He growled against my chest, as my pussy convulsed in pleasure. Finally, I was done. I looked down on him, as I gulped in a breath. Why was he denying himself pleasure?
“What’s going on?” I asked. He wanted sex to help him forget someone under his care had died, and yet he wouldn’t let himself enjoy it.
He ignored my question as he also took in a couple of deep breaths, and then encouraged me to move over him again. He was hard as a rock and thicker and longer than I remembered. I rode him again, watching him as I brought him up and up, only to have him stop me again when he was on the brink. His expression was pained. Was that what he was doing? Torturing himself? He was letting himself get to the edge of pleasure, but not taking that final leap. Was this how he liked sex now, or was he punishing himself?
I pressed my hands on his face. “What are you doing?”
His expression was lost and helpless. “This is wrong.”
“What the hell, Nick.” I started to pull away, feeling angry and humiliated.
“No. Not you, baby.” He held me to him, his hand moving to cup my cheek. “You’re not wrong. This is. It doesn’t seem right that I should be enjoying something so life affirming after what happened today.”
“Why? It seems like a good time to appreciate life after seeing how fleeting it can be.”
He closed his eyes. “I feel guilty.”
My heart broke for him.
“I don’t deserve this.”
This whole thing was wrong before it started, and clearly it had gone off the rails. “Then maybe I should go.” I started to move off of him again.
“Mia.” His hands held me to him. “Don’t go.”
“Then come.” I took his hands and held them so he couldn’t stop me, as I started to ride. Out of the gate, I bounced up and down fast and furious, not giving him time to think. He’s wanted only to feel, so that was what I was trying to make happen. For him to stop thinking and just feel.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck …” he chanted. I could feel my own pleasure start to build again.
I pressed his hands on my breasts, and fortunately he didn’t fight his instinct. He pinched my nipples, sending white hot lava rushing to my core.
“Fuck, I’m coming,” he growled as his body arched back and his hips jerked up.
I rode him harder, not wanting him to be able to stop himself. My pussy gripped him as it seized and pleasure shot through me.
He groaned again, and this time when his hands went to my hips, it was to help them rock over him and draw out his orgasm.
The minute he was done, I was off of him. “Don’t you ever use me to punish yourself again.”
7 Nick
I reached for Mia, feeling like a fucking idiot. “Mia, I’m sorry.” When I couldn’t coax her back on the couch, I stood and reached for her again. “I’m … I’m a fucking mess.”
That seemed to have worked as she stopped trying to get away from me. “Sex isn’t the answer, Nick. That shouldn’t have happened.”
She was probably right. The truth was, it worked. To have her hands on me again was like heaven. The minute my dick was inside her hot tight pussy, I felt like nothing in the world mattered except fucking her. But as I let pleasure take over, the guilt pushed back in. What the fuck was wrong with me that I was experiencing something so pleasurable after losing a patient?
An act designed to make me forget for a moment was turned into a mechanism to punish myself for losing my patient.
“You’re probably right, but don’t go … I need the distraction. Please.” I pulled her against me. At first, she stiffened, and I knew I needed to let her go. But then her body went pliant against mine. All those smooth soft curves melted into me, giving me warmth.
“The guilt is going to swallow me whole.” I didn’t know why I was saying all this. Yes, she and I had a relationship once, but now she was the hospital lawyer. It was her job to determine if I’d done something wrong. Confessing my guilt wasn’t wise.
“Nick.” Her arms went around me, and I sank into them.
“You’re so sweet and good … I fucking need that right now.” I steered back to the couch. My dick was hard again. I needed to be inside her, to feel a part of something and not like I was whirling off into an abyss.
She sat and pulled me over her. Thank fuck, she was with me on this. “Let go, Nick. I won’t go through you edging yourself as punishment again.”
“I want to get lost in you, Mia. I want to drown in you.” I ran my hands down her body, this time trying to pay attention. I wanted to reacquaint myself with her smooth skin and luscious curves. Her pussy was wet and I wanted to taste her there, the only thing I hadn’t done when we’d been together before.
She pulled me to her. “Take what you need.”
I realized I still had on the last condom. “I need another condom.” I pulled the last condom off, tying the end, and setting it on a napkin on the coffee table. I reached for my wallet that I’d tossed on the table when I’d gotten the last condom. I quickly covered my dick and then lay over her, lifting her thigh over my hip.
“Thank you for this,” I said, feeling a bit like an idiot and yet, who knew what my mind would be like had she not shown up. Had she not given me a moment to forget.
She pulled my head down and kissed me. From the first time I kissed her years ago, until now, her lips were like a magic elixir. Tasting her
