I pointed up at him. “The only thing I’ve ever shown you is loyalty. It started with not killing you and has brought us to this point. But you don’t give a damn about any of that, do you?”
He loomed over me. “I’ll give a damn about it when I know the woman who claims to love me can listen to me.”
“Then, maybe you should start to understand that I’m not—nor will I ever be—your kept woman. I’m either someone you consider a partner or I’m a stranger. There’s no in-between.”
“Well, by those conditions, you’re a stranger, then. So, close your robe and get decent. I’ve got dinner coming to us.”
He brushed past me, and I couldn't stop my mouth from kicking back at him. “You promised.”
He froze. “Promised what?”
I closed my robe. “We made a deal that in exchange for certain things, I was willing to let you have me every night, any way you wanted. No matter what. Yet, you haven’t touched me once. Are you defaulting on your word?”
He chuckled. “Sweet girl—”
“Bonnie.”
He peered over his shoulder. “Bonnie. That wasn’t a deal. That was a bargain. I wanted something, and in exchange, you offered something else. I don’t have to take you up on that offer.”
“You gave me your word that you’d take me every night.”
He faced me. “No. You gave me your word that you’d let me have it. I simply agreed to the terms. It’s there if I want it, but I’m the ultimate determiner of whether or not I accept what you’ve offered in exchange for what I’ve already gotten. My terms were the demand. Your terms were the compromise. Learn the difference.”
I wanted to wring his neck. “You’re a snake.”
He turned his back on me. “Welcome to the club. I’m sure those who think the same thing are out there selling t-shirts. Get yourself one, so you’ve got something to wear other than jeans or your robe.”
My back fell against the wall as he started up the stairs. I held back tears as a pain I’d never experienced before reared its ugly head. It grew hard to breathe. It grew hard to think. I couldn't see straight as I slid down the wall, watching as they all caved in on top of me.
“And Bonnie?”
I sniffled. “Yes?”
“From the beginning, I knew I wouldn't have you every night. You offered it, and the offer was tantalizing. But I made myself a promise when I accepted your offer.”
“You gonna tell me what it is? Or, are you going to keep mouthing off?”
He chuckled. “When I know without an inkling of a doubt you’re completely mine? And hold no allegiance to anyone else but me? I’ll have you.”
I slowly raised my gaze to his. “Seriously? That’s the promise you made yourself?”
His eyes darkened. “When I know this for certain, I’ll take you every night. Against the wall. Against the windows. On top of our dinner. I’ll climb under that table and feast on you while I make you eat the dinner you’ve made for me. And when you’re weak and wet and begging me to stop, I’ll carry you into the shower and have my way with you. Dirtying you up while the water tries to wash you clean. You’ll become mine, Bonnie. Only mine, and no one else’s. Every night, for the rest of your life once I know I can trust you. So stop. Fucking. Up.”
I held my breath as he walked up the stairs, disappearing out of sight. I couldn't think straight, let alone speak. As tears flooded my neck and the sun began to set, I felt the room spin around me. So, I laid down and pressed my cheek against the cool marble flooring.
“What have I done?” I whispered.
I sobbed quietly as I curled my knees up to my chest. All I wanted was to feel close to the man I’d fallen in love with. And in return, my actions had only shown him that I’d betray him. Instead of seeing the good my actions had done, all he focused on was the fact that I disobeyed him like some petulant child.
It hurt like hell to know Israel still didn’t think he could trust me.
“What do I do, Mom?” I choked out the words in between my muffled sobs as I squeezed my eyes closed. “I need help. Please. I don’t have anyone else,”
I waited for her to answer me. I waited for the heavens to open up and finally have mercy on my soul. But the answer never came. I didn’t hear her voice, or see her face, or witness the clouds parting to bestow upon me any sort of mercy. I felt my tears fall to the floor, pooling against my cheek. And as much as I wanted to move, I couldn’t.
So, I stayed there. In the silence of the penthouse. With the sun slowly setting over the city and my robe firmly closed, just like my husband wanted.
He’s not really your husband, Bonnie. Stop thinking of him like that.
“I won’t do this anymore,” I murmured.
I pulled myself off the floor and stumbled against the wall. I used the wall to prop myself up as I made my way down the hallway. I found my way to the first door on the right and threw it open, finding myself face to face with the first guest bedroom down here.
And as I stumbled inside, I closed the door behind me. I locked it, just to make sure Israel couldn't slip in after I had fallen asleep.
Then, I poured my body into bed and cried myself to sleep.
12
Bonnie
The brightness of the sun hurt my eyes, even though I hadn’t opened them yet. I rolled over and pulled the comforter over my head before they even considered easing themselves open. I knew they were swollen from my sobbing the night before My nose hurt, and
