I could have sworn I saw someone peeking out of the window shade from the secondfloor. I thought that my eyes were playing tricks on me, but five minutes later, the dooropened. My mom slid her way inside, and I looked at Ali. He looked back and shruggedhis shoulders. We stood outside for almost twenty minutes. The rims of my ears wereburning, my skin began to prickle, and my toes felt numb. My mom opened the door andwaved for us to come in. Warily, we both entered the house.
We walked into the living room and saw my father sitting on the sofa. He waswearing a sweat-stained, wife beater shirt and a pair of cut off jeans. Mommy always toldme that he used to be very handsome.
“It was love at first sight.,” she would say, smiling and dancing around like she wasCinderella.
It seemed that my mother was most happy when she was talking about our father. Itwas like she needed fuel from the past to be able to function in the future. She wouldbounce up and down like a schoolgirl and giggle about how our father rushed home fromwork when both my brother and I were born. I was a little surprised. I thought that ourfather hated us. My mother would nod her head in disagreement.
“No, it was different then.”
I squinted and looked at him; he had changed so much. His once jet-black mane ofhair was now sprinkled with grey, and he now had a kangaroo pouch for a belly. I foundit hard to believe that this man was once handsome. He forced a big grin and opened hisarms out for me to run into them. I hesitated. Why? I don’t really know. I looked at mymom. She nodded and signaled that it was okay. I slowly made my way over to him andlet him wrap his arms around me. I wedged my elbow into his bulging belly and turnedmy face sharply to the right to avoid a wet kiss. My mother sent me an odd look. I feltweird.
My father let us stay with him. We were more like strangers than a family. My mominsisted that we treat our father like royalty and wait on his every beck and call. Hecarried himself with a hint of arrogance and acted like he was a direct descendant of theSpanish Crown. His voice was smooth and baritone, and he could charm anyone just byrolling his Rs. Whenever he came home from work, I would jump on his back and begand plead for him to play horsy with me. Like a gentleman, he would oblige. His goodmood and our playtime would be on an automatic timer. After just five minutes, he wouldtire and invent some lousy excuse as to why he could not play with me. I felt like therewas a barricade blocking his flow of emotions. I had this feeling deep in my gut that hethought that I was ugly. People said that my brother and I had inherited the bad side ofour family genes. Our dark skin and kinky unkempt hair made us the least attractive andbutt ugly compared to the fairer-skinned beauties we saw on television.
My mommy always warned me to stay out of his way, but a small part of me wantedto know why he didn’t like me. Was he sorry that I was born? One day, I came homefrom school and saw him sitting on the sofa alone. He was flipping through the channels,and I thought to myself, okay, this is your moment, ask him why he does not love you? Iswallowed back a knot of fear. This was absolutely insane; it seemed that this man wasmy flesh and blood and for some odd reason, I was terrified of him. This couldn’t beright. I took a small step forward, but then paused when the phone rang. My dad quicklypicked it up and nestled it to his ear.
“How many times did I tell you not to call here at this time?”
“We’ve been through this a thousand times. Yes, she’s my wife, but she’s only livinghere with me because she doesn’t have anywhere else to go.”
“There’s nothing between us. I ain’t even sure if those damn kids are mine.”
“The woman is fucking nuts. I hate having her here, especially after all the stories Idone heard about her. Trust me; I would do anything to make her ass go bye bye. Her andher bad ass kids.”
“Hey, I didn’t make a commitment to anybody; I just told her that she could stay fora little while, that’s all.”
“Well, the bitch belongs in a nuthouse, and it won’t be long before she gets there.”
“The kids? I don’t know what’s going to happen to them. Shit! They ain’t myproblem. I got enough to worry about.”
My lower lip started to quiver. At the moment I just wished that I could disappear. Itseemed that time had stopped. I was still careful to be very quiet. I couldn’t let him seeme. Slowly, I turned around and tiptoed out the door. I was sure to close it carefully. Myfeet were on autopilot. I started to trot slowly and then my legs began to move morequickly. I started to run with my arms and legs swinging wildly like a horse that had goneastray. I ran full force into the woods as thickets and twigs slapped against my face. But Ididn’t feel any pain. My feet went into overdrive and I sprinted like an athlete running ahundred meter dash, jumping over fallen logs like an Olympian gold medalist. He didn’tcare about me. He didn’t think that I was his daughter. The thoughts went around andaround in my mind like a giant Farris wheel. He didn’t love me. He was putting on an act,pretending that he cared. He didn’t want us around. He didn’t love us.
My heart was pounding, almost out of my chest. I was sweating and tresses of
