“Things will work out for you too, Mia. And Nick as well.”
35
Nick
For the first time in a while, I felt energized. Like I had the confidence I needed to take my life back, even though I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. The flight back to Reno took forever. I got my car out of long-term parking and made my way to Victoria’s office. We reviewed my case and she seemed to agree that it could be enough to encourage the Mason family to drop me from the lawsuit. I asked her to call Mia and let her know. Yes, I was still avoiding Mia, but I’d see her soon. I didn’t want to talk to her until I had a better sense of where my life was and what I’d be able to offer her.
I left Victoria’s office and went directly to the psychiatrist’s office that I’d called and made an appointment with before I left San Diego. The idea that talking about problems would make them go away still baffled me, but I couldn’t deny that one visit with a counselor had reframed some of my thoughts and re-energized me. I wasn’t cured, but if I was to have any peace, this felt like the answer.
That meeting didn’t have me leaving with any great epiphanies, but I didn’t feel worse. I set up a standing weekly visit, and walked out with a few new tools, beyond the journal, to help me if I felt an episode coming on. The psychiatrist did encourage me to get back into medicine if that was my end goal.
“It is easier to deal with difficulties if you don’t have to experience them, but if you want to practice medicine, you need to learn how to handle them while in the thick of it. It’s like the proverbial horse. You have to get back on. With a few coping skills, you’ll be able to desensitize the experiences, and have fewer episodes.”
I had to trust that was true. I wanted it to be true and would work to make it so.
I drove back to Goldrush Lake, enjoying the beauty of the mountains and fresh air. As I entered the outskirts, I had a tingle of anxiety in my lower spine. The last time I was here, a group of people wanted to string me up and ended up hurting Mia. Did they still feel that way? Would they always feel that way, even if it was proven that I wasn’t negligent or the cause of Ms. Mason’s death? If so, could I continue to live there, even if Mia gave me a chance?
I shook my head. One thing at a time, Foster. I spent the next few days holed up at home, looking at my options, and making plans. I realized the job prospect was going to take longer than I wanted to wait. I needed to see Mia. So, I upped the plan to put that in action.
I headed to the Parker Sports store. Eli and I weren’t friends anymore, and it was unlikely we would ever be, but this time I’d try to do things right. I parked out front and entered the store. I remembered going there as a kid and playing with Eli. To us, the sports equipment was like toys.
The store had several shoppers. Eli was talking to someone over by the hiking boots. He had a surprised expression when he saw me, but he nodded, indicating he’d be with me in a minute.
When he finished, he waved me to the back. I followed him into the office. There were boxes of items with Parker Sports logos on them.
“Sorry for the mess. I’m researching logo items. What’s up?”
I remained standing, as did he. “I’m here to tell you, in advance, that I’m in love with Mia.”
He simply stared. “Okay.”
I frowned. “I’m going to ask her to give me a chance. Whether you like it or not, but this time I thought I’d least tell you.”
“Good luck.” He sat down in a chair by the desk. “She’s pissed that you left without a word.”
“I know. But if she forgives me—”
He waved a hand. “I don’t want details. If she’s happy, I’ll be happy. You hurt her, though, then we’ll have a problem.”
This was way too easy, I thought. Still, I wasn’t going to argue. “Okay then.”
“You owe my dad a trip to see an elk or something.”
“Bongo. I haven’t forgotten.”
The phone rang on his desk. “Anything else? I have a business to run.”
I nearly asked if he was hiring. Afterall I was unemployed. But I worried he’d think I wasn’t worthy, so I left him to his work.
It was late afternoon, but I figured Mia was still at work, so I went home. I took a run to deal with the mixture of anxiety and excitement sizzling through my blood. I showered, practicing what I wanted to say to her. Should I start with I love you or I’m sorry, I wondered.
I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, my stubble trimmed and my hair combed back. I wore jeans and a green polo shirt that my mother said highlighted my eyes. I wanted all the help I could get to win Mia back. If I had to start with sex appeal, I would. Hopefully, she saw more to me than a good fuck.
I grabbed my keys and as I drove toward her place, I wondered if I should bring something like flowers or chocolate. In the end, I decided
