“Right now, I need to get things organized for me to take some time off,” I told him. Right now, my only focus was finding more time for Terra.
“I told him now wasn’t a good time, but didn’t tell him why. How is Terra?”
I sighed. “She’s strong, but I can see it’s tough on her.”
“It’s scary stuff,” Kyle agreed.
“I’m scared shitless. How about you? How’s your love life?” I realized I’d been so singularly focused on myself, I hadn’t checked in with him for a while.
Kyle shrugged. “I’m not sure at the moment.”
“Oh. Did the one get away?”
“Not away, but I’m not sure where we’re at. Love isn’t easy.”
Didn’t I know it.
Kyle worked with me and while he was doing all he could to alleviate my concerns about taking time off, I was still anxious about it. I knew I had irrational fears around maintaining financial security, but I’d been reading the financial news long enough to know that even large companies could go bankrupt or the economy could tank. While we had good health insurance, it was clear we’d have out of pocket expenses that were going to cost a fortune. I didn’t want Terra’s treatment to suffer because of lack of finances either.
I made it home by dinner time on Monday, but on Tuesday, working to get all my ducks in a row for taking off Wednesday and Thursday, I ran late. I called Terra to tell her.
“We were going to tell the kids tonight,” she reminded me.
I looked at the stack of work I wanted to get through before I headed home. I could bring some of it home, but then I’d need a way to bring it back, as some of it were things Kyle would need to deal with.
“Can we do it in the morning?”
For a moment she didn’t say anything and I imagined she was disappointed in me.
“I’m sorry honey, but this really does need to get done so I can have the next couple of days off.”
“Yes, okay.”
I hated that I was letting her down, but there wasn’t anything I could do. “I’ll get home as soon as possible.”
As it turned out, as soon as possible was nearly nine in the evening. The kids were in bed and Terra was just getting out of the tub.
She looked at me and while she didn’t have that expression of resentment that she’d had before, she was clearly not happy with me.
“I’m sorry,” I said, helping her into her robe.
“It’s fine. I know you like to feel in control.”
She said like it was a fault. Maybe it was.
“There’s a lot going on that involves me. It takes time to get that delegated.”
She went to the vanity and started combing out her long hair. She studied herself in the mirror and I wondered what she was looking for.
“I wonder if I should cut my hair.”
Huh?
“What if it falls out?”
My heart clenched in my chest. I felt like an insensitive ass for being so focused on work. I went to her, sliding my hands around her.
“The thing that always hooks me is your eyes,” I said, kissing her temple. “If your hair goes, it goes. As long as you’re here, that’s all that matters.”
“Is it?” Her sharp green eyes caught mine in the reflection.
“Of course.” Did she really think I didn’t care about her?
“Sometimes I think your obsession with making sure you have money is more important than me or the kids.”
I shifted, leaning against the vanity and pulling her in front of me so I could look directly at her. “My obsession for security is for you and the kids. I want to make sure that you and the kids have everything you need.”
“What we need is you, Brayden.” She pulled away, going into our bedroom.
I wanted to defend myself, but she had a big day tomorrow starting her treatment, so I let it go.
The next morning, I was up early to get the kids ready for school. Arrangements had been made for Emma to take them and pick them up today.
As they ate breakfast, Terra joined us. She looked pale and nervous but hid it well as she sat at the table.
“Mom and I have something we need to tell you,” I said as I handed her some toast.
“What?” Lanie said, scooping eggs into her mouth.
I looked at Terra feeling like this was something she needed to share.
“I’m going to the doctor today—”
“Are you sick?” Noah asked, looking up from a book on fish.
“Yes, but I’m going to get medicine today. The medicine might make me feel bad though and I just wanted to let you know in case I’m different when I get home.”
“Medicine is supposed to make you feel better,” Lanie said.
“It will make my sickness better, but it might have side effects,” Terra explained.
“Why will you be different?” Noah asked.
“It will probably make me too tired to play. I might even feel sick,” she explained.
“That means we all need to help mom.” I stood behind Terra and put my hands on her shoulders. “Emma is going to take you to school today and bring you home.”
“Are you going in the hospital?” Noah’s eyes showed distress.
“I’ll go for my treatment, but then be home later today.” Terra reached over and took his hand.
Noah looked at Lanie as if he was trying to figure out if he should be worried or not, wanting to use Lanie’s reaction as a gauge.
“I can help,” Lanie said.
There was a knock on the door.
“That must be Emma,” I said. “I’ll let her in.”
An hour later, we were walking into the treatment center. I was a nervous wreck, but Terra was
