“Felicity, you didn’t need to—”
“On the contrary.” Felicity lifted her drink. “I think I did.” She held out her glass.
Carmen raised hers, and they tapped.
“So,” Felicity said after a moment. “Would you care to explain what you blurted out downstairs?” She arched one eyebrow. “And don’t try to tell me it was nothing. You haven’t been you ever since you split up with Gerald. Well, before then, actually. And now you tell me you’re attracted to a woman ?”
Carmen could pretend. Say it was merely her work and that everything would be all right once she got on top of that again. But that would be a big lie, and she and Felicity had a better friendship than that. “I think… Something is happening to me, and I don’t…” God, how do I even explain this? I barely understand it myself .
Felicity, to her credit, kept quiet.
Carmen reached for her hand and held it tight. She needed an anchor, the holdfast of her friend’s strength and love while her emotions spun in free fall. “I honestly don’t know how to say it. It’s absurd. Completely absurd.”
Felicity’s eyes widened, and her hand beneath Carmen’s tensed. “Oh. Oh, Carmen, I’m sorry. Look, you know I love you, I do, but I don’t love you. You understand? I mean, obviously I’m awfully flattered, but—”
What the—? Realisation dawned. “No! ”
Heads turned from all around the semicircle of the bar.
Carmen sucked in a breath and lowered her voice. “God, no, that’s not what this is.”
“Oh! Oh God.” Felicity blushed a deep red. “I’m so sorry, darling. I thought… God, never mind.” She reached for her champagne and took a gulp.
Carmen leaned her chin in her hand. “It’s okay. I’m not exactly being clear, am I?”
“No, you’re not. Honestly, what is going on?”
“Ash.”
Felicity frowned. “Ash?”
“Yes, Ash.” Carmen swallowed. “I, um, seem to be… I’m really attracted to her.”
Okay, well, it was out there now. Actually, saying the words out loud for the first time was good. She’d expected internal panic and the cold finger of fear to trace down her spine, but no, apart from a rapidly beating heart at sharing such a monumental thing, it was fine.
Hmm, okay .
She braced herself for Felicity’s response, unable to look at her, focusing instead on the rise of the bubbles in her champagne glass.
“You? To Ash?” The lines on Felicity’s forehead deepened. “You mean…?” She waved a hand in the air. “No, sorry, you need to explain.”
Carmen sighed. “Well, that’s the tricky part. I can’t really explain it. Not even to myself. I mean, I’m straight. I’m forty-three years old, and I’ve always been straight. So why do I keep thinking about her?”
“I’m baffled, darling. I mean, you barely know her. Oh God, you’re going through some sort of midlife crisis, aren’t you? Don’t make a fool of yourself, darling. Not like I did.” She flushed.
“No, it’s not that.” Carmen could understand why Felicity would think so, but she was insulted nonetheless. “These are genuine feelings, not something silly and throwaway.”
Felicity folded her arms. “You shared a pastry one morning a couple of weeks ago. How can that make you think—”
Guilt rushed through Carmen. She held up a hand. “Um, not quite.”
“What?”
“I have actually seen her a couple more times since then.”
Felicity’s eyebrows shot up. “And you’re only telling me this now?” She threw her hands up. “Why am I not up to date?”
She looked genuinely hurt, and it clutched at Carmen. “God, I’m sorry. I honestly never meant to keep it from you, but it got very confusing and…” She paused as the reason became crystal clear. “I think I didn’t want to talk about it because if I kept it inside, it would just go away.”
“Only it hasn’t?” Felicity’s voice was gentle.
Carmen shook her head.
“Well.” Felicity nudged Carmen’s glass towards her. “Then I think we’re going to need another one of these while you fill me in.”
“Thank you.” Carmen took Felicity’s hand and squeezed it.
“Of course, sweetheart. Did you honestly think I’d run away screaming if you told me about your secret sapphic tendencies?”
Carmen laughed and shook her head. Warmth spread through her chest, and her heart rate slowed back towards a normal pace. “No, I didn’t. But thank you.”
They drained their glasses, and Felicity signalled for another round. “So start at the beginning, please.”
Over the second glass, Carmen slowly filled in the gaps. It helped to talk it through, of course, even if the entire concept still took some getting used to.
“Okay,” Felicity said once Carmen stopped talking. “It does sound as if you two have shared some good and important time together. But,” she held up a finger, “are you sure it’s an attraction? As in, this is someone you would actively want to date? And then kiss and eventually go to bed with? Because that’s a big step to consider, don’t you think?”
At the word kiss, a strange sensation of butterflies and tension flooded Carmen’s stomach. Thoughts she’d tried so hard to shy away from over the last two days invaded her brain: Ash’s mouth, with those full lips, on hers. Ash’s arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer. Her hands in Ash’s hair, deepening the kiss…
The butterflies and delicious tension in her belly flew south. Oh God. She placed a hand on her cheek. The heat there was intense.
Felicity grinned. “Ah, I see.”
Carmen fumbled for her glass and downed the contents in one.
Felicity laughed, then stopped, a hand clutched to her chest. “Wait! I just remembered something. That disastrous day I went to her studio to, um, you know…” Her cheeks pinked once more.
“I remember.” Carmen wondered why a feeling distinctly similar to jealousy now roiled in her stomach.
“Well, there was a sketchbook open on the counter. She’s very talented. Beautiful use of shading. Anyway, there was a sketch of you in there!”
“Wh-what?” Carmen’s heart skipped a beat. “Surely not. That’s…that’s ridiculous.” How did it get so warm in here all of a sudden? “Why would Ash have a sketch of
