“Bullshit. Something happened. It’s okay. You don’t want to tell me. I get it. Don’t forget where you came from though. You really hurt us when you left.”
A pinch of guilt sinks in. I didn’t mean to hurt Tinsley. She’s the sweetest girl I have ever met. At least, she was. It saddens me to know that I don’t know who she is anymore.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I swear.”
Her eyes soften. “I know you didn’t. I don’t know why you left, but you didn’t hurt just me. Reed was upset. Sterling and Finley were worried about you. Keaton lost his shit for a while. Just don’t do it again, okay? Everyone was messed up.”
My heart stutters. They aren’t my guys anymore. They are hers. I want to tell her about Keaton being the reason I left, but I can’t ruin her image of her perfect brother. No matter how I feel about him, I would never do that to her.
“I won’t. I don’t expect to come back to the group. I just want to finish my senior year and figure out what I want to do with my life.”
“Seriously, Tinsley?”
Finley Abbott sits down at our table. I would know him anywhere. He’s taller and fills out his clothes much better than he used to, but his signature blue eyes and that shaggy blond hair hasn’t changed since he was a kid.
“What?” Tinsley asks.
“Do you befriend all the new girls on their first day?”
“Morgan doesn’t count. I’ve known her most of my life.”
“Keaton won’t like this.”
“Keaton can go suck a dick.”
I gasp at hearing the words leave her mouth. She looks at me and winks.
Finley laughs. “Reed’s going to regret letting you hang out with Sage if you keep picking up her dirty mouth.”
“You know what I have to say to that?” When Finley doesn’t answer, she responds anyway. “Reed can go fuck a monkey. I’m not a child anymore. I do what I want.”
Finley shakes his head in exasperation but leaves.
“Do you want to come sit with us?”
I glance over to see Keaton staring at us. Swallowing a lump in my throat, I answer her. “No, thank you. I missed you though, Tin Tin.”
“Me too. Let’s hang out soon.”
“I don’t think that's a good idea. Keaton hates me, and the feeling’s mutual. I love you though.”
“He’ll get over it.” She pulls me into a hug before whispering in my ear. “You just surprised him. He thought you would always be there. You showed him you wouldn’t wait forever. He knows that now.”
She backs up and shoots me a smile before turning to leave.
“Wait, what do you mean?”
She just turns around and shrugs.
Shaking my head, I get up and throw my untouched food away, heading to my next class, hoping Keaton’s not in it.
✽✽✽
“Hey, honey, how was your day?”
Walking through the front door of our home after my first day back at BA, I did not expect to see my mom.
“Jesus, Mom. You scared the hell out of me.”
She tsks at me. “Language, young lady.” Then she smiles. “How was your day?”
“It was fine. It’s just school.” I shrug, setting my purse down on the kitchen table. “What are you doing home anyway?”
“I wanted to check in with you. I know this year is going to be hard for you. I wanted to see how you’re feeling.”
I feel my hackles rise but try to tamp them down. “I’m fine.”
“Sweetie, you know what your therapist said. You need to own your feelings. Allowing yourself to feel them.”
I cringe. My therapist does say that. She thinks bottling my feelings is what caused me to spiral.
“Can we not do this right now?” She gives me a disapproving look, so I sigh and give her what she wants. “You want to know how I feel? Right now, I’m annoyed that I just walked through the door and you decided it was the perfect time to do an emotion check. School was fine. It was just a bunch of boring classes with even less interesting people.”
I see a flash of hurt cross her face, but she pastes on a smile. “I’m sorry I annoyed you. I just worry about you.”
“I know, Mom. I’m okay. Really. I’ll let you know if I’m not.”
“Good. I love you, ladybug.”
“I love you too, Mom.” I walk over and hug her, taking comfort in her as always.
“Do you want a snack?”
I hesitate only a moment before grabbing an apple. “This is good. I’m going to start my homework. This school actually makes you do that.”
She laughs as I head up to my room.
Tossing the apple on my bed, I spread out my books and decide which subject I want to start first.
I smile fondly at the class I’m most excited yet nervous about. Ballet. As part of my course load, the teacher has asked me to come up with lesson plans for the semester. She will grade and help me hone them. She thinks I may have a future in teaching. It’s the first bright spot in my life that I have had since the accident. I thought I was done with ballet as soon as I heard the crack. This is a second chance for me. I don’t have to give up the one thing I love most in life.
Pulling that binder closer, I open to the first lesson page. It’s blank, but Mrs. Caron gave me the one she used for today to use as a template. She explained that this is a beginner’s class to gain interest and see which girls have the drive to continue.
Thinking back to my first days in ballet, I remember my classes. They weren’t as tough back then. It was more about the love of the dance than it was about perfection. It wasn’t until I progressed into intermediate classes that the competitiveness between classmates really started. Everyone wants to be the star.
Shaking off the negative feelings
