“Past tense,” she said, looking toward the playground, where her son was running with his arms out and making machine sounds.
“What?”
“You’re speaking in past tense. You said, ‘I was willing…’ which suggests you’re not still willing.”
“You’re fucking with my brain.”
“Can you not use the f-word when Andrew is around?”
“Right. Sorry.” I took a breath to try and sort out my thoughts. “Am willing. I am willing. I’m more than willing. I want to see you. To see where this thing between us goes.”
“What about Andrew?”
“I want to meet him.” And I meant it. The kid was a part of her, and I was drawn to her. Being with her meant being with him too.
She studied me with hard eyes. I felt like she was using some special mom-radar to determine if I was sincere and worthy of knowing her son.
For a moment, I thought she was going to send me packing. But then she looked to her son who was making his way to us again.
“All right,” she said, although there wasn’t much oomph behind the word. It was almost as if she was reluctant.
I leaned closer to her so her son wouldn’t hear. “I wish you’d tell me what it is you want, because I can’t read your mind.”
“I said all right.”
“But you don’t mean it. How many times have we been in this spot where I’m telling you I want you, and you say you want me, but half the time I don’t believe it. I’m not sure you believe it.”
She worried her lip with her teeth. “I’m sorry. I want you, but you and I aren’t the only things I need to consider.”
“I don’t want to hurt you or your kid.”
“I know. I don’t want to hurt you either.”
What I heard in her voice was an inevitability that someone was going to get hurt.
“Mr. Roarke, do you know how to fly?” Andrew came to stand in front of me. He had blue eyes and a sweet face like her, but I suspected he looked more like his father.
“Do you mean airplanes?” I leaned forward to give him my attention.
“Yep.”
“Well, I don’t fly but I have a pilot.”
“Do you have a plane too?”
“Yes.”
His eyes widened. “Are you rich?”
“Andrew! That’s not a polite question,” Serena chastised him.
“I am.”
The boy moved closer to me, putting his hand on my thigh. “When I grow up, I want to be rich and have my own plane, but I want to fly it.”
“I think that’s a great idea. Maybe someday you can come on my plane,” I said.
“Yay. Can we Mommy?”
Serena stiffened next to me and I suspected she didn’t like my offer. “We’ll see, baby. Mr. Roarke is a busy man.”
I glared at her. “We’re friends here. You can call me Devin. Can I call you Andrew, or would you prefer Mr. Moore?”
Andrew grinned. “Andrew.”
I held out my hand. “Nice to meet you, Andrew.”
He giggled as he shook my hand. “Nice to meet you.”
17
Serena
Panic wasn’t a strong enough word for what I felt when Devin showed up at the park. Right then and there my secret was going to be exposed and I’d have to endure the wrath of Devin. It would be justified, of course. I deserved every bad thing he might say to me.
When he said, “You didn’t tell me,” in reference to Andrew, I was sure he knew. How could he not? Andrew looked so much like him. But then it was clear he was asking why I didn’t tell him I had a son, not why I didn’t tell him about his son.
The rest of the conversation was pretty much like all the ones we always ended up having before where he’d tell me he wanted to see me, I’d say I wanted to see him too, but then would proceed to say or do something that suggested the opposite. I wondered how long he was going to put up with that from me. I suppose it meant that he was sincere in his interest in me. After all, he was willing to go against his mother to see me. But of course, that was another thing I had to consider that Devin didn’t know about. His mother wouldn’t be happy about his dating a single mom, but at some point she’d figure out what Andrew was to Devin, and who knew what would happen then. She’d either shun us or fight for custody, likely with Devin’s blessing, and I couldn’t risk that.
So yep, I was still in the same predicament as always with no hope for a happily ever after outcome.
Until I could figure out what to do, or until this thing between Devin and I fizzled out, or until he learned the truth and destroyed me, I had to go along with things.
“How big is your airplane?” Andrew looked up at Devin with his wide blue eyes.
“Big enough that it has a bedroom.”
“Whoa.” Andrew climbed onto the bench between me and Devin. My heart was simultaneously singing and crying. It was so beautiful to see them together. To see Devin be so sweet and natural with him. “Does it go fast?”
“Pretty fast. To be honest, I’ve never thought about it.”
“I know lots about planes. Did you know that there are jets that can go two thousand miles per hour?” Andrew eagerly shared.
Devin’s eyes widened. “Holy cow. That is fast. That must be what…mach three? Mine isn’t that fast.”
“I’d still like to see it.”
Devin smiled so sweetly at Andrew and that was it. If I was fighting my feelings for Devin, I couldn’t do it anymore. Whatever happened in the future, I’d always remember this moment and how beautiful the two of them were together.
“It’s a date. Where should we go?” Devin asked.
Andrew bounced in his
