I have allowed the shadows to destroy me. Now, I leave you behind and alone, muchlike I was. I never intended for anything like this to happen. I never wanted you to growup alone. I made a promise to myself, to the Lord, to the Orishas, to the Universe, that Iwill guide you and provide you with all things that I couldn’t do when I was alive. I wantto be the mother that you deserved and give you the love that you need to put the piecesof your soul back together.
~ ~ ~
Chapter EighteenNelly
It’s been four years. Four whole fucking years and I have been going through lifestrung out on Ritalin. I’ve already given up on life, at just seventeen years old. I can’t sitstill, and I run around like a Wall Street yuppie strong out on coke. I have nothing, nomother and father, and my own brother betrayed me. He betrayed us. That motherfucker.If I saw him again, I would spit in his face, and if I ever caught sight of that little bitchBlazen, I would take a fucking shovel to her head.
I am not angry. I am fucking pissed off. How would you feel if nothing in your lifeever went right? How would you feel if there was no light at the end of the tunnel? Howwould you feel if everything and everyone that you ever loved was taken from you? Howwould you feel if you never went to your momma’s funeral? I am a wreck, damagedbeyond mending and I just don’t know what to do. Maria won’t take me back to seeChobo. She says that I am way too angry. So she drags me to these anger managementclasses, where I have to sit in a room with a bunch of fucking rejects and explain to themwhy I beat up a fucking police officer.
Well, it all started when I walked into a room and found my mother dead. Yeah, andI didn’t take well to someone trying to pull me off of her at that time, I didn’t give a shitif it was a police officer or a fucking monk! No one was going to take me away from mymom. Not ever again. I couldn’t sit still in classes. I kept having visions of Nico. I justcouldn’t forget all the nasty things he made me do. I could only imagine what he wasdoing to my brother. But I kept telling myself that I didn’t care, that he belonged to Nicoand wasn’t part of my family anymore. However, I kept envisioning him as a sad andlonely boy who needed my help more than ever.
I failed all of my classes and really didn’t give a shit. Thank God for the No ChildLeft Behind thing, if I am going to be stupid then so is everybody else. Wasn’t theresomeone who said something about people liking equality more than freedom? Hell. Ican’t think of his name and I really don’t give a shit either. I looked at the clock andgrunted. It was time to go home. I had been living with Maria for four years now, and thebitch was colder than a frigid whore. I think that the woman said a total of four words tome since my mom’s death. Mainly, she barked at me to do this, to do that. She really goton my nerves. I just couldn’t wait until I was old enough to be on my own. I stomped intothe house and flipped my shoes off after slamming the door shut.
“Nelly!” Maria yelled.
“What?” I spat.
“Don’t slam the door like that. What are you crazy?” She yelled from the kitchen.Did she really want me to answer that question? I adjusted my bookbag and was
heading to my room, when she called me again.
“Nelly.” “What!”
“I need you to clean out the basement,” she yelled from the kitchen.“The basement? For what?” I said, rolling my eyes.
“Don’t worry about what, just do it,” she snapped.
I crossed my arms over my chest. I wanted to run away. I wanted to be free from itall and belong to a family that actually gave a shit. I stomped down the basement stairsand took a look around. Oh Hell no.
“Maria, you want me to clean the whole basement by myself?” I asked, walking intothe kitchen. It seemed that I had taken her by surprise. She turned around abruptlyplacing her hands behind her back. Was she hiding something?
“There’s a heavy dresser, not to mention big boxes that I can’t move by myself.”“Well, move what you can and then leave the rest for me,” Maria said.That was a bunch of bullshit. The only thing that she could move was a fork and
spoon.
Frustrated, I shook my head and slammed my book bag down. “Hey, girl don’t getno attitude with me. Your little ass is the one living in my house.”
Here we go again, more talk about me being ungrateful. I knew that no one wantedme Maria, but you didn’t have to throw it in my face every second.
I marched down the stairs and into the basement. There were boxes everywhere.There was a large dresser, an amour, and even a set of bunk beds that was buried in thecorner. I shook my head. This was a task that was almost impossible to finish, even withMaria’s help. I sighed.
“This is absolutely ridiculous.” I said to myself as I continued to look around theroom. There had to be some kind of child labor laws that Maria was violating. Ienvisioned myself sneaking into the kitchen and making that forbidden phone call tochild services. I would speak quickly, faking a strong Spanish accent so no one wouldever guess that it was me who tipped off the authorities. I would watch the
