That’s fair. Hadn’t his brother mentioned as much?
“So understand I am not being entirely altruistic when I ask, do you want to go?”
“Aye.” The answer was out before he’d a chance to consider hedging either way. He had thought a fair bit on the topic himself since his brother had left him to while away the rest of the night and had slept only fitfully in between.
“That is… a relief to hear.” Darshan relaxed slightly in the chair, although a touch of hesitance still lingered in his eyes. “I have enjoyed your presence thus far and I do not mean just the sex. Even so, I would hate to think I was merely projecting my desires upon you, but I would require your mother’s blessing on the matter in order to have your ambassadorial position considered official. Otherwise…” One side of his mouth twitched upwards, shifting his glasses. Mischief glittered behind those lenses. “I might as well just kidnap you.”
It may come to that. If it had been the original ambassador, the countess who Darshan claimed had been assassinated, then his mother might’ve been content to let him leave. With Darshan? Nae chance. “I wouldnae ken a thing about your desires,” he mumbled.
Frowning, the man’s gaze shifted from Hamish to the books on the table. His mouth moved, clearly repeating the words he’d just uttered. “Forgive me, but did I misspeak? It was my understanding that the word desire has several meanings in your tongue beyond the sexual. If I have been misinformed, I—”
Hamish held up a hand, a little surprised to find that was all it took to silence the man. “You’ve nae been misled. It meant exactly as you thought, but that doesnae change what I said.” He peered at Darshan. The emotionless mask had fractured some, uncertainty and concern peeking through the cracks. “I just need to ken one thing: What are you seeking from me?”
Darshan was silent for quite some time. His focus drifted off into the surrounding gloom whilst a single thumb tapped almost thoughtfully on the table. “I must confess to ignorance. I thought we had already agreed as to the nature of our affair?”
“In the short term, aye.” He waved a hand at the books piled up. “What you’re discussing is far longer than I was expecting.”
“Our relationship need not affect your position in the Crystal Court.” What cracks there had been in that stone-like expression slowly smoothed over like plaster on a wall. “I am not asking for the stipulation of us to remain together, if that is what you would prefer, any more than I would expect you to put your romantic affairs above your political obligations. If you were to come to Minamist, you would be free to court whomever you fancy.”
Heat flooded Hamish’s cheeks. He said it all so coldly. Maybe he had been wrong about the man. He swallowed. What he wouldn’t give for a pint of… anything really. Thank the Goddess he’d had enough brains to heed Gordon’s warning about blurting out his feelings.
Darshan continued, the emotionless tone cracking at every other word, “That is not to say I would not find us continuing our affair back where we could be more open as the preferable option, but I leave the choice of that in your hands.”
Hamish shook his head. Leaving it up to him was a bad idea. “I’ve nae examples of a long term relationship.” Or anything more than a single night’s fling. His thoughts slid to his siblings and their long-dead spouses. “Nae personal ones,” he amended.
Darshan laid a bejewelled hand on Hamish’s knee. “Trust me, I did not lie when I said this is very much untrodden ground for myself as well. We can take it as slow as you wish. Nothing formally announced unless you want it to be. I know better than to push and it will do neither of us any good to rush a new relationship of any sort.” There was a kernel of sorrow lurking in those words, struggling to stay hidden.
“Speaking from experience?” Hamish asked, trying to keep his voice light as his focus drifted surreptitiously over the table. A jug sat tucked out of the way on the other side of the books. He sniffed under the guise of scratching his nose. No hint of wine or any other alcohol. That ruled out the man being drunk.
His lover hummed in agreement. “My longest time with any one man lasted a week.” He closed his eyes. “I found him in bed with a family enemy.” One side of his mouth twitched into a bitter smile. “My own bed, no less.”
“That’s… unfortunate.” And foolish on their part, unless their plan was to be caught.
Darshan’s head lifted, his gaze snapping back to Hamish. By the Goddess’ breath, a kicked puppy would’ve looked happier than he did right now. “You are a good man, ‘Mish,” he breathed. “Sometimes to your detriment, I would think. Men like you are scarce in Udynea. You could almost say they are extinct, especially amongst the nobility. The Crystal Court tends to change those who dare its depths, like little glass sharks chewing them up and spitting them out just for fun.”
“Yet you’re still looking to take me there?” Surely the man wouldn’t dare if it was truly that bad. “And you must be pulling me leg. You’re part of their nobility.”
Sitting back, Darshan laughed softly. “I never said I was a good man, mea lux.”
There were those words again. They almost resonated, tugging at something deep inside him. What did they mean?
Before Hamish could ask, Darshan continued, “I am extremely selfish, fairly debauched, too—possibly bordering on hedonistic, even. And let us not forget that I am far too used to getting my own way.”
Hamish grinned down at where Darshan’s hand still lingered on his knee. Yes, he could see all of
