Punishment he understood—being in Tirglas was his punishment—but it was what he’d done and with whom, not that the act had been with a man.
He gnawed on the inside of his lip as a frustration-laced sigh whistled out his nose. Why—Gods, why?—couldn’t the man he found utterly irresistible have been someone who had not spent almost two-thirds of his adult life forced into celibacy by their wretched mother? Their damn queen, no less. With a head full of ancient scriptures and her intentions only on ensuring her brood filled the world with more of her clan. Disgusting.
I could walk away. That had been an option since he had first kissed the man. Not that he’d been able to shake Hamish from his dreams no matter how hard he tried. Were a few nights of pleasure worth dragging Hamish into a worse situation than the man was already in?
He wished he had an objective enough stance on the matter to answer that truthfully.
Darshan took hold of Hamish’s hands, coaxing the man to turn from the tower parapet. It wasn’t his choice to make alone, if at all. “I would understand if your preference is to remain as you are.” He wouldn’t be pleased, but he’d rather not begin at all than to prematurely part because he had made life worse for Hamish. “You just have to say ‘no’ and that will be the last you hear of it from me. I am not in the habit of forcing those who decline the offer into my bed.” Not that he generally had to offer. Or even try that hard when looking for a little fun. Someone was always willing to lay with their vris Mhanek and they generally weren’t backwards in coming forwards about their intentions.
Hamish bit his lip, his mouth disappearing beneath his ruddy moustache as both it and his beard seemed to merge. “Dar…” The name escaped in a gentle puff of breath. Soft and intimate, the sort of sound Darshan could listen to over and over. “I think I made meself pretty clear that what I prefer rarely comes into it.” So quiet, those words. “I always make the wrong choice.” So convinced and dejected.
That simply won’t do. If Darshan had been made of weaker stuff, maybe something inside would’ve cracked slightly. His chest did ache dreadfully, but it was an old sullen anger that bubbled in the depths. How dare they twist such a gentle man like Hamish and make him believe he couldn’t be trusted to do what felt right to him. The very nerve.
Any lingering thoughts of taking the easier path with backing out boiled away.
He cradled Hamish’s head, urging the man lower until their foreheads touched. “I shall leave my door unlocked until midnight. If I do not see you, then understand I will press the matter no further. If it were my choice alone, I would have you at my side well before then.”
Hamish wet his lips, the act shifting his beard enough to tickle Darshan’s chin. “If we’re found out…”
“I have no fear of retribution.” What was the worst Queen Fiona could do to him, the vris Mhanek of the Udynean Empire? Kick him from her country? He’d damned well take Hamish with him if the man let him. “If you need me to, I shall stand at your side.” The statement was out before he could stop to think the words through. Damn his fool pride. But he was not leaving this land whilst Hamish believed himself the one at fault here. “And I trust it to be the right choice, whatever you choose.”
The man’s hand caressed Darshan’s jaw, tilting it. Their lips brushed together. Soft. Hesitant. Hamish’s beard tickled however much Darshan tried to ignore it. He leant gingerly into each touch, barely breathing between kisses, fearful Hamish would pull away if he pushed.
Their tongues entwined. Firm and insistent on his part, sweet and submissive on Hamish’s. It wasn’t quite enough. Darshan found his thoughts plunging into the idea of dropping to his knees and swallowing a great deal more than the man’s breath.
No. With great reluctance, Darshan relinquished Hamish’s mouth. Not here. A part of him—the sensible and wary side that tended to reign over his actions back home that had all but melted at the sight of those blue eyes—now snapped back into action. “Does that mean I shall await your arrival?”
Hamish chuckled, the sound heavy and mirthless. “You talk big for someone who’s only been here a few days.”
Darshan grinned. It was hard to remember only two days had passed since that kiss in the pub. His soul was so at ease around Hamish that if felt like he’d known the man for years. “And I relish the thought of spending many more in your presence, getting to know you.”
“Tonight then.”
He would need to tread with utmost care. Patience in these matters wasn’t his forte, not when he truly desired something, but he would do his best to contain himself. It could only work in his favour. Be discreet. And wait. “Tonight.”
Darshan practically jogged down the stairs, skipping off the final step and into the corridor. He hadn’t felt this giddy since his teenage years. He’d never had to anticipate sex before. Not for more than an hour, anyway.
Surprisingly, the mere thought of it set his heart racing. He foresaw very little chance of them not being compatible.
Calm. If he got himself too worked up over tonight’s possibilities, he would never make it until then. He would have to ensure everything was ready. As well as account for the likelihood of an interruption.
Fortunately, the castle chamberlain had gifted him with a key to the guest room on his first day here. Locking the door should slow the guards if they turn up as Hamish feared. What he’d do then, Darshan wasn’t entirely certain, but he swore he’d make good on his promise to
