“I’m sorry.” Again, I was apologizing to my friend for not telling her, for not being truthful in the beginning. I knew this would change us; it would linger between us in everything we did from today and forward.
“I’m gonna head home.” It was all she said before turning around and leaving through the back door. AJ followed behind her after giving me a sympathetic look.
“I know she liked him.” Maria placed her hand on my shoulder. Tilting my head back, I looked up at the woman that raised Mike. “But I think we all know that regardless of what’s taking place here, that never would have worked.”
“We do?”
“She’s not my son’s type.”
“Who is?” I wasn’t sure I wanted the answer to that.
“You.” She offered me the smile I needed and the blessing I was fearful that we would never get. “You’re his Mad.” She pushed my hair back off my face. “You’ve always been that sweet girl he followed around. He told us all it was to keep you from hurting yourself, but we all knew it was more. He was different with you, always so careful and so particular. He would watch you, like he was memorizing your movements, and when he was young, he had that starry look in his eyes whenever you came into the room. This isn’t wrong, Maddison. I think it’s exactly how everything was meant to turn out.”
“You do?”
Maria nodded as she looked around the room at everyone else. One by one, they agreed, besides Gran, who still looked so confused. It was the humor the situation needed as we all hugged her and told her we loved her. She was such a sweet woman; in her eyes, we were all her babies, and in us, she only saw the good. She only saw crazy kids doing crazy things. None of it really meant anything. We were just that, kids.
***
I found myself back at my parents’ house in my childhood room. Sitting on my bed, I held my phone in my hand, my finger hovering over the call button. It was quiet in the house, just after ten, and I knew everyone else had gone to bed.
I’d given myself a pep talk, then I’d given myself a second one when the first one didn’t work.
With a deep breath in, I released it slowly then hit the button before I could change my mind. On the third ring, I was about to end the call when the line was picked up, yet no words were spoken.
“Hello?”
Again, I was met with dead air.
“Mike?” I said his name and held the phone to my ear just a little tighter, waiting for him to say something, anything at all really. “I know we need to talk.”
“We needed to talk eight hours ago, but that’s passed.” I could hear the slur in his voice, and I sat up straighter in bed, worry coursing through me. Mike wasn’t ever a big drinker; he’d have a beer or two but usually cut himself off before feeling any real effects from the alcohol. This, his current state, was most definitely related to more than a couple of beers.
“Where are you?” I was already up from my bed and grabbing for my jeans.
“In bed.”
“Your bed?” I paused with one foot in one leg of my pants and waited for his response. “Mike,” I tried to even my breathing as I asked once more, “are you in your bed?”
“Would it bother you if I was in someone else’s bed?”
I worried my lip as I thought over his question, knowing that whatever answer I chose to give him would be either opening or closing the door on whatever could happen next.
“Yes.” I answered him with complete honesty.
“I’m not in my own bed.” If a heart could truly break, mine would have disintegrated at that very moment.
“Oh.” I forced the word out as I sat back down on the end of my bed. I wanted to hate him, but I knew I had no right. He wasn’t mine.
“I’m at a hotel, Mad.” I knew he couldn’t be cruel enough to give me details of some random hook up, could he? “I stopped after driving for a couple hours and found the nearest bar. I had more to drink than I should have and took a cab to the closest motel.”
I took in a deep breath.
“Alone,” he added, and I let my body relax as the tension I’d felt only seconds ago left me. “I’m sorry for being such an asshole earlier today.” I nodded, though he couldn’t see me. “The way I treated you in that bathroom was out of line.”
“It’s okay,” I whispered before silence filled the line once more. I could hear him breathing, the sound getting slower and slower. “Do you want me to come get you?”
“No.” I shouldn’t have been surprised by his dismissal. After all, I’d practically begged him to leave me alone. “I need to sleep this off.” Again, I nodded, unsure as to why, because it wasn’t like he could actually see me. “Besides, I don’t want you driving this late at night by yourself.”
“Always the protector, even when I don’t deserve it.” I said this low, not really intending him to hear me but much more for myself. A confession of my own.
“Even if I’m upset with you, I’ll always put your safety first. I love you.” I knew this. Hell, he’d said it a million times before. Only this time, it somehow felt different to hear those three words. “You deserve a guy who will
