His car wasn’t in the driveway, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t in as he often parked it in the garage. I’d just have to enter the house to find out. As I turned the lock and opened the door, I was greeted by darkness and a stale smell. I retched. My morning sickness had almost passed, but I was still susceptible to strong unpleasant odours.
‘Hello?’ I shouted, but there was no reply. I walked down the hallway and popped my head in the lounge. The place was a tip. An empty whisky bottle sat on the table and there was a pizza box and an orange polystyrene takeaway box sat next to it. Empty beer cans littered the floor and the curtains were drawn, shrouding the whole room in darkness – it was a far cry from the cosy room we used to snuggle up in. I was about to walk off when I spotted an arm fall off the sofa. A man’s arm. James’s arm. He sat up, rubbing his eyes before squinting in my direction.
‘Charlotte?’
‘Well, aren’t you a sorry sight?’ I said, folding my arms.
‘Why are you here?’ He didn’t sound as mad as I’d expected.
‘I’ve come to pick up some things. But I don’t want to disturb whatever this is.’ I cast a hand around the room. ‘I can come back later.’
‘Well, I’ve had a lot to deal with,’ he said sarcastically.
I perched myself on the arm of the chair, facing the sofa. ‘Did you come clean then?’
‘You left me very little choice,’ he said simply. ‘They’ve voted me out of the company and they’re going to turn over the evidence and go for a guilty plea. Phil isn’t going to say anything because a bribery charge on top of everything else won’t help his case. The Haidens are paying me out because I’ve built that business with them but it isn’t my full share and I’m basically blacklisted – I’ll never work again. Not around here anyway.’ He let out a small humourless laugh before adding, ‘And this is the phew, lucky me outcome.’
I shrugged. ‘What did you expect?’
‘How can you be so callous?’
His comment enraged me. He hadn’t given our baby the time of day yet I was callous?
‘Excuse me? You accepted the money knowing you had to lie about the truth. You broke the law; you had the affair. You blew your second chance with me and the chance of having a family and you brought your business into jeopardy. If you’re looking for someone to blame, I suggest you stand up and look at your greedy self in the mirror.’ I jabbed my finger angrily at the mirror above the fireplace.
His eyes widened. ‘People make mistakes.’
‘Yes, yes, people do, which is why I forgave you for your affair when I found out. When people repeat those mistakes and make calculated decisions and break the law for the sake of money, James, it’s intentional. You say I’m callous for not giving a damn about your situation and perhaps you’re right, maybe I am, because I really don’t give a damn. But we’re talking about a job and money here.’ I paused to allow my words to sink in.
‘Those things are all you care about. There’s no exception, not even for your family!’ I realised I was screaming as hot emotions boiled up and moisture started squeezing out from the corners of my eyes. ‘You don’t give a damn about us.’ My voice shook and my body did too. I clutched my stomach protectively.
James sat for a moment, staring at me with a crumpled expression on his face. ‘All I wanted was for us to have a nice life.’
‘You wanted you to have a nice life, James; otherwise, you’d have been there for me and cared about our baby when you were shagging a throng of tarts over your office desk.’
I was still trembling as I stormed upstairs. I hadn’t realised how angry and upset I was. Since I’d left, I’d put on a brave face, not wanting people to spot a weakness in me. Even at that point, I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. I was a boiling cauldron of anger, humiliation, and profound sadness for our baby, whose father couldn’t ever seem to put him or her first. I’d thought I was scared to be going it alone without my wealth, but it struck me that I shouldn’t have been because I would never be alone again because I had my baby.
Realising that had been an awakening and I started to pity people like James and Lauren, who truly believed they had it all but couldn’t figure out why they were still miserable. James would never have enough money and Lauren would never be truly loved. She was a trophy wife who married her unattractive, miserable husband for money. It dawned on me that was why she’d always been so nasty to me. She was jealous that I’d married for love.
I checked the boxes that Janine had already packed. Fortunately, they were well organised and labelled: hair and beauty, bath stuff, jewellery, etc. I couldn’t even imagine ever needing half of it again, never mind having space for it all. I heaved the boxes downstairs one at a time and packed as many of them into my car that would fit.
James was standing in the hallway, leaning against the wall, when I came back in to get the last one. He’d showered and dressed, and for a split second I could forget the horrors of what he’d done and look at him like I used to. My stomach flipped catching me off-guard and it irritated me – I didn’t want to have feelings for
