“True.” I felt relieved that she may decide not to come, but only for a second. “But it’s why I love them all so much. There is never a dull moment.”
I laughed it off, downing the remaining wine that was in my glass only to fill it once more. Raven and I sat around watching movies for the rest of the evening and even ordered a pizza when we got the munchies.
Shortly after ten, when there was a light knock on my door, Raven and I shared a look. I wasn’t expecting any visitors. Slowly and cautiously, I stood and walked over to the door on my tip toes. Peeking through the small hole, seeing Mike stand on the opposite side took the breath right out of me. I froze, gripping my wine glass tighter to keep from dropping it.
“Is it a man in a ski mask or what?”
“Uh no,” I finally said. “Give me just a minute.”
Placing my glass on the small table next to the door, I removed the chain and turned the handle. Opening the door just enough to step out, I came face to face with Mike. He wore a ball cap, pulled down low over his eyes, piercing eyes that were watching my every move with great interest.
“What are you doing here?”
“You didn’t respond to my messages.” He took a step toward me, and I tried to back up, but the door was at my back, keeping me from going too far. “So I came here,” he finished, and I looked back over my shoulder like I could actually see through the door. I was worried that Raven could open it at any time and make an awkward situation even worse.
“Not alone?” He asked this question with a scowl.
“No.” His frown deepened, and I realized what he’s thinking. “Raven’s over.” His mouth relaxed. “We’re watching movies.”
“Is that why you didn’t respond?”
“Mike—”
“Don’t,” he interrupted me.
“Don’t what?” I stand taller, crossing my arms over my chest. “Don’t tell you that this is crazy? Don’t tell you that whatever it is that’s happening cannot happen? Because if that’s what ‘don’t’ means, then I can’t agree. This is insane. Nothing is gonna happen between us, Mike. It can’t. It was the heat of the day, the alcohol of that night, that’s all.”
“Is that really what you believe?”
“Yes.” The lie hurt, but not as bad as the next one. “You need to give Raven a chance, because regardless of that night at the bar, she truly is a great person. I pushed her at Lucky’s, and to be honest, I can’t even tell you why. But what I do know is she really likes you.”
“So that’s your plan?” I squared my shoulders, prepared to say whatever he needed me to, in order to put an end to this crazy. “You’re just gonna pretend that you felt absolutely nothing for me?”
“It was nothing.” It had to be.
Mike stared at me for what felt like a long time, the seconds ticking by. His eyes focused solely on me, making me feel uneasy, on display. I knew he was waiting for me to break, waiting for me to tell him that what I’d just said was nothing more than a lie, but I couldn’t give him that.
“All right.” I felt my legs wobble. “If that’s what you want, then that’s what you got.” He held his arms out to his sides, shrugging his shoulders in that way that he’d always done when he was barely hanging onto his temper.
He backed away, and part of me wanted to reach out for him and tell him it was all a lie, but I remained perfectly still. His stare continued to stay locked on mine, the time slowly ticking by before he dipped his head in a farewell and left me standing in the hall, regretting everything I had just said to him.
I wasn’t sure what was right and wrong when it came to Mike and me. Admitting that I felt something for him came with consequences. Our family, what would they think? Those outsiders that saw us as family, how would it look? Then there was Raven.
But ignoring the fact that, whenever he was near, I found it next to impossible to hide my desire to touch him would be the most difficult of all.
***
“Did you grab the rolls?” Aunt Kori hollered over her shoulder as she paused in the doorway leading to the outside.
“Got ‘em.” I held up the container and gave it a little shake. “Got the butter too.”
“Good girl.” She smiled before stepping outside, leaving me standing alone.
I took a few more minutes to calm my nerves before I walked outside myself and did all I could to keep from looking over toward the barn. All the guys stood around playing horseshoes, the clinking sounds echoing over the yard. Enjoying their beer, laughing amongst themselves, those things were the norm during any get together we’d had. With each step I took, it became harder to control my wandering gaze. When I took the chance and glanced in their direction, I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach by the strongest of mules.
Leaning against the side of the barn, with one foot propped up on a mound of dirt, stood Mike, a beer in his hand, that same worn ball cap from the other night pulled down so low it was impossible to see his eyes from this distance. But I knew they were watching me; I could feel it. His mouth was pressed into a tight line, his stance stiff and unlike his normal relaxed state.
Long gone
