I breathed him in, and beneath my ear, I heard his heart beating, possibly as fast as my own. I let myself imagine what it would feel like to have him bare beneath me, being able to press a kiss to his chest and move upward to his awaiting mouth. I allowed myself to imagine what a moan falling from his lips would sound like when I was the one inflicting the pleasure it stemmed from.
“Up you go.” Suddenly, I was being hoisted into the truck, and my moment of bliss was gone. I felt the loss of his warmth immediately, and a deep ache settled in my chest. I may have even whined in protest, but to be honest, I wasn’t quite sure.
Colt took the buckle and pressed it into place, and it was strange, but that simple click felt like the finalized end to what could have been. “Sleep this off, pretty girl,” Mike whispered near my ear before he pressed a kiss to my cheek. I closed my eyes tightly to hide the emotions I’d felt.
I kept them closed for the entire duration of the ride back to my parents’ house. It was easier than facing Colt; he would see right through me. He was my father, the one to raise me, love me, and show me what a man truly was, and to him, I was an open book. I always felt like a little girl all over again whenever my dad was around me. Only right now, I couldn’t be that girl. It hurt too much to face the fact that I had to let go of the idea of Mikey and me. I had to let go of the feelings I felt that, quite honestly, I didn’t even know I had buried deep down.
It was heartbreaking, and I wasn’t entirely sure I was strong enough.
***
Climbing out of bed, I dragged my feet along the hardwood floor, down the hall, and into the kitchen. Colton, my brother, sat at the table spooning heaping amounts of cereal into his mouth and creating a God-awful chomping sound in the process. The sounds of it managed to echo in my head, making it throb.
My mother was near the sink, her hands pushed into sudsy water as she scrubbed on what looked like a pan.
I could smell the coffee that was recently brewed lingering in the air, but the pot was entirely too far away. My head thumped to the point that I was beginning to feel sick from the pressure. Walking over to the counter, taking the time to pour the warm liquid into the mug, and walking back felt like an unachievable task.
So instead, I flopped down in a chair and covered my face with my hands.
“You look like hell and smell like a brewery.” I ignored the snarky comment from my brother.
“Enough, boy.” The sound of my father’s voice instantly reminded me of last night. Which, in turn, reminded me of Mike and the way he’d held me in his arms and helped me into the truck. Those visions only started the entire rollercoaster of emotions all over again.
Colton chuckled, and I heard his chair scooting against the floor as he stood up from the table. That was followed by the ceramic bowl being placed onto the countertop and my mother telling my teenaged brother to gather his dirty laundry and bring it downstairs.
Then silence, well, besides the sound of the water running as my mother rinsed the dishes before placing them in the strainer. I often wondered why she took the time to wash them when she had the dishwasher to do it for her, but she enjoyed cleaning; it made her feel accomplished. My mother was a saint, always had been, and her strength was always an inspiration to me. She’d gone through so much to find the love of her life, and together, they’d given me and my brother more than most could dream of.
“So.” My father spoke low, as if he already knew that I had a jackhammer going off in my mind. “Was last night an example of how you spend all your nights off?”
“Leave her alone.”
Momma to the rescue, as she always was.
“I’m just asking so that I can prepare myself for more late-night calls.” I sensed the humor in my father’s voice. “Hell, I don’t know, maybe take a nap during that day so I’m sure to get enough sleep. Never hurts to plan ahead.”
“Colt,” my mother warned, using the tone we all knew well.
“Baby girl, you know I’m just playing.” I slid my hands apart and used them to prop up my chin. Opening my eyes, I stared at my father, who slid a cup of coffee in my direction. “I was young once too, so I know how it goes. I do have to ask, though, does all this,” he waved his hand in my general direction, “have anything to do with what I saw last night?”
My heart felt as though it lurched in my chest. “It was nothing.” I looked away from him before he had chance to see my lying eyes.
“If you say so, but just so we’re clear, it didn’t look like nothing.” He stood from the chair and turned toward my mother. When he paused at her side, he leaned in and gave her a loving kiss. I grew up watching how he made it his goal to ensure she knew how much he loved her every day. I wanted that same thing with a man, so desperately.
“I’m gonna go take a shower.” I didn’t wait for either of them to respond, and honestly, I didn’t expect them to. They
