“Not necessarily. You’re more likely to get a false negative this early than a false positive. You should visit your doctor to be sure though.”
“I’m on the pill.” I felt like I was whining but come on, an unplanned pregnancy wasn’t something that would happen to me.
“Have you been taking it regularly? Same time, every day?” the nurse asked me.
“Yes. Of course.” My tone sounded like, “duh,” because I absolutely took it the same time every day. I was the type of person people could set their clocks to.
“Have you been on antibiotics or other medication recently?”
“No.” I worked to keep the panic at bay. I didn’t need the townspeople of Salvation to see me completely lose it.
“Do you take anything else?”
I scanned my brain. I hadn’t been sick. I’d had a few headaches, but Ryder had soothed those with sex. God damn him.
“Supplements?” she prodded.
“Oh, uh, I take St. John’s Wort,” I said. But a natural remedy to help my moods couldn’t be a problem. Could it?
The sound the nurse made suggested maybe it could. “You need to see your doctor to verify the pregnancy or rule it out.”
Oh God. “Are you saying St. John’s Wort could have caused this?”
“Sex caused it,” the nurse said. “But St. John’s Wort can negate the effectiveness of birth control.”
That couldn’t be right. Was this lady a real nurse? “I’ve been taking both for years.”
“Have you been having sex for years?”
I closed my eyes, feeling completely defeated. “No.”
“See your doctor. It sounds like this isn’t a planned pregnancy—”
“No.”
“Find out for sure if you’re pregnant first. Worry about the ramifications of it once you know whether you’re really pregnant or not.”
I finished the call and just sat for a moment. How could this happen? To me of all people. Everything I did was well orchestrated. I was always prepared. It didn’t make sense that the world would throw me for a loop when I’d been so careful.
I pushed everything away. It was a skill I learned growing up to deal with my father. Panic and upset were the enemies of getting over problems. The same was true now. I needed to be calm.
I stood and went back into the building. With my eyes forward and my intention ready to focus on work, I went to my desk.
Sinclair came out of her office and walked to me. “There you are. Everything okay?”
I plastered on a smile. “Yep.” I could feel tears starting to well in my eyes. I willed them to stop.
Sinclair frowned. “You sure? You look…Scared? Upset?”
How about both, I thought.
I worked to force myself to appear normal, but the fear couldn’t be contained. “I’m pregnant,” I blurted like a madwoman.
Just then I heard movement and saw Brooke enter the main office area. Great. Just what I needed. Her eyes widened and she immediately turned and went back into her office.
Sinclair came around my desk, pulling a chair with her. “Did you just say you’re pregnant?”
I nodded, wondering how long I’d hold it together before I completely came apart.
Sinclair looked more intrigued than concerned. “Is Ryder the father?”
I nodded, deciding it wasn’t worth the effort to ask her if she thought I was sleeping around during my fake marriage.
She sat back. “I wondered if maybe something was going on, but I’m guessing this wasn’t planned?”
I pursed my lips and gave her an annoyed stare.
She held up her hands in surrender. “Hey, you can’t blame me for asking. You’re a planner. Things don’t happen to you unless you’ve willed them to existence.”
My tears fell. “Right? How did this happen? I was careful. Now what am I going to do? Ryder isn’t ready to be a father. He’s barely grown up himself.”
Sinclair stiffened. “Why would you say that?”
“He’s a bartender and wannabe musician. His house is a bachelor pad that needs so much work it might be easier to raze it and start from scratch.”
“Those things didn’t bother you when you slept with him.” There was a hint of anger and disapproval in her tone.
I recoiled. Sinclair and I didn’t always see eye-to-eye, but I’d never heard that tone from her toward me before. The time I really needed her support, it appeared I wasn’t going to get it. Then again, since my father left, I’d pretty much been alone. That’s why I’d started taking the St. John’s Wort that got me into this situation. My father had been difficult and often unstable, but he’d loved me and despite his chaotic life, he’d been a sort of tether to the world for me. When he left, I realized I was alone. Everything I had and accomplished since then I’d done on my own. It looked like this pregnancy would be the same.
I wiped my tears and stood. “I need the rest of the day off.”
“You need to tell him,” Sinclair said, standing with me.
I glared at her. “Of course, I’ll tell him.” I wasn’t sure how, but I would. Then, because I was angry that she couldn’t be there for me I added. “I’m not like you. I won’t hide my child.”
She jerked back as if I’d slapped her. It was a mean thing for me to do, but I was too raw and upset to even attempt to control the cyclone of feelings whirling around inside me. I grabbed my purse and left the office.
19
Ryder
I shut the oven after checking the lasagna. I hoped the way to a woman’s heart was like a man’s; through her stomach. Over the last month, I’d tried to feed Trina well. Surely, she wouldn’t want to go back to take-out and microwave dinners after my excellent home-cooked meals.
The front door opened. I checked my watch, noting it was early for Trina to be home. I waited for her to join me in the kitchen, but then I heard a door shut down the hall. Usually she greeted me, but maybe she’d had a bad day, so I gave her
