mouths, “Where’s Mr. Kalman?” I shrug because I don’t know.
When the clock turns to 9:59, I start to worry.
“He should be here by now,” I say, and just then we hear the marshal of the court pound his gavel.
“The Honorable Chief Justice, and the Associate Justices of the Supreme Court of the United States,” he announces.
It’s not like in the lower courts, where you spend forever waiting around. The Supreme Court starts on time. And it’s not like the lower courts, where someone has to say, “All rise.” All automatically rise as the red velvet curtain parts in two places. From the opening on the left, four justices step out wearing fancy robes: Justice Fitzgerald, Justice Williams, Justice Rosenburg, and Justice Renfro.
Then the next four—the junior ones—step out from the right: Justice DeFazio, Justice Suerte, Justice Cohen, and my guy, Justice Rauch.
Finally, from the center, Chief Justice Reynolds appears. Alistair can’t contain himself. “That’s the Chief! I picked him!”
As soon as the Chief sits, the marshal of the court says, “Oyez, oyez, oyez! All persons having business before the Honorable, the Supreme Court of the United States, are admonished to draw near and give their attention, for the court is now sitting. God save the United States and this Honorable Court!”
How about God save my lawyer? Where in DC is he?
I look desperately at Mom and Dad, but they just shake their heads.
What happens in the next sixty minutes is so crazy-fast that if I write it down, you’re not going to believe that a boy who scores in the 80th percentile on his standardized tests could remember it all word for word. So I’m about to do what teachers tell us never to do. I’m going to copy and paste.
Remember that app I mentioned, PocketJustice? The one that has transcripts and recordings of actual Supreme Court cases? Well, here’s the transcript from mine. And if you don’t believe me, get the app yourself. It’s free on Google Play and the Apple store. You can listen along as you read. (The stuff in parentheses isn’t part of the transcript. It’s just me making things clear.)
TRANSCRIPT
ORAL ARGUMENT ON BEHALF OF THE PETITIONERS
CHIEF JUSTICE REYNOLDS: Thank you, Marshal. We’ll hear arguments this morning in Case 12-09121, Warren v. Board of Education. Mr. Avi Kalman filing as prochain ami to Samuel E. Warren, a minor.
Mr. Kalman, you may begin . . .
Mr. Kalman?
Is Mr. Kalman in the courtroom?
Was he at your briefing this morning, Clerk?
CLERK OF THE COURT: Yes, he was, Mr. Chief Justice.
CHIEF JUSTICE REYNOLDS: Did he mention that he would be late to arguments?
CLERK OF THE COURT: No, sir, he did not.
CHIEF JUSTICE REYNOLDS: Well, we can’t proceed without the named attorney. Is the appellant here? Mr. Sam Warren?
SAM WARREN: Um, that’s me, sir.
CHIEF JUSTICE REYNOLDS: Are you prepared to begin arguments in this case?
(Everyone laughs, which doesn’t make me feel very good.)
SAM WARREN: No. But my sister is.
(At this point Sadie shrivels up, practically on the floor. Sean and Catalina have to lift her to standing.)
CHIEF JUSTICE REYNOLDS: Miss Warren?
SADIE WARREN: I, uh, Mr. Chief Justice, if you’ll just give our counsel a little more time—
JUSTICE RAUCH: Would you like us to sit here while he waits for an Uber?
(More laughter from the crowd.)
SADIE WARREN: No, I . . . I mean, he should be here any minute. He has to be here.
JUSTICE RENFRO: The sensible thing to do in a situation like this is to postpone the case. We’ll hear it in six months.
UNIDENTIFIED BOY FROM VISITORS’ SECTION: Six months? The school year’ll be over by then. And the homework in seventh grade is even worse!
(That’s Alistair, as I’m sure you can guess.)
JUSTICE ROSENBURG: Why not let the young lady make the arguments?
(Sadie’s head starts rocking side to side like crazy.)
LIVINGSTON GULCH: Because, Justice Rosenburg, that would be a violation of the Supreme Court rules.
(Gulch has his own copy. Of course. He reads aloud from it.)
“Only lawyers who have been admitted to the Bar of the Supreme Court may argue before it.”
(But guess what! I have my own copy too! I jump up and read.)
SAM WARREN: “An attorney not admitted to the Bar of this Court but otherwise eligible for admission under Rule 5.1 may be permitted to argue pro hac vice [pro hawk vee’chay]. ‘For this occasion only.’”
LIVINGSTON GULCH: Rule 5.1—“To qualify for admission to the Bar of this Court, an applicant must have been admitted to practice in the highest court of a State, Commonwealth, Territory or Possession . . . for a period of at least three years.”
SAM WARREN: She has practiced law in the highest court of a state. She’s been doing mock trial since ninth grade. And that takes place in a federal courthouse.
LIVINGSTON GULCH: “Must not have been the subject of any adverse disciplinary action pronounced or in effect during that three-year period—”
SAM WARREN: She’s never been suspended. I have, but—
LIVINGSTON GULCH: “And must appear
