“I might leave Nathra City,” I said. “I saw an underground tunnel system on Mordecai’s computer, the one that he uses to import goods from other cities. The entrance is right below The Pit. I could make a real fuss, rile any guards, make sure they were mad enough to run back to Mordecai about it. Then maybe he’d lift his obnoxious curfew. I was always faster than Alec. I’m not worried about him.”
“You know that won’t work. And maybe you should be a little worried. You’ve always played off Alec’s visits like they were nothing, but he’s been bordering that edge for years. I’m glad Tarik was around when he finally tipped over.”
“I know. That entitled dragon and his obsessive need to take anything he can’t have . . . I should have realized how far south things were going. There were signs, and I didn’t see. I panicked and forgot how to react. Forgot to even try to shift. All I kept thinking was I can’t breathe, over and over . . .”
A lump formed in my throat, pressure I couldn’t quite force down. “I don’t think he’s used to being denied. Either way, I won’t make that mistake again.” I sucked in a long breath, blowing out slowly. “As for Tarik . . . well. That subject is a fresh kind of hell all its own.”
“Tarik? Why?” She stole a cigarette from my case, lighting the end before offering to light the one I still clutched between my fingers. I shook my head.
“I want him around as much as I want him to leave,” I admitted quietly. “I want him to go, to be safe, to not have a warrant on him because of me. In the same breath, I want him to stay. A fiery prick he may be, but he’s grown on me and I . . . I don’t want to lose him. Especially not to the dragons.”
Nevaeh’s eyes softened. “So tell him that. All of that.”
“He pulls away, Nevaeh. He tugs me closer to him, lets me in, and then literally shoves me away. I don’t know what he’s been through, but I don’t know how to help when he won’t let me in. And then, I still haven’t forgotten that kiss.” I flicked my lighter open, lit the cigarette, and took a long pull. When I had exhaled the smoke, I said, “The way things are heading, he’s going to shatter my heart.”
“Aw, Reagan.” Nevaeh leaned her head on my shoulder. “You really like this guy, huh?”
I paused, considered. Tarik . . . He filled most of my waking thoughts, even when I tried to focus them elsewhere. I should have fled in terror when he attacked Alec, when I saw how primal his anger could be. When I saw his limbs shaking with rage, the fury a blazing flame in his green eyes. Instead, I felt the opposite. That anger had all been channeled into protecting me and, minutes later, when I had asked more of him, he hadn’t hesitated. He had flipped to that vulnerable side I wanted to coax out. Because I needed him. Needed the comfort of knowing he was okay. That I was okay.
I needed him.
And I knew what Nevaeh was really asking, that she wasn’t merely talking about friendship. The question was as laden as the ones that sprang into my own mind, turning over every facet of every interaction I’d had with Tarik. But good or bad, my answer was still the same.
“Yeah,” I admitted finally. “Yeah, I do.”
“So tell him.”
“And get pushed away?” She nudged my arm, a do-it-anyway jab I was all too familiar with. “Nevaeh, you’re better at this stuff. I can’t. I’m not like you.”
She nodded, purple locks spilling onto my shoulder. “No, you’re not. You care more, about everyone and everything. And if you tell him how you feel and he walks away? He’s a fool, and you’re better off.”
I stared at the wisp of smoke dancing off the end of my cigarette. “Yeah, maybe.”
Even I didn’t believe the words. I was too deep into this now to really feel like I would be better off; I rarely felt true, unbridled fear, and after Alec attacked I had run straight to Tarik. I didn’t know what to do with that. What was happening to me? I was the big bad Night Enforcer. I didn’t need people. Maybe Nevaeh, but I hadn’t initiated that friendship. She had latched onto me, and after a time, I refused to let her go. But I had grown used to disappointment. Emotions were more easily managed when you didn’t pour all of them into people who simply crushed them in return.
Now Tarik was in my life. This foreign entity. This challenger who drew out my sarcasm but constantly needed rescuing—as much from himself as from the problems that came with knowing me. And, truthfully, he had done his fair share of crushing too. Yet, he was also a solid force at my side when I really needed him. He was the person who, with a touch, could send all my bravery plummeting into my stomach. Who would literally dive in front of a dragon to keep me safe.
Nevaeh squeezed my hand, as though she could read my thoughts, before she left me alone to sort out the tangled strands of my mind. Of one thing I was fairly certain—I wasn’t going to tell Tarik anything.
—
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
Tarik paused in his task to glance at me. “Um, no. Just lay low, we’ve got this.” Beside him, Caspar opened his mouth, but Tarik gripped the large Fae’s shoulder, silencing him with a look. “We gotta go to a meeting, actually. See you later.”
“But Tarik—”
He kept walking. I
