✓ Similar interests
Next, I had to fill in a paragraph about ‘myself’. That part was easy.
Utter idiot who despite her best intentions, managed to break a bond with someone she’d come to value a lot. Would appreciate the chance of forgiveness but at the very least, would settle for ‘detached person’ to know she’s very sorry.
Then I wrote him a message.
Andrew,
I know I’ve hurt you incredibly, and I wish I could take that back, I really do. The truth is, I’m a busybody, and I like to do what I think is best for people, even if my choices are sometimes poor, or in this case, devastating. I’m learning, I really am.
When writing those messages, I wasn’t pretending to be Megan, writing what I thought she would write, I just wrote as myself. You do know me as well as you thought you did.
I’ve been having a bit of a time of it recently too. My own husband had been having an office affair (how original, I know) and I also found out I was pregnant. So while it’s no excuse for being dishonest and continuing the pretence, coming clean was something I knew I needed to do, but I just couldn’t bring myself to at the time.
But that wasn’t fair to you.
I understand you probably won’t reply and really, why would you? I just hate to think I’ve hurt you and I wanted you to know – I think you’re a wonderful man and you’ll meet someone who can make you happy. Don’t let me put you off using this website. You’re the only decent man on here so you’ll have the pick of the bunch. I’m going to deactivate this account soon because it’s only you I’m interested in but I’ll leave it long enough that you get a chance to read this message.
A very cross with herself Charlotte
X
I stared at the picture I’d attached. I’d taken it there and then in Megan’s bedroom, and you could see the little bump of my tummy. It was as honest as I could be. Charlotte laid bare. At the very least, the bump would (hopefully) act as a letch-deterrent for the duration my account was active. I missed talking to him. I couldn’t imagine wanting anything more than that despite the fact he was gorgeous, funny, and caring. I knew I’d lost him but I had to put it right. Through the emptiness I felt with the whole James situation, guilt was prevalent too. The message wasn’t doing much to alleviate it; sending it was akin to taking half a paracetamol to soothe a migraine.
‘Charlotte!’ Megan’s voice bellowed from downstairs. ‘We’ve got ice cream.’
I trudged downstairs and found them all sitting in the lounge, each tucking into a tub of Ben & Jerry’s. Megan handed me a spoon. ‘We have a list! Now, what to do about it?’ she said, stuffing a spoonful into her mouth. I eyed the list.
Mike – Mercedes, house, waitress
James – Work, house, car, watch, aftershave, clothes, everything else expensive that he owns, probably Samantha
‘Well, we can’t do much about these things unless we want to be in trouble for criminal damage or GBH,’ I said.
‘Well, Mike’s Merc is in my name,’ Megan piped up. ‘I didn’t make mortgage payments, so when I started earning a bit more, doing personal training on top of my Pilates classes, I agreed to pay for the car. It’s registered in my name too. He had so many points on his licence that the insurance would have been sky-high so he’s just a named driver. Technically, my little Mini is his.’
‘Ahh, well this gives us options.’ Kate smiled a wicked smile. ‘We could report it as stolen.’
‘I’d get done for wasting police time once they discover it with my ex-fiancé.’ Megan’s eyes glinted. ‘It’s his pride and joy, though. I think because it’s so blokey in the tile shop, owning it is some kind of male bravado thing. Boys and their toys and whatnot. The deputy manager got some kind of sporty Ford Focus and Mike just had to get that Merc.’ Megan sighed.
‘I suppose anything that I bought James could be auctioned off for the Springwell charity,’ I said. ‘Since he’s so materialistic, it will probably hurt him.’
‘Perhaps a tiny bit, like a little pinprick in his side. We know where to hurt him, we just need to think bigger,’ Kate said.
The sound of chatter faded as my thoughts turned to Andrew. I thought back to his piercing blue eyes, as intense in real life as his picture suggested, and the dark hair falling across them as his head tilted slightly to the side. That same hurt expression I’d seen at the tearoom would cross his face when he read my email, and I couldn’t bear it. The connection we’d had was strangely strong, and the thought of the plug being ripped out was harrowing. My eyes fixed on a piece of lint on the carpet but moisture gathered around the rims. As I blinked, a tear splashed onto my cheek.
‘Charlotte? Are you okay?’ Megan sat down, putting an arm around my shoulders.
I rubbed at my eye with my sweater, feeling a little embarrassed. ‘I’m fine, I was just thinking about —’
‘You don’t have to say his name.’
‘It wasn’t James I was thinking about.’ I decided I might as well tell them all. Kate knew anyway, and I was being honest, after all.
She jumped in and kindly filled everyone in on my behalf. ‘She was thinking about the teacher.’
Megan shot me a look. ‘The website guy?’ I nodded. ‘But what, why? How?’
‘Well, I told you I’d been chatting to him. We had a lot in common and just seemed to gel. I was already attracted to him from his picture but when I met him—’
Megan blanched. ‘You met him?’
‘I had to. I had to come clean about what I’d done. I thought if I was honest he might be able to forgive me. I thought if I explained myself
