Then, I dashed into the room I’d occupied the night before and slipped the knife underneath my pillow. “Guess I’m sleeping down here now.”
I knew all of this was simply a display of power and access. I knew Giovanni did nothing other than come over here and check up on me to see what I was up to while Israel was out. But I wouldn't be subdued by it. I wouldn't be overcome by it. More than ever, I was determined to rise above all of this asinine bullshit and power-hunger and become the wife Israel deserved.
Because that’s what I wanted to be.
I wanted to be the wife of the man I loved. “You owe me big time, Israel.”
Down below in the real world, I heard car horns honking and people yelling at one another. I knew there was an entire world out there waiting to be explored and consumed and enjoyed. But first, I had to establish a foundation. I had to establish trust with Israel before I could even think about living that kind of life with him.
So, I rose to my feet and faced the mirror on the back of the door. “I promise that no matter what it takes, Israel will see the woman I know I’m capable of being.”
Then, I resolved to a full day of moving my stuff downstairs into my new bedroom.
Because sometimes?
Looking for that step forward meant taking a few steps back.
13
Israel
Wind whipped through the trees outside as I scribbled notes into a file open on my desk. Only part of my brain was functioning enough to register the work, though.
Out of all the shit that was required in my line of work, I hated paperwork the most. Not because it held me in an office, and not because my handwriting was shit, but because it was mindless work. I felt myself wasting away with every paper that flipped. I felt my muscles atrophying with every line of text I scanned with my tired eyes. I wanted something that stimulated my brain and my mind simultaneously, as much as possible. Because at the end of the day, that’s what made a man. Not what he could write on a sheet of paper, but what he could do with the physical tools given to him if he kept up with himself.
And I didn’t kill myself in the gym for nothing.
Still, the sound of the leaves rustling outside sounded nice. Not that I wasn’t listening beyond them, though. I logged every sound that happened around me while I continued to flip papers and jot shit down. Contracts, they said. It would make my life easier, they said. But, all I found myself doing this time of year was spending an entire week of my life going over contracts in order to adjust them, sign off on them again, and have them stored away for another year before they had to be evaluated again.
Who the fuck said I had to do this every year again?
Oh, right. That was me.
Idiot.
I sat my pen down and sighed. I leaned back into my soft leather chair and slowly spun around. I knew it was reckless to have windows behind me my own damn office, which is why I insisted they be bulletproof. And every time I swiveled around to look out the window, it relaxed me. Jogging through the woods was my favorite kind of exercise. It got me away from the concrete towers of the jungle of my hometown and made me feel one with the earth that had given me life in the first place. I enjoyed getting to know it. I enjoyed feeling my feet jog through the dirt and mud and broken twigs as they cracked beneath my feet. I enjoyed inhaling gallons of fresh air deep into my lungs while the sun beat against my back. It reminded me that I was human. That I was just as frail as any of the necks I’d had within my grasp over the years. And as I stared out at the edge of the forest that surrounded my business warehouse, I sighed.
I wonder if Bonnie likes the great outdoors.
I’d been thinking about her more and more lately. Not that I didn’t think about her at all. But, I found her popping into my mind more when she shouldn’t. Like, now. When I was at work. I suddenly found myself considering her and wondering about her, and that had never happened to me before. Well, one other time before.
I don’t bother talking about that woman, though.
“Knock, knock.”
I swiveled back to my desk as his voice landed hard against my ears. “Come in, Giovanni.”
He opened my office door with a smirk against his cheeks. “Went by your house first, but all I got was her.”
I blinked. “She’s got a name.”
“I’m sure she does.”
I picked up my pen. “What do you need?”
He walked inside with a smile I was starting to dislike. “Is that any way to talk to a brother that just wants to pay his older brother a visit?”
I pointed. “You can sit.”
He closed my office door. “At least you have manners.”
I ignored his sarcastic statement as I finally gave him my full attention. “You said you found Bonnie at home. I assume there’s a point.”
He narrowed his eyes and tipped his head. “Isn’t she supposed to be with you?”
I leaned back and stared at him. I was getting really tired of this game.
He finally sighed. “You really are no fun, you know.”
“I’m waiting for you to tell me what you’re doing here.”
He crossed his leg over his knee. “Two words: anniversary party.”
I rolled my eyes. “Fucking hell, get out of my office.”
“We have to talk about it, Iz. Our parents’
