I rub both palms over my face, trying to remember exactly when I came to bed. The last thing I can fully recollect is sitting in the gardens, next to Kane, thankful for his calmer and more caring tone. I remember the glow that surged through my veins as Kane gently held my hand in his. The warmth of the energy flowing through me was familiar, the same feeling I have when the light completely envelops me, a peace calling me, keeping my mind alert.
As those memories come back, so does the realization that Kane had basically sedated me using powers I didn't know that he had. Normally, his calming comes either from his touch, or his shadows which have, over time, protected me and soothed me during difficult moments. But this is different, stronger, a fault that spread through my brain and all over my body like a drug. I'm still wearing the dress I had put on to go to the gardens, and my shoes are neatly sitting by the door. Those last few moments of pure, unhindered consciousness are breaking free from whatever spell Kane has put on me.
He wanted to help me sleep, and a servant had helped me back to my room. But I remember, I hadn't even made it that far. By the time we reached the end of the first hall, my legs collapsed. But the servant was thin, wiry in structure, and not the least bit strong. I bite at the inside of my cheek, trying desperately to remember who had carried me back to my room. Whoever it was, he was strong like Kane, his body cold, his shirt made of fine soft silk. I can remember my cheek rubbing against it as I attempted to stay conscious. I must've passed out before getting back.
I stand from the bed and walk gently over to the window, looking out at the city below and the grounds of the castle. The servants are more prevalent than usual, and I can see Willem standing tall, his large feathered wings spread wide as he spars with several of Death's Guardsman. I know I need to speak with him, but I need to be able to do it without Kane's watchful eye. Despite his kind words in the sanctuary, there was a missing connection, that same missing connection that I can't put my finger on.
There is a gentle wrap on my chamber doors and the hinges squeak as it opens just an inch. One of my Ladies in Waiting pokes her head in. "Oh good, you're awake. Shall we ready you for the day?"
My eyes shift over to the dress laid out for me, the brush in its exact perfect place, and a basin of warm water for my face. "Actually, I think today I can dress myself. This one doesn't look too complicated."
She nods her head and begins to back away. "But…" I step forward and she pokes her head back in with a curious look. "Do you know if Kane is awake and about?"
Her eyes shift from side to side and she opens the door further, stepping closer. Her voice lowers several octaves and her body tenses as she speaks. "He has requested to be left on his own, locked in his study for the remainder of the day. He says he will call on anyone that he may need but everyone is to stay at a distance."
I nod my head and turn my eyes back toward the window. Being away from him isn't going to help me figure out what is going on, but with his focus so pinpointed on whatever plan he is working up, I may be able to move through the castle with ease. I have been practicing putting up my walls, and without Kane's constant attention, they are not as hard to keep intact.
As I look back down at Willem in the field, his head shifts up toward my window as if he can sense my thoughts. He stands for a moment staring at me before glancing over at the tall hedges that surround a sitting area shielded from the castle windows. I nod as I pull the curtains, quickly undressing and slipping into the black dress that is laid out. The material is clingy, falling over my curves. There is no need to cinch the waist as it is tailored perfectly to my size. Starting at my breasts, small black buttons with red latching's trail up to a lacy collar that hides my neck. I ignore the heels set out and slip my feet into a pair of black satin flats to the side. I want to be able to move quickly and nimbly as these days I don't know what to expect from moment to moment.
As I sit down at my dressing table, I pause staring at my reflection. My skin is pale but my cheeks are rosy. My long hair falls gently over my shoulders but there is something different about me. The soft femininity of my youth is changing. I look older, wiser, and stronger. I lean forward toward the mirror and blink, finding what looks to be small specks of golden light peppering my irises. I have never noticed them before, though something tells me that before my trip with Kan and Willem, they weren't there.
I feel a sense of strength and bravery as I stare at my evolving mortality, finding that
