“Yes, you could.” Felicity shook her head. “I’m not saying Gerald was awful. He’s anything but. My concerns are more about you and what you seem to be willing to settle for in terms of a relationship. I think you’ve been selling yourself short for quite some time. I’m not sure why that is. You’re a wonderful person, incredibly smart and driven; you’re gorgeous for days and most definitely coming into your sexual prime”—Carmen’s face burned—“and it’s been difficult to see you in a relationship that lacked spark. You need to be with someone you can fully connect with. Gerald, lovely as he is, wasn’t the one. And I think you deserve the one.”
Carmen didn’t know what to say. Felicity’s words touched her, yet at the same time she struggled to accept them. “He was a great catch. I should have been happy.”
Felicity shook her head once more. “He wasn’t right for you; that’s why it didn’t feel right. No matter how compatible you looked on the surface, you weren’t deep inside. Yes, I know, you felt you just wanted some casual company while you worked on building up the agency. Someone who would make no excessive demands on your time. I understand why that would be appealing—no pressure to commit, easy enough to change plans at a moment’s notice.” She paused, her gaze steady. “But remember how you felt about Lewis and what the two of you had?”
Carmen startled. Why did they have to talk about Lewis? Her hands trembled, and she covered the movement by picking up her wineglass. “Yes, I know. But that was because I was young and he was my first love and—”
“Age has nothing to do with it.” Felicity waved a hand dismissively in Carmen’s direction. “Lewis lit you up. You looked like you could take on the whole world when you were with him, and I don’t mean because you were somehow an incomplete person when he wasn’t around. I mean because he loved you for who you were and who you were yet to be. He’d stay up all night listening to you plan for the future and talking it all through with you. He’d drop anything to help you work on a project or proposal, and you’d do the same for him. You gave each other so much energy, so much support. And at the same time, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other.” She took a deep breath. “Answer me honestly, was that what you had with Gerald? Or any of the other men you’ve dated since Lewis?”
Carmen slumped in her seat. Felicity, as usual, was right. And now Carmen was coming to realise how much she’d missed having the kind of connection Felicity described. “No, I haven’t.”
To Carmen’s surprise, Felicity didn’t give her usual triumphant look at being proved right. Instead, she softened her posture and took Carmen’s hand. “You need to be with a man just like Lewis again, someone who will actively support you every step of the way in whatever you want to do and make your toes tingle.”
There was a wistfulness to Felicity’s tone that gave Carmen pause. “I’ve…I’ve never heard you talk like that. Have you…? Didn’t Michael do that for you? I never did understand why you two suddenly had so much trouble and ended up getting divorced. I mean, you said you just drifted but…”
Felicity blinked rapidly a few times. “He cheated on me,” she whispered.
“What? How come I’m only just hearing about this now?”
Felicity’s eyes glistened. “I was so embarrassed. She was his secretary, for God’s sake. I never told a soul. I just couldn’t face the looks I was going to get.”
Carmen squeezed Felicity’s hand. “Shit, I’m so sorry. And I’m sorry you didn’t feel you could come to me with that. If I did anything to make you think that—”
“No! God, no. It was just… I couldn’t bear talking about it, and I just wanted it all to go away.” She sniffed delicately. “And yes, Michael did do all of those things for me that I wish for you, and that’s what made it hurt even more.” She swallowed. “I had it once, and it was wonderful. It turned sour for me, true, but I can’t help it; I’m a hopeless romantic, and I still want all of that for you. He’s out there somewhere. I’m sure of it.”
By unspoken agreement they sat in silence then and finished their wine, holding hands across the breakfast bar.
Chapter 5
“Maybe you should take a break.”
Monica’s voice broke into Carmen’s thoughts, startling her.
“What?”
Monica stood and walked across their shared office, her expression sympathetic. “I know from being cc’d on so many emails yesterday that you put in a full day on a weekend again, and you’ve been staring into space for at least ten minutes now.”
“Have I?”
Shit, she’d had no idea. How embarrassing—not exactly setting the best example to my assistant lately, am I?
The good news was the weekend work had kept her mind off Gerald. The bad news was it meant all her thoughts about him and relationships in general had decided to revisit her brain just as she tried to sleep. She was exhausted.
“You have.” Monica chuckled, and her long red curls bounced as her shoulders shook. “Maybe you need another coffee?”
“Probably. I’ll just get Beverley to—”
“No, don’t do that. Get out of here for a little while. You’ve got time—your next appointment isn’t for another hour. Go to Alma’s and get one of their amazing espressos.”
Carmen exhaled a long breath. Yeah, maybe the walk to Alma’s would be good. She laughed. “Oh, this wouldn’t have anything to do with someone wanting a Portuguese custard tart by any chance, would it?”
Monica’s wide-eyed look of feigned innocence merely made Carmen laugh harder.
“All right, all right. I’ll go. You’re right; I need some air.”
“Is there…? Well, if it’s work, you know I want to help
