Scoffing, Darshan shook his head. “I can choose to be that easily enough. You have no idea if that is the norm for me.”
He understood quite a few things, perhaps a bit more than Darshan believed. “That’s kind of me point. You may think you’re selfish, and you could’ve been all you wanted with me being none the wiser, but you chose differently.”
Those hazel eyes had grown bigger the longer Hamish spoke, widening until they looked like they might overflow the man’s lenses. The darkening of his cheeks was barely perceptible in the dim light. “Only with those who deserve it,” he mumbled, reaching out. The tips of his fingers grazed Hamish’s forearm, the touch barely perceptible through the heavy woollen sleeve. “You looked so frightened the night I came to you, so scared the guards would find us. No one deserves to live like that.”
Hamish gently clasped his lover’s hand, entwining their fingers. In the brassy lantern light, the rich olive-brown tone of Darshan’s slender fingers almost matched Hamish’s own weathered hands. “If we are to do this, then I need to ken how we are to go about it. What do you want out of it, physically?”
“Oh, one of those conversations.” Darshan smiled, a faint huff of laughter flaring his nostrils. “Why did you not just come out and ask that to begin with? Although, to be frank, you satisfied most of my desires there well enough last night.”
He rolled his eyes as he fought a losing battle to keep the heat in his cheeks from consuming his face. It wasn’t that he hadn’t had men compliment how good he was, just not generally the day after. “Dinnae pander to me. I’m aware I did feck all last night. I want to ken what you like.”
Nodding, Darshan twisted in his seat until he faced Hamish square on. “You wish to lay down some ground rules before we continue this? I am perfectly all right with discussing that. Probably something we should have hammered out earlier.”
“Rules?” Hamish echoed. He hadn’t come across that one before. Wasn’t an eagerness to participate the only rule? Had he been missing some crucial detail all this time? That cannae be it. Or could it?
Darshan inclined his head. “Discuss each other’s limits, if you prefer to think of it that way. Shall I go first?” His brows rose expectantly, waiting for a response.
Hamish waved his lover on. Perhaps having something to compare would allow him to gauge just what he had misunderstood.
“Let me see…” Leaning back in his chair, Darshan tapped one forefinger against his lips. The ruby ring adorning the digit glittered with each movement. “Simple things first, I suppose?” He cleared his throat. “I do not do bindings, no matter how good I look in rope—and, believe me, I am an absolute vision. Sadly, I tend to panic if I cannot free myself. Almost burnt down a lord’s house the last time I participated in such an act.”
“Fair enough,” Hamish mumbled, a sinking sensation growing in his stomach. Just what was the man talking about? Why would rope ever be involved with sex? And— “Did you say burn?”
Darshan winced. “I did. Not intentionally, you understand,” he continued, the words almost climbing over each other in their rush to be heard. “The bonds were tied a little too snugly and my hands had gone numb. He really did his best to free me, poor thing. I was already frantic by the time he tried to cut me free and—” His gaze dropped and he scuffed the toe of his boot along the floor. “Well, the coldness of the blade against my wrist was the final straw, so to speak.”
He recalled Darshan’s apologetic insistence in being unable to hold the door to Hamish’s room closed whilst they were intimate. Not being able to focus enough to maintain certain magics sounded plausible. It hadn’t occurred to him that a spellster might inadvertently use his power. And in such a destructive way…
“If you are looking for a way to restrain me, I have no quarrels about being held down… physically anyway.” Darshan’s voice had turned husky, those hazel eyes glazing over, before he shook himself. “Toys are a big yes in my books, as long as I have a degree of control over them. Blindfolds, too. Not gags, though—you could say I like the sound of my own voice far too much to restrain it.”
Hamish frowned. Toys? Blindfolds? Gags? Listening to his lover calmly list everything only served to have him feel even more ignorant. None of the old lectures he recalled on sex ever mentioned anything beyond two naked bodies.
Darshan continued, clearly heedless to the confusion he was causing, “And although I do not allow it to be used on myself, I am adept in several magical tricks, if you ever find yourself feeling adventurous. Although, I suppose that might be quite the leap for you.”
“Sex magic?” he mumbled, his mind frantically struggling to catch up with his ears. They were actually still talking about sex? He had begun to wonder. “That’s an actual thing?” He had heard rumours, there were always strange stories about what spellsters were capable of, but he tended to dismiss those mentioning sex magic.
Grinning, his lover nodded vigorously. “We do not call it that, but yes. What of you?” Darshan returned his hand to Hamish’s grasp, his fingertips caressing Hamish’s palm like it was the most natural thing to do. “Where do your limits lie?”
“I—” He’d only ever repeated the one act and with Darshan unwilling to cause him any pain, it was a stance he more than appreciated… “I dinnae ken.”
His lover’s fingers halted. Confusion fluttered across Darshan’s face, then vanished. “You must have some idea.”
Hamish rocked his head from side to side. “Me entire experience has been people bending me over things and having their way.” And
