Darshan gave a low, brief chuckle. “Then a crime has been committed on your good character, mea lux. Everyone back home is always so obsessed with strength and power.” He caressed Hamish’s cheek, the rings adorning his fingers glittering with each tender movement. “Well, I have tasted both and rather find them wanting.”
Hamish wet his lips, not quite sure how to respond to that. “What if you lose?”
Darshan scoffed.
“It is possible, even if you cheat.” Which Hamish sincerely hoped the man tried only in small doses, especially if it meant using his magic. Anything that ran the risk of revealing Darshan’s true identity wasn’t worth it. “What will you do then?”
His lover remained silent for quite some time.
Doubt gnawed at Hamish’s stomach. Maybe he was asking too much. It was one thing to win, to stand defiant just long enough for the trials to be considered as valid and his hand claimed. But if that didn’t come to pass…
“If I lose?” Darshan grinned. “I shall simply spirit you away.” He bent to kiss Hamish, his lips sweeping over Hamish’s and halting as Hamish gave his lover little in the way of response. Darshan cocked his head, one dark brow lifting in query. “No? Afraid someone might catch us?”
“There’s that.” Not that the thought had occurred to him until the man uttered it. Few would opt to remain in this small village of tents whilst there were duels to observe in the castle grounds; even those competing tomorrow would be up there. On the other hand, there was always the chance someone could return and hear certain telltale noises coming from a tent that should’ve been empty. “But I’m nae really in the right frame of mind for fun, either.”
His lover bent over him. Those hazel eyes narrowed behind the crystalline lens of his glasses. “And how have you been feeling recently? Still well in ourselves?”
Hamish shook his head. He knew precisely what Darshan was fishing for. Like shit. This morning was the first time he had been allowed any time alone beyond a few hours of sleep. “I’m better now that I ken you’re competing.” The possibility that his lover could do everything right and still fail did make him slightly queasy if he thought on it for too long, but there was nothing he could do about that except help where he could.
Was this how his brother had felt when their mum forced Muireall to compete?
Darshan sat back a ways, his lips pressed into a thin line. “I apologise for being so absent, it was not my intention to keep the nature of my actions from you. Especially not for so long. Your brother has kept me quite busy with training.”
Sitting up, he wrapped an arm around Darshan’s shoulders. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered into the man’s hair. He breathed deep of his lover’s scent—the fresh rush of a breeze across the winter ocean and the sweet tang he now knew was of barely-constrained magic—committing the aroma to memory. “I thought you were gone, that me mum had exiled you.” Or worse. Would she care if her actions brought ruin upon her people? Had she slipped that deep into her hatred?
Darshan’s shoulders bunched slightly as he tightened their embrace. “She cannot touch me, you know. I will not disappear like the others.”
A shiver ran through Hamish. He clung to Darshan, keeping his cheek pressed to his lover’s shoulder so that he couldn’t see the man’s face. “What others?” he mumbled. Surely he was at the wrong end of the arrow with his thoughts. He cannae mean—
“The men you have been with during your youth?” The words were hushed, as if he was hesitant to finally utter the truth aloud. “I know they were quietly disposed of.”
Hamish jerked back, letting his arm drop to support him. Darshan knew? Obviously. But he was still here. No attempt to leave. Quite the opposite. “And who told you that? Me brother?” What else had Gordon revealed? Just how far could he trust his brother to not go running his mouth off?
“He did.” Darshan inclined his head. “He spoke a fair bit about your past.” His gaze lifted, peering at him over the rim of his glasses. “Such as the state he found you in after your first time.”
Anger and shame heated his face. How long had Darshan known about that? “Bastard,” Hamish hissed. “I’ll bloody kill him. It wasnae his story to tell.”
His lover remained still, except for the slightest down-casting of his eyes. “No, but I am still aware of it. What do you expect me to do? Forget? The fact your mother has chosen to wilfully slaughter every man you have been with is not something that can be fast eliminated from the mind.”
“Every? Is that what he told you? It was nae every. They didnae catch me with every man. But it was enough. It was too many.” He scrubbed at his face. He’d little memory of most. To think he could’ve been the last thing they saw… “One would’ve been too many.”
“It still does not change that I know.”
Shaking his head, Hamish slowly slid out from beneath the man to sit cross-legged across the blankets from him. “I suppose not,” he muttered. He couldn’t ask Darshan to pretend he’d never heard without putting an extra strain on their relationship. His lover was already doing more than Hamish would ever ask of him.
“May I enquire as to when you were planning on informing me?” There was a sour twist to Darshan’s mouth, but his eyes lacked a certain heat. He was annoyed, maybe even a little disappointed in Hamish, but he wasn’t angry. “Would it not have been my fate if I had been anyone other than the vris Mhanek? Because that thought must have crossed your mind at some point.”
“Only recently,” he confessed. Before his mother had announced the union contest, he hadn’t thought her willing to put the lives of the people at risk. “It could still
