“Nelly, I can’t live with what I’ve done,” she said in a raspy voice between coughs.
I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say.
She squinted, turned to the side and buried her face in the snow. “They tookeverything from me,” she said.
“Who?”
“The shadows.” “What?”
“The shadows. The shadows. The shadows,” she wailed. “Maria, stay here. I’mgoing to get help,” I said.
“No, Nina. Let me die, nobody can help me,” she said.
But I knew someone who could help her. I ran into the house and rummaged throughthe kitchen drawer and found Chobo’s phone number. I was surprised by how fast he gotto the house, especially in the snow. Maria was still outside. I suppose that she was like awalrus with enough blubber to keep her warm. Chobo ran over to her and reached out hishand to help her up. I could see that he was struggling to pull her up. I could have ranover and helped, but I decided against it. A part of me was a little upset with Maria.Seeing her swinging from a tree had knocked some sense into me. She was all that I hadleft, and without her, I wouldn’t be able to survive.
They walked into the house and Chobo called for me to follow them. I sat on the sofaand just looked at Maria like she was some kind of circus freak. It was kind of like goingto Ripley’s Believe it Or Not and seeing all the bizarre people in photos; it was just tooweird to be true. Maria was a lot of things, but she wasn’t weak.
“Get her some tea,” Chobo said.
I quickly obeyed. Happy that I was able to leave Maria’s side, it killed me to see herthat way. My jaw was still throbbing. I ran my tongue over my molars; they were looselike piano keys with their own cords of pain. I needed to see a dentist. I pressed lightly onmy cheekbone and grimaced because the insides were moist and tender. This sucks, that’swhat I get for trying to save someone’s life. Maybe I should have let her die. After all,she would have killed herself if I hadn’t walked outside and found her dangling from afucking tree. I shook my head and turned on the faucet. I found myself missing mymother. I had to admit, she was a lot of things but she damn sure wasn’t suicidal. I placedthe tea bag in the mug and walked into the living room.
“What happened to your face?” Chobo asked.
I looked over at Maria before I replied, “It was an accident.”
Chobo just shook his head. He was turned away from me so I couldn’t read hisexpression. But I got the weird feeling that he was angry.
“Does it hurt?”
“No, not really.” I lied. For some reason, I didn’t want to make Maria feel any worsethan she already did. I really couldn’t understand why I was so concerned about herfeelings; she certainly wasn’t worried about mine.
“Turn up the heat,” Chobo said.
“Maria. What were you thinking?” I overheard Chobo say. “I can’t live like thisanymore,” she said.
“What about the girl? You’re all that she has right now,” Chobo said.
“I’m just going to fail her, like I failed everybody else,” Maria said.
“No, you got to stay strong, Maria. I remember the person you used to be, you’re notlike that anymore,” he said reassuringly.
“I know but every day is a struggle. I try to turn my shit into gold, but it’s just toomuch,” she said with her voice prattling right before she buried her head in her hands andburst into tears.
I just stood and watched in awe. It was the first time that I had ever seen Maria cry.In fact, it was the first time that I had ever seen her show any emotion, aside from beingmean.
“You need to bury the dead,” he said in a whisper and taking his hands in hers.
“Memories of the past belong to the dead. They need to be buried properly. If not,they rot inside of you,” he said, lovingly stroking her hair.
He looked back and saw me standing behind him.
“Nina, come here and sit next to you abuela,” he said.
“Do you know what kills the spirit?” he asked. I shook my head. Maria didn’tanswer.
“Memories that drain your personal power,” he said.
“Bad memories are bad spirits and they feed off your personal power, picking at youuntil theirs is nothing left,” he continued.
“Fear, shame, doubt, and anger are all signs of a dwindling spirit,” he said.
We were both speechless. Chobo could silence anybody, even a wailing child. Hejust had a way about him.
“Both of you have been giving your power away. You’re giving it away to the spiritsof the past,” he said pointing his finger.
Hey, I was guilty of that; I spent most of my days thinking about the past.
Chobo paused and looked at me. He opened his mouth like he was about to saysomething but then decided not to.
“You haven’t done any of the work I asked you to do,” he said sounding a littledisappointed.
“Now, you need to work on your personal power, and that means working withOggún,” he said.
“I will follow up within the next couple of days to tell you what you need to do,” hesaid while looking away. He didn’t want to look me in the eyes.
I nodded my head. There was a long moment of silence. Chobo cleared his throat,and I thought that he was going to get up and leave. Instead he turned toward me.
“Nelly, can I talk to
